to really HATE mother and baby groups and want to ditch them?

[hearthattack]

I've been to three different ones with my 9 month old, the latest today. All left me feeling quite stressed, deflated and frankly depressed, for so many different reasons.

1. I had an awful time when my son was born. I nearly died, was in intensive care for a while, in and out of hospital for months and ended up with a hysterectomy. I missed most of his first three months either in hospital or off my face on painkillers. So the usual chat about The Birth and the sleeping and the feeding etc makes me well up a bit and don't feel I can really join in.

2. My health visitor insists I should go to groups to meet other Mums. I've got a few friends who are mums already, though not very near by. I don't really see being a mum as enough of a thing in common to build an entire friendship on. I don't really like where we live that much and feel a bit of a fish out of water. And I just don't get why I should suddenly want to make friends with people I otherwise wouldn't just because we both did something that's quite common.

3. The quality of these sessions seems pretty pants to me too. Baby Massage basically consisted of stroking your baby in a way I kind of instinctively did already. Music group involved one lady singing quietly over a naff recording while no one (except me, until I got the stares) joined in. Today's messy play involved an empty water bottle with a few bits of pasta in (we have one of those) and some old tin cans (which incidentally were quite sharp!).

My 9 month old is a pretty confident, physical, independent kid. He can nearly walk and chatters nonsense to everyone he meets. I take no credit for this and I'm not bragging, it's just his nature. It comes with it's own set of pit falls. But it means that at groups pitched for his age, all the other kids site nicely in a circle and he just wants to romp around and shout.

I can't tell if I find these activities so hard purely because of my weirdo hangups (plenty) or because they're essentially crap.

AIBU? When I left the group today I had a bit of a cry as soon as I got to the safety of the car. Is it worth it? He's going to be starting nursery a couple of days a weeks soon so will get lots of social interaction there. Should I stick at it and get over myself so he's not always the weird kid like I was?

And if it all gets too much and people are really aggravating you, you can always do what this woman did ...

metro.co.uk/2016/08/05/breastfeeding-mum-sprayed-breastmilk-at-woman-who-asked-her-to-move-6050800/

I did the rounds of all the groups with DS1 and really didn't enjoy it. I didn't really make friends and felt very much in the outside. When I had DS2, DS1 just came along to the things we enjoyed doing. He's now 11 mo the and really engaged with Softplay and lives drawing round the grounds at NT properties, or watching ducks at the farm. Basically, at 9 months, your little one might enjoy little trips out rather than all the groups, and you might prefer them too. Good luck.

I'm looking for some advice on combination feeding. I'm due my second baby in 5 weeks and will have an 11 month old at home. I'm worried about how I'll manage to spend enough time breastfeeding the baby with an 11 month old on the go. Any advice is greatly appreciated

Sorry guys, I've posted in wrong topic

I hated them too. My h.v insisted I should go. I went once maybe twice. Hated it! Nobody talked to me, they all knew each other. One women's other half kept trying to phone and she said at the top of her voice what's he fucking want. Nice. I got nothing out of it and I'm sure a young baby isn't fussed.

I was the other way round, my son is adopted and social services positively frowned on you going to any groups as you were supposed to spend all your time bonding. I was so lonely, as I was a PCSO before going on leave and spent my entire day taking to people. The little boy was very cute but no conversationalist. However he also had developmental delay and his pead doc recommended them, so I leapt at the chance to go.

We never did the organised class thing but did do the stay and play things. They were OK. It would have been nice to make a few friends and stayed in touch with them but at most of our local ones the kids were taken there by child minders, and the mums had children who were younger than mine so we didn't have a lot in common.

But it got us out of the house and relieved the tedium, and it's nice to see the other mind locally and stop to say hello.

One thing I did like was a buggy fit class though, that was a life saver. You were only supposed to go up to age two but the instructor let me stay on longer, the kids used to bimble around while we worked out. Again, no lasting friendships as the other mums used to join in pairs with someone they'd bonded with at NCT or something

So I'm 50/50 whether you need to go, it's certainly not compulsory and certainly doesn't develop children (my boy still didn't walk until 27 months despite the alleged peer pressure.) I think it just depends on your personality, if you're happy at home don't bother. I wasn't so they were good for me.

To be honest, I couldn't be bothered. I had a perfectly fine delivery (induced but textbook) and recovered very quickly, but I couldn't be arsed forcing myself to be social when I'm really not, and much less when utterly sleep deprived with a tiny baby who would only sleep on my lap after a boob.
Did I get out much? Not really. Did I miss it? Not really either. There's those who enjoy company and those -weirdos- who don't. If you don't enjoy going, just don't. Life is too short to waste time getting bored for no reason.

I couldn't face it after my first.
I couldn't find time to consider it after my second.
My 3rd.. well we were there ayway (sure start centre is in the school grounds and eldest had a certificate presented in assembly.

so I took her to messy play.

oh gods.
"oh. WHY is your baby so small?" (she just is, there's nothing wong)
"why isn't she walking yet?" (she was about 11 months old, and nearly there)
"why isn't she playing with the other babies?" (because she doesn't know them)

meanwhile my daughter looked horified at the mucky stuff I was trying to get her to play with and tried to climb up me when any other baby came near her, culminating in her in full-on screaming when one "patted" her on the head.

Normally she's sociable sigh
We left, then went to my friend's house where she played happily with my "nephew" instead

never again