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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to raise an Olympian?

175 replies

LeytonPolo · 03/08/2016 00:53

DS2 is almost seven, he's been on his local swim team, a summer only team since he was five. He usually comes in first or second but they're more fun races than actually competitive and the pool of competition isn't that wide iyswim.

We've been approached by a coach that works for another swim team, who saw DS swim recently and want's him to come to a trial they're having for their junior team.

The swim team is in the next town over, it's a 30 min drive, it's much bigger and much more competitive, coach said kids under 10 are expected to do training outside the pool as well as two 2 hour sessions during the week in the pool for under 8's and the amount of sessions would grow depending on the child once they turned 8.

It's also year round with only a few weeks off here and their instead of just for the summer.

Coach kept naming Olympian swimmers that had trained there at one point or another as children, I know nothing about the olympics, so this really didn't mean anything to me but it's clear that it's a very serious team who expect kids to pull their weight.

DS wants to go to the trial, DH is more excited then he is, but it honestly seems like a lot of effort & pressure for swimming.

We have 2 teens, we both work full time, I can't even imagine where we'll find the time to make sure DS trains outside the pool or what that would even entail.

I don't want to go the trial and waste everyone's time if we're just going to turn it down but I really don't think a small shot at the olympics is worth it.

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 03/08/2016 07:46

Yabu

Your child has a great opportunity. You're teaching him to give up when things get a bit tricky!

NancyJoan · 03/08/2016 07:47

I know several people who have kids who do this type of swimming. 5am starts 3 or 4 times a week, after school training sessions, most weekends spent at galas all over the country. It's a huge commitment, and not one I'd be prepared to make. If your DH wants home to do it, is he prepared to take charge of all that?

ConfuciousSaysWhat · 03/08/2016 07:52

Id let him do it but on the proviso if he shows signs of stress later on you'll pull him out.

My dc aren't sporty but are working at a very high level for their age in music and drama which also requires a similar level of commitment and ferrying around. It is tiring but it is worth it if your dc really wants it.

BikeRunSki · 03/08/2016 07:53

10 years ago I had this same conversation with my boss. He flew out to Rio on Sunday to watch his DD swim in the Olympics. She's 17. It has been incredibly hard on the family - training before school every day (4am alarm clock), gym after school, competing at weekends. Last year she took some of her GCSEs in a hotel in Eastern Europe. It's all been driven by the child - her dad has always said he'll do it as long as she 's interested. I'm not sure that he ever thought it would go this far though.

The grin on his face the day she was selected though... ! Grin

JacquettaWoodville · 03/08/2016 07:53

If you don't have the time, you don't have the time. The needs of all family members need to be balanced.

CPtart · 03/08/2016 07:54

DS best friend, 11 and his sister 15 are swimmers. Heavily pushed into it by competitive parents. Up at silly 0'clock several times a week, all over the country at weekends, water and land training etc etc. The number of parties, sleepovers, get togethers my son's friend has missed due to swimming commitments is a shame. And it's only getting worse as they get older so I've encouraged him to make new friendships.
DS himself is an excellent swimmer. He swam his mile aged seven and beat much older children at cub swimming comps. We stopped though when I asked myself where were we going with it. There's no half measures it seems.

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 03/08/2016 07:57

I wouldn't do it.

He's only little and the commitment to this, the time but also the cost and energy demanded from both him and the whole family, will mean fewer opportunities to try new things.

Paulat2112 · 03/08/2016 07:57

Speaking as the mum of a dd who is a talented swimmer then I say go for it! My DD was scouted for the swim team, the kind you are describing for your ds, at only 6. She was the youngest member to ever join the squad. Now at 7 she trains for 6 hours a week, during the summer they also put an extra 2 hours of land training on, but dd isn't doing this as its too much.

Yes you do need to put the effort in to take them. It is hard, but my DD has great potential and I want to do everything I can to nurture that. I also have a 3&4 year olds, so personally harder I would think than two teens. Also their is no early morning training in our squad until they hit 14/15.

Swimming is a great sport, also has a good social side. Our team does days out and trips for the kids which they pay for, only twice a year or so but it's nice. Just to the bowling or similar. Generally teens that swim are very organised and also do well in exams even though they may train 10 hours a week as they are taught time management and to keep themselves in check.

I don't think it's about having a small shot at the Olympics, it's about all the things that I mentioned, fun, friends, staying healthy and fit. Also we have to travel 30 minutes too, there is a team in our town but that wasn't the one for us. Maybe you could look about, our squads or training times aren't really arranged by age but swimming ability and commitment.

dottycat123 · 03/08/2016 08:01

My nephew is currently at the swimming nationals in Sheffield, he is 18. The hours he puts in are huge and have been for years.The costs are extortionate ,paying for accommodation when away as well as the swimming. The special shorts they wear at national level cost almost £300 and are only good for a few races.

DinosaursRoar · 03/08/2016 08:02

Can you not go for it, try until Christmas then reassess if it is still fun for him and working for the family?

Would there be other parents nearby in the same club who'd share taking them?

This rather assumes the training times are physically possible with your work commitment times and childcare you use.

logosthecat · 03/08/2016 08:07

I would try it out, for a bit. If you don't let your son give it a go, he may remember and resent it for the rest of his life. You want him to feel he made a choice, not to feel that he was forced one way or the other because of his siblings. Two two hours sessions a week isn't that much. If it becomes more (and there are often lots of early morning sessions), you can reevaluate on the basis of his enthusiasm/how things are going in other areas of his life. However, he may well go, dislike the competitive atmosphere of the club, and want to leave fairly quickly.

I think the idea that kids go to swim club to make the Olympic team is kind of ridiculous. Winning at levels lower than that might not be as full of glory, but it can be every bit as much a learning experience. There are a lot of valuable lessons of discipline, hard work and delivery-on-the-day that apply to other areas of life. As part of my job, I have to talk in front of large numbers of very bright people, who are ready to tear my ideas to shreds - sometimes for an hour or more. Having done music and swimming as a kid helps me a LOT. If I feel myself getting nervous, I can hear my old swim coach's voice: 'You've put in the hard work, now just get out there and enjoy the performance'.

That's the thing about life - the oddest skills have a way of coming in handy!

JacquettaWoodville · 03/08/2016 08:08

The OP and her DH work full time and have two other children at the exam stage of life. The training sessions will take 3 hours twice a week and the self practice another couple of hours. That's a big chunk of the limited family time. Putting it all onto DH doesn't solve the problem as the other children still need parental time.

JacquettaWoodville · 03/08/2016 08:09

What if DS goes, likes it but it's too much for the family? That feels like more resentment, frankly.

Stillwaitingforthesummer2come · 03/08/2016 08:12

swimswam.com/10-reasons-why-im-thankful-to-be-a-swim-parent/

DoinItFine · 03/08/2016 08:15

I was scouted for a swimming team at around that age.

My Dad said no way.

He had taught too many kids who couldn't perform at school because they were so tired from being up since 5am swimming.

The idea that not wanting your child to spend their childhood dedicated to one sport, on the off chance they might one day be good enough to take performance enhancing drugs, shows lack of ambition of laziness is Hmm

Lots of people have bigger ambitions for their kids than swimming up and down a pool for hours at the expense of everything else in their lives.

This is not a big opportunity. It's a very common one that comes along for lots of decent swimmers.

NerrSnerr · 03/08/2016 08:21

doingit you do know that not all top athletes take performance enhancing drugs? What if your child decidedly they want to do sport and have a talent? Are you going to say no because you have different ambitions for them?

OP- I would give it a try but make it clear there is no pressure and he can stop if it's too much.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/08/2016 08:25

I swam at a national level as a child, and now run my own swim school. I loved it then, and I love it now.

Swimming to a high level, like any other sport, is impossible without huge amounts of parental support.

Swimming is one of the best sports there is, zero negative impact on the body long term, and 4 hours per week is hardly intensive, it's a good amount of exercise for a 7 year old.

I would 100% bd encouraging him to do this, and support him at it. Not because he'll be the next Olympian, that's embarrassingly far fetched, but because it'll be good for him.

DoinItFine · 03/08/2016 08:29

you do know that not all top athletes take performance enhancing drugs?

I know they don't all get caught.

I will not be encoursging my children to pursue sport to any serious level.

I don't have specific ambitions for them, other for them to live good and fulfilling lives.

The rest will have to come from them.

If there are sny spirts thry can get to Olympic standards in without hothousing as a child, then good luck to them.

But I won't be supporting them to be exploited by ambitious sports teams when they are little.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/08/2016 08:31

Doinitfibe - this is anecdotal I know but I think you dad was wrong. Every single member of my swim squad was at a grammar school. Healthy body is a healthy mind. We were putting in 15 hours + of training and still top of the class. When youve got lots to do, you focus, and fit it all in.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/08/2016 08:32

Doinitfine and op - I genuinely feel sorry for any dcs whose parents have this attitude. Poor things have no chance.

DoinItFine · 03/08/2016 08:32

4 hours per week is a great amount of exercise for a 7 year old.

Doing different activities.

Not thrashing up and down a pool repetitively.

Swimming is great. But training for races is incredibly boring.

If he's good, get him to start lifesaving. Thst is useful, competitive at a reasonable level, and really fun.

exampanic · 03/08/2016 08:34

if he is keen I would at least try it out. Dc3 9 y, swims 4 times a week. Still has time for several other sports. My older 2 are still doing lots of activities.
Oh, and no way dc3 is going to be an Olympian....

DoinItFine · 03/08/2016 08:37

Poor things have no chance.

Grin

No chance!

No chance at all in life because I didn't do hours of swimming as a child.

I live on the side of the road in a cardboard box and my life has been a complete waste all because instead of tring to swim breaststroke really fast I focused on other things in swimming.

Hilarious!

If only my Dad had let me off to the Olympian training paedophiles who wanted me to train for them. How much better my life would have been.

NerrSnerr · 03/08/2016 08:38

Yep, I am not going to take my child to the elite swim camp in the unlikely case they take performance enhancing drugs in the future. That is a really strange argument.

YelloDraw · 03/08/2016 08:39

When youve got lots to do, you focus, and fit it all in

It's the old adage, if you want something doing, ask a busy person...

I really don't think 2x 2h training sessions are a lot to manage at this stage, i think it would be a shame not to take him for the tial.

Training and competing in sport when you are young gives you an amazing experience, discipline, fitness, friends etc.

Personally I wasn't that good at individual sports but was good enough for county in a team sport. I'm sure my mum didn't like driving me to city training on a Monday, county training on a Tuesday and Thursday and then somewhere in county for a match on Saturday. But she did it. I loved playing and I still play now in a 'fun' capacity.

All this '7 is too young' the sad reality is that if you do want to be the best, you need to start young. Swimming, gymnastics etc you peak at 18ish! There is a reason places like Russia win gymnastics so much - huge amounts of pressure and training from a very young age. And the drugs ;-)