If he doesn't want a baby, you shouldn't seek CSA

[NeedACleverNN]

Why the hell is this line still trotted out?

I've even seen it on here. Woman falls pregnant, boyfriend doesn't want it and wants an abortion. She doesn't. People advise her to keep the baby and let him go. Don't bother seeking child maintenance because he didn't want the baby in the first place.

No!! If he didn't want a baby he should take his own precautions to preventing pregnancy. You don't like condoms? You don't have sex!

There are more contraceptive options available to women because the woman's body hosts the pregnancy. Preventing egg release, preventing sperm successfully reaching egg and preventing implantation are all options to prevent pregnancy.

The pill, the coil, the implant, the patch, the injection, the MAP - all act on one or more of the above.

For males, preventing the latter two actions isn't an option . Additionally, men release sperm with every ejaculation rather than the periodic single egg release women have.

This, combined with the pervasive social impression that pregnancy is largely a women's problem, has delayed the male pill.

Oh, and he fact that last year the telegraph put an article about the male pill in the women's health section gave me a head:desk interface.

Interesting summary:

www.netdoctor.co.uk/medicines/sexual-health/a12021/the-male-contraceptive/

I especially noted this about 'only a brave man'

Vasalgel. This is a polymer gel, which a doctor injects, through the skin of your scrotum, into the vas deferens on each side. The vas deferens is the tube which carries sperms up from the testicle towards the penis. When you want your fertility restored, the doctor injects you again, to wash out the gel. Only a brave man would try Vasalgel. It is under trial in China and India

Millions of women have small piece of metal/plastic inserted through the cervix into their womb

Can't remember being told I was brave

As a woman you are poked, prodded, take pills that have an effect on your body, injections, implants....

Enthusiasm and Lumpy

And you'd have to be a woman to understand the effects of pregnancy/abortion/childbirth.
works both ways.

Thanks Voyage, glad to see I'm following in the footsteps of Attenborough - he was a bit misguided at the start of his career in many people's opinions.

I know lots of great parents who don't live with their kids so you don't need to explain that you're a good dad. However, there are many non resident parents who fight for access and don't use it. This means the child loses out on the relationship and the resident patent has to stretch the budget over extra meals etc. At no point did I say dads or voyagers do this so don't take it personally!

Chikara, I didn't mean that there isn't any point in a male pill, just that men don't currently seem keen. I agree that's not a good thing, just to be clear. My comment was in response to the 'women have loads more options' excuse.

Sex is part of being healthy. That does not mean that periods of celibacy are not perfectly normal but life-long virginity is, in my personal opinion, not a healthy state for most people. (Others may disagree)

Sex also involves intimacy, physical contact, learning about your body. There is no denying it a basic drive though - all animals have it.

How we act on it is up to us of course.

voyage I haven't once claimed I know how men think or feel. All I've said is regardless of their feelings it's the woman who gets pregnant therefore it's her decision whether to abort or not. The man just had to accept that. He knows that piv sex carries the risk of pregnancy regardless of contraception. He can choose not to put his penis in the woman's vagina if he isn't comfortable with that risk.

Robot - you are right that men are not hugely keen yet - but they would be if they were made to face the consequences more often. So I suppose it is a bit of a circular argument.

I've thought this through from the male perspective, and tbh it just provides yet more evidence that men who don't fully take on parental responsibility are utter wankers who deserve hauling across hot coals.

Forgetting the physical logistics, let's say I have a ons with another woman, and she harvests my eggs, and becomes pregnant. So the same scenario as the often repeated tale of the woman who deliberately lies about contraception to 'trick' a man. A child that is half biologically mine is growing in another woman's body.

Of course I'd think she was a complete bastard, but I still wouldn't think it gave me the right to dictate what she did with her body. And despite the fact I don't want another child, and can't afford one either, there is still no way I could just walk away from that child, or do some haphazard job of legal maintenance and sporadic access.

Plus the 'trick' scenario is not the usual one. More common is the accidental route.

Saying eek is fine.i said eek to my post childbirth stitches.

If the eek prevents men getting the gel under a LA, that's much less fine.

Whilst I agree that the "trick" scenario is not that common I believe that the "accidental" route is not quite as accidental as it is sometimes made out to be.

My own DD was an accident in that she was not planned but in previous years when having a child would have been an absolute disaster I made bloody sure there were no accidents. DP at the time was fine with it BTW - but she was NOT planned.

Without wanting to get too pedantic, Voyage, I think you're seeing what you want to in my use of often. 'I often go to France on holiday' might mean I go there every other year, but 'I often go out for a drink after work with my colleagues' might mean I join the weekly trip every couple of weeks.

Dave of course has more time to prepare his exact words, but he also tackled animals to the ground in Zoo Quest so maybe we're even?