To be totally fed up about other people kids bad habits

[Yeahyeahyeahs]

I'm totally sick of having friends and relatives kids stay who are massively fussy eaters, crap sleepers or just badly behaved and having it rub off on my DC. I know mine aren't perfect and they have their own annoying habits but I am fed up with having to deal with the repercussions of lax parenting.

It is not for you to decide when disability is relevant.

Disabilities isn't relevant here. Also (and I know I'm setting myself up for an absolute flaming here) having disabilities means there are some things kids will genuinely struggle with, food/sleep/social interaction etc, but I have yet to encounter a disability that prevents anyone from learning some bloody manners and not treating people and their homes/possessions like shit! A disability is not carte blanche to abdicate parental responsibilities, it's still our job as parents to guide our kids on how to behave and how to treat people, it's just a bit more of a challenge with a disability thrown in. Our eldest has autism, but he also has boundaries and consequences, just like our other kids. Sometimes I think the biggest disability is permissive parents who just shrug and go "aw he/she can't help it, they've got xxxxx", as if that means you don't have to be a parent!

Yanbu other people's kids are invariably annoying and unappealing everyone thinks so really but we all pretend otherwise.

I know a few teenagers functioning at baby level. I think they struggle with learning manners.

Summer, it's attitudes like yours which perpetuate prejudice. You seek to defend disability issues when what you actually do is rubbish them - disability isn't relevant here and yet you deign to know more than the OP herself. How dare you. And be aware that what you achieve in your commentary is the very opposite of what you intend.

Sometimes a protected characteristic just isn't relevant. Sometimes, you get turned down for a job and it isn't because you are female, black, gay, a Sikh, have a disability etc (running through my equalities act categories there, not sure I hit them all). Sometimes it is though, and you reserve your vitriol for those occasions only, otherwise you cry wolf and no one listens.

These kids are just badly behaved. And the parents need to get over themselves.

Oh ffs Summerbloodyholidays, OK you win. We're all evil and you're a martyr and no kid with any kind of disability should ever be encouraged to fulfil their full potential and instead be left to do as they please while their mothers dine out on their martyrdom forevermore. Is that what you wanted to hear? Obviously there are some, very extreme cases where people will never manage to function beyond the level of a very young child. But was anybody actually talking about that? No they fucking weren't, they were talking about lazy parents and little shits with no disabilities whatsoever. But you crack on with your little crusade love, you're having such fun!

There are surely some kids you like? One of my DCs has s couple of friends who I think are rude, so they are not invited. All the others are no trouble at all and can come whenever they want.

Guests at 8 months pregnant? Lazy ones at that! How rude!

Can you fake labour and bugger off?

Summer - if you read up-thread you will see I say my son has SN. This has absolutely nothing to do with disabilities and everything to do with some children being entitled brats with crap parents. Snookie - there are loads of kids I adore and they are welcome any time! Cody - oh my DH's fam think nothing of rocking up to stay when you have a newborn for a week at a time - 8 months pregnant is a drop in the ocean!

I wasn't commenting on the op but on what you said. Your comment was a general one.
My attitudes don't account for other peoples disgusting attitudes and behaviour towards my son.

Summer, with all due respect I never once said anything negative about you or your son and you jumped on me. I'm sorry you and your son have encountered disgusting behaviour, I have too and my son. But not everyone is out to get you, if you meet people with that attitude you're liable to get it back.

That was in answer to inlovewithhubby.
ayeokthen - my son is one of those extreme cases.

Summer, nobody was attacking you, that's what I mean. I'm sorry you and your son have experienced horrible attitudes, it's unforgivable. So many people explain away all negative behaviour as "a disability" when really it isn't. Imo it belittles the struggles of extreme disabilities and the importance of understanding that in some instances, there are genuine reasons.

My ExH used to always blame the bad influence of others on any bad behaviour our DD showed.

Actually, it was just normal pushing the boundaries stuff that all children do at various stages. They have to push them, to make sure they are still there, so they can feel secure.

These people helping to make that happen are actually helping your parenting.

OP I know what you mean. YANBU.

Can't be bothered to elaborate, tired, but I see what you're detailing very frequently. What I hate more is when someone who clearly has a 'different parenting style' observes their kid doing something totally unacceptable (imo), and proceeds to say 'that's what you have to look forward to'. No it bloody is not. Yes, kids push boundaries but parents don't often push back as firmly.

Sometimes all I want to observe is an attempt at 'parenting' in these situations. But no, some people are happy to let their 2 Year old walk around on my new carpet with bloody dripping red ice lolly, then get snappy when someone tries to remove said lolly because it will upset little red handed cherub .

I'm trying to get DD (almost 4 now) to understand that a thing can be true and also not be appropriate to say. I don't really think she gets this yet. I'm American, and one of our presidential candidates seems to still struggle with this concept at age 70.

Teach your kids that they are responsible for their own behaviour then the behaviour of others won't rub off on them. Hth.

I hear the pain of having people come and stay because your house is in a popular area though. Pre-DS we had spare rooms, and summer was just a constant stream of people. It was exhausting..... their holiday but it's your life and having to work and commute while people lounge around and expect to be fed and ferried to attractions drove me insane. Now that DS has his own room and I have converted the other room into a study life is better. Much much better.

Thankfully though no relatives thought it was okay to come at 8 months pg with their children....... that would have driven me to some creative communication with a meat cleaver I suspect.