To not want to raise an Olympian?

[LeytonPolo]

DS2 is almost seven, he's been on his local swim team, a summer only team since he was five. He usually comes in first or second but they're more fun races than actually competitive and the pool of competition isn't that wide iyswim.

We've been approached by a coach that works for another swim team, who saw DS swim recently and want's him to come to a trial they're having for their junior team.

The swim team is in the next town over, it's a 30 min drive, it's much bigger and much more competitive, coach said kids under 10 are expected to do training outside the pool as well as two 2 hour sessions during the week in the pool for under 8's and the amount of sessions would grow depending on the child once they turned 8.

It's also year round with only a few weeks off here and their instead of just for the summer.

Coach kept naming Olympian swimmers that had trained there at one point or another as children, I know nothing about the olympics, so this really didn't mean anything to me but it's clear that it's a very serious team who expect kids to pull their weight.

DS wants to go to the trial, DH is more excited then he is, but it honestly seems like a lot of effort & pressure for swimming.

We have 2 teens, we both work full time, I can't even imagine where we'll find the time to make sure DS trains outside the pool or what that would even entail.

I don't want to go the trial and waste everyone's time if we're just going to turn it down but I really don't think a small shot at the olympics is worth it.

(3 hours playing with friends a week not a day, sorry)!

I did county level swimming, 6 days a week for 2 hours a day minimum.

Plenty of people dropped out along the way and plenty more progressed further than I did!

My biggest worry is what if he passes the trial, loves all the training etc we can't back out at that point.

The current schedule they're proposing is manageable, once during the week, one Sunday and then some time for out of the pool training, but anything more then that would be a stuggle, neither DH or I get home before 5, on that one evening, one of use would have to walk back out the door as soon we come home.

But then he could just as easily drop it before it gets too intensive and as pp's have pointed out, their are lots of good things about joining a team.

I suppose I'll have to agree, DS2 is very competitive, I think he'll stuggle being a small fish in a big pond but it's more likely to encourage him then dissuade him

Is this a genuine opportunity for him?

Were you already thinking he would benefit from more swimming?

If not, it seems extraordinarily passive to allocate his time based on what a stranger has suggested.

I have a super competitive kid too. She would jump at this.

She would jump at any approach from an adult who was praising her ability and offering her chances.

But she's 8. She's very suggestible.

My job as her mother is to figure out what is best for her. And protect her from these kinds of approaches.

Is this really the best use of 6+ hours of his time per week?

Is swimming his absolute favourite?

What else does he love to do?

I think you have to put yourself out. It could turnout one of 3 ways.

Either he goes for a little while then drops out.
He goes for quite a while then gets bored and drops out.

Or he keeps at it and gets to the Olympics .

Nothing is wasted and if he has found a passion in life it will steer him through the teenage years. No drinking, smoking or going out till all hours as he will be tucked safely in bed sleeping because he has to get up at 4am and will be too knackered to rebel.
I took dd and ds from the age of 4 to various dance, drama, singing, gymnastics and martial arts lessons each evening. First lesson started at 4.30pm and we got home at around 8.30. 4 evenings per week and 3 hours each Saturday and Sunday. Plus getting them through exams etc. Everyone thought I was mad. As they grew up it was every evening till 10pm and all day Saturday and Sunday.

Dd starts musical theatre college in September and ds is looking at going to drama college in a couple of years.

Looking at it with hindsight dd and ds cant imagine just doing anything else. Given both have forms of SEN that make academics virtually impossible I can't imagine what would have happened if I hadn't taken dd to her first dance lesson.

Kondo, don't forget that if he swims, he doesn't need a bath at home. At least all my dc shower after swimming, so that's a job saved....

I went through something similar OP but different sport. We were all excited and I didnt mind the taxiing around and lots of talk of future/progression. However my child began to dislike the sport he has previously LOVED. The coaching was strict (overly) disciplined and deliberately set participants against each other despite it actually being a team sport. Then my child didn't get chosen to progress further and it did briefly affect his confidence (although he bounced back very quickly once he realised he could go back to enjoying himself and progressing once he gets to secondary school).

I think you have to put yourself out. It could turnout one of 3 ways.

Either he goes for a little while then drops out.
He goes for quite a while then gets bored and drops out.

Or he keeps at it and gets to the Olympics .

WTF?

You can't seriously think those are the only 3 possible outcomes?

What about

He trains really hard all through his teens at the expense of everything ekse and then turns out not to be good enough?

He trains so hard his grades drop below where they should be and he leaves school with no decent qualifications?

He shows a lot of promise, puts everything into it and then gets a career ending injury?

It's really not the case that everyone who doesn't get bored and drop out makes it to the Olympics.

I think you need to really sit down and discuss the benefits and limits on each opportunity, for your child and you as a family.

My daughters both did gymnastics Dd1 trained 18 hours a week (to a reasonable level, but not the highest standard) and it was our life. When DD2 started in development we did the sport 7 days a week, and I practically lived there. It was a huge sacrifice.

DD2 decided it wasn't for her, and I have to say it's so nice to get our lives back. I have to say I don't regret it. Her old teammates are still doing it, one had just become British champion (in age) and I was chatting to the parent of another and they now practically live at the gym. It completely dominated their lives. If swimming is anything like gymnastics, it's a huge commitment and it really does take its toll on the body. DD1 fractured various bones, twisted ankles etc. Thankfully for us, nothing too serious...

Obviously if the children love and drive it, you want to support then as far as you can... But do go in with your eyes open. It's a big commitment and a whole lot of money, time and sacrifice on your part, for you and the family as well as the child who competes.

altik gymnastics is one of the worst sports for developing children's bodies.

Swimming is much kinder on the body.

Doin - you have a really negative way of looking at things.
I didn't 'make it' at swimming. I still had a blast and am as fit as a fiddle. All good.

are as I pinted out before, children ahve 5 hours of 'leisure' a day ONLY if their parents aren't working until late everyday.
And this is the case for the OP.

So actually, it's not a 3.00 till 8.00pm. It's more like a 5.30pm till 8.00pm, where you also need to find 20mins for reading, 30 for eating etc etc. On the day when the OP will back from work, she will have to just dash through the door and not come back until it's time of her dc to go to bed. It also means that, on that day, her other dc will NOT see either her mum or dad. This every week.

So Ok you can consider that it is ONLY one day a week, the other is at the weekend and 'only' takes over a morning.

But very quickly it will move to 3, 4 days a week. Will that arrangement still be fair for the family, the OP who is doing the running around, her other dc?
And what if the OP then says it's too much when her dc will be in the middle of a club where they are psuhing them to always do better anbd stopping or doing 'less' is seeing as skivving etc... The pressure put by the coaches on these children to carry on, esp when they are quite good at it is frankly astonishing.
The result is that parents feel bad for letting their dcs down so they carry on, sometimes to the detriment of their health and their family.

It would be very different if it was a small club not a 'competitive' swimming one who is aiming to produce the last Olympian swimmer.

Leyton it sounds like you have honestly taken on board the comments here which have come from personal experience both positive and negative. Please start a new thread some time and let us know how he's getting on - even if it that he decided that it wasn't for him.

Doin you have some serious projection issues going on. I have no idea from your posts what your personal experience of sport of any kind is; but it obviously wasn't good.

If you read up on the very best (recommended biography - Black, White and Gold by Kelly Holmes) it is rarely helicopter or over ambitious parents involved. Before my hyper sister took up gymnastics, my parents wouldn't have known what asymmetric bars were if they fell on the house.

Despite my sister training 5-7 days a week and the hours put into gymnastics from the age of 5-13 she came out with just as many good GCSE grades as I did (and I was the academic one apparently) and has a great job which has absolutely nothing to do with sport.

Both of her daughters (now 19 and 14) did a bit of gymnastics as young children but neither really took to it and that was that. As did my DD and she has the medals and certificates to prove it but a year ago she decided no more (it was through school because of where we are). We once drove for 5 hours to watch her in a competition because we support her in whatever she decides to do.

If everyone felt the same as you, the Olympics just wouldn't be happening.

My experience of sport has been very positive.

I don't see that the world wpuld be a worse place if the Olympics weren't happening.

I think children are extremely vulnerable to manipulation by coaches and I don't believe obsessive training in a single sport is something that a child decides to do with no input from any influential adult.

It happens in a context.

And some children are more vulnerable because their parents are more gullible or genuinely believe that a pitch for swimming lessons made to a child is a rare "opportunity".

It's no different from advertising to children. Without any input from me, they suddenly want all sorts of crap toys.

Is that "self driven" or because they believe what TV tells them?

Doin even if he trained hard and didn't make it then the experience is still there. Jobs such as Personal Trainer PE teacher etc he has the experience to do or should no one have any ambition for anything that might be a bit different where they might have to put in a modicum of inconvenience or effort. Maybe we should all stay at school get GCSEs get A Levels and go to university then get a job pushing papers around a desk until we collect our pension.
Nice and safe and not inconveniencing anyone

arethereany thanks for the advice on back stuff

I think Doin has made some very valid points, I am not seeing 'serious projection issues'.

Competitive sport is really popular at the moment, but I am a bit cynical. Long term health and happiness, don't, to me, seem linked to success in competitive sport - in fact, quite often the opposite. I would be very wary of a child getting funnelled down the sports route as I am not sure it would, on balance, benefit them long term, whatever short term success they may, or may not, achieve. As a parent, I would look at the big picture, which includes corruption, injury and disappointment alongside the laurels. It is too easy to get carried away.

I've known a few serious teen swimmers and what others are saying is true. They start training at 5/6am. Some of them leave their houses at 4am to get to the Olympic sized pool.

So, you'd need to be able to cope with that.

Havent RTFT but this stood out we can't back out at that point, I don't think they're going to force a child if the child or his parents no longer want to attend.

I don't think they're going to force a child if the child or his parents no longer want to attend.

Children are easy to manipulate.

It is obviously a risk that the parents might want to stop and the child might be unwilling to countenance it.

So you end up either having to bitterly disappoint your child, or keep bringing them.

I think you are thinking about yourself. If your son wants to do it, let him. If you say no and it is something he really wants he could end up resenting you. Take him to the trial, he might not get through and if he doesn't at least he tried and if he does take it from there.

It's not your DS' fault you've got two teens. He wants to go so YABU to not take him

Its not fault, its reality. He's SIX, whether he wants to go or not is hardly the main point. My six year old wants to go to Disney World, but so what?

Sod the swimming. Sign him up to darts. He gets to wear a nice comfy polyester shirt, a sensible pair of slacks and he can train in the comfort of his own garage. Loads of free beer, too.

How old did you say he was again?

If I had a child, over my dead body would I allow him/her to be trained as a professional sportsman/woman. I think the sports industry has become corrupt, unhealthy, and actively damaging to people's wellbeing.

And it really boils my piss to see that so much is made of sportspeople while people who really change the world, like scientists, aid helpers, and Nobel prize winners, for example, are completely ignored in the media.

Can he not swim competitively for fun?? I did competitive gymnastics as a kid. I trained about 9 hours a week, and I loved it. I was quite good but nowhere near Olympic material and it was never suggested that I would be! I just did it because I enjoyed it. It kept me from being bored and wandering the streets as a teenager, the discipline is great for keeping kids grounded, and also you don't always win. Sometimes you cock it all up and come last, and learn valuable life lessons. Just because someone does something competitively doesn't mean they have to try to become a professional sportsman. Lots of people on here seem to be seeing this as very black or white. There is loads and loads of grey here and the grey bit could be brilliant.