To wonder how the world sees modern parents?

[Rosenwyn1985]

Just read a thread on gransnet that someone sent me a link to and it's got me thinking about how the world looks at parents in the western world these days...

I'd like to think my parenting is relatively balanced but I doubt I parent the way older generations have (no spanking for starters). There are things available to me that haven't been before and times change. I wonder what my grandad thought of my dad etc...

(for reference www.gransnet.com/forums/aibu/1228506-Mums-on-their-phones?utm_source=MNPN&utm_medium=Newsletter&utm_campaign=mums+on+their+phones+thread )

Just curious really...

I read my phone on the bus when I am travelling with my toddler.
It is the 12.5 minutes I get to myself between three hours of narrating errands in town/pushing him on the swings/dealing with his wants and needs and the next three hours of feeding him/playing with him in the house/dealing with his wants and needs.
I remain blissfully unaware of surrounding cats bum faces as I'm too busy looking at the screen. :-) (obviously I do talk to the child if he actually addresses me or something is wrong etc).

I can't read on the bus, it makes me dizzy but so get where you are coming from! I'm of the belief (rightly or otherwise) that parenting these days is a lot more complicated too!

We watched 3 Day Nanny with PIL last night and it led to an interesting conversation about how they brought up their dc and how we are/hope to bring up ours.

They once spanked dp's bottom with a slipper, and there were other occasions where they hit as a punishment. They also used soap in the mouth and mustard. Apparently dp was quite challenging as a child, his brother to a lesser extent.

We categorically said that we don't intend on using any of the above with our 2 dc. The soap in the mouth thing especially I find outdated and I was a little at the slipper spanking but I guess it was a different time. They sort of scoffed and reckon that our opinion will change as they get older (dc are 3 and 1), but I disagree. Nowadays there's loads of information and techniques readily available, which previous generations didn't have access to. There are many different ways of punishing a child without resorting to violence or degradation.

Parenting has changed in the sense that as parents there's a lot judgement and criticism aimed at us, mainly due to the Internet/social media which has given many a platform to voice their opinions regardless of whether they're welcome or not.

Some people have short memories. Many of these grans are probably of the generation who sent their children out to play from age 2 or 3 and didn't see them again for hours! It was the older child's job to look after the younger ones.

Or, if they were taken to the park, they had a book and read/chatted with friends while the children played.

Motherhood is, at times, boring as batshit. And freakin' constant 100% of the time.

Socially speaking, we are more isolated than ever before. Even with social media etc. 50 years ago we knew our neighbours, usually had parents nearby, and generally believed in the concept of 'a village to raise a child'. Between women who are working themselves to the bone in full time jobs and dealing with parenthood, to SAHMs who are with their children 100% of the time and don't have enough familial or community support to even be able to go to the doctor or dentist by themselves (let alone do something actually recreational), if I need to look at my phone to give myself five to 10 minutes of time out, when I know my child is safe and most likely having fun (eg. at the park) then so be it.

As a generation of parents, I believe research shows we are spending more time with our children then ever before.

Take that, judgemental grans.

Soap in the mouth? Really? I can't imagine even thinking about that! Maybe that makes me soft but if so that's fine by me!

Yep really! To me it just seems completely archaic and barbaric. Apparently they only 'needed' to do it once so it must have worked rest assured that's never happening in my house.

Today's parents seem to get criticised from all directions at about the same rate. For every rant that parents these days can't be bothered to even interact with their children and that's why we stick them in nursery/in front of the TV/ignore them and stare at our phones, there's someone else ranting that parents these days are overprotective helicopter martyr parents who daren't ever say no and think our precious darlings are the most important things in the universe.

Good at multitasking, us.

(And I say 'parents', but it's hardly ever dads getting slated...)

Totally agree 53rd and you're right it is usually mums getting slated, for some reason.

And slightly unrelated, but I hate the notion that 'kids/teenagers today' are so much worse behaviour-wise than they were in generations gone by. History speaks for itself. There have always been little shit kids around and there always will be. Just like there have always been shithead adults too. I don't believe kids of the past were any better or worse behaved than today's generation, but you do hear about the negative stuff more often due to 24 hour news coverage, Internet, social media.

Maybe more kids were frightened into 'behaving', with threats of physical violence if they stepped out of line, but then with that comes its own set of problems.

Teens are behaving better, there is less violence, less teen pregnancy, less drug use. Teens are even less promiscuous these days than they were in the past.

I think today's parents are lucky because we have access to so much information. Of course it can be a bit overwhelming, too, but overall I think it's a great thing.

Totally agree about the teenage thing, there is lots of research about it. And I hate all that judgemental crap. Generally the extra information we have is great (just read another study about smacking) but it also comes with a down side. I think it means non parents or older parents think we should all be damn near perfect. We've pretty much got a rule book after all.... And why is it the worst offenders are women who slate (generally) mums? You'd think they'd get it... Makes me want to scream!

I never interacted with them at the park when they were old enough to go on things alone. That was my book reading time

imwithspud Thu 04-Aug-16 22:26:46

And yet your husband is fine I surspect he is a decent guy with morals Ect so actually your in laws did a good job

And really you don't find the punishments that surprising or awful as you are still on speaking terms with them

i always find it funny when people go on about how awful smacking is or how it's abuse they then go on to revel they were smacked however have a fab relationship with there parents see them often and are fully Invloved in there're grandchildren lives but any one else who smack is a child abuser and must be reported (not there own parents of course)

🙄

My parents were properly strict, conservative, stiff upper lip, 'what will the neighbors say?' parents. Sex was right off the conversation menu and i was expected to be a good girl. I rebelled against it all at every opportunity.

3 of my DCs are teens/20s and they are more balanced, calm, happy individuals and sooooo much better behaved than ever i was. I gave them all the freedom and understanding to go right off the rails, but they didn't bother taking it. They tell me about their lives in glorious technicolour and ask my opinion about everything they do and i'm left wondering where my proudly rebellious genes have gone

poster BertieBotts Thu 04-Aug-16 23:07:34

*this is not every thing we Morden parents are doing before we all start patting each other on the back

It's simply because there all on line

I used to do all sorts drinking in the park till late Ect when my lad goes to someone's house it's to sit up till 1 gaming not drinking white lighting

And with on line porn quite frankly many teenage boys can get there kicks with out leaving there bedroom in my day my brother whole weekend was based on how many girls he would song

Wow, I thought we were judgy!

God I'm depressed now reading that gransnet thread on way to work having dropped ds off at nursery for 5th time this week.

I would dearly love a day off with him but as main breadwinner I can't. So sad to think there's a judgey bunch of nans and grans secretly criticising us, their children!!

Savagebeauty... Haha! I try my best to go to the park with friends. It's so damn dull! My children neither want or require my help (although the little one likes to be pushed on the swings). It's a chance to catch up whilst simultaneously ensuring my boys get fresh air! Might have to start taking a book when alone though. Assuming I'll be judged for reading my Kindle app as it's technology!

And I am the demographic for GN being late fifties. But not a grandmother thank god, nor do I want to be.

*And yet your husband is fine I surspect he is a decent guy with morals Ect so actually your in laws did a good job

And really you don't find the punishments that surprising or awful as you are still on speaking terms with them *

Lots of assumptions made here.

I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell me how I felt. Of course I can be shocked/surprised without going NC with them. Why would I go NC over a parenting choice they made years ago, at a time where they thought they were doing the best by their dc? If they used those techniques on my own dc then that would be a whole different ball game, that's extremely unlikely though.

And how do you know my dp doesn't have significant mental health issues as a result of his upbringing? I don't believe I said either way.

I don't think I said they didn't do a good job. Just that they made some questionable choices, especially by today's standards and the reason for that was probably because back then they didn't have the tools or information available to make better choices.

At the weekend we were reminiscing about a go-kart my Dad made for us as children that was in modern terms totally unsuitable. We used to drive it round the streets on the pavement (it went quite fast), had accidents in it and TBH it is a wonder no one was killed.

Mum was saying "Tut - typical of your father! He couldn't just make you an ordinary go-kart, it had to be one that went that fast etc etc" and I agree that this was pretty irresponsible of him though at the time it was fab of course.

But where was my mum when we were belting down the hill on the pavement? At home of course (I was the youngest so no baby at home). If it was that bloody dangerous why wasn't she out there supervising us? Well simply because Mums didn't come out to supervise their children playing then. It was just "out you go." A mother would have been laughed at for trying to supervise her children playing then (the 1960s) but today a mother would be whispered about at being neglectful if they let their kids do what we did.

Times have changed - that's all.

Yes, this ^^ times have changed.

And imwithspud don't know about your husband but mine has some serious hang ups from his childhood... And relationships are very cautious as a result. Massive assumptions need not be made!

Interesting thread - times have changed and you need to take the good with the bad.

This blog talks about it actually, it's a couple of years old now but still relevant I think

modernmothercraft.blogspot.co.nz/2014/03/things-were-better-in-my-day-or-were.html

Is that Gransnet thread a spoof? It honestly reads like the most obvious parody thread imaginable!?!

I think parents these days get unfairly judged/criticised. I've even seen comments on here in the past about how a person in their mid twenties is apparently "too young" to have 3 children. What, because your life went differently and therefore you think your way is the right way?