If he doesn't want a baby, you shouldn't seek CSA

[NeedACleverNN]

Why the hell is this line still trotted out?

I've even seen it on here. Woman falls pregnant, boyfriend doesn't want it and wants an abortion. She doesn't. People advise her to keep the baby and let him go. Don't bother seeking child maintenance because he didn't want the baby in the first place.

No!! If he didn't want a baby he should take his own precautions to preventing pregnancy. You don't like condoms? You don't have sex!

HeyRobot Spot on! It's the most fucking ridiculous thing I've ever heard!

Let me get this straight some people think the following should happen..

1. Woman gets pregnant
2. Shortly after the father, be it husband, boyfriend or one night stand, makes the decision based on how he feels on that day, to be involved or not
3. He can sign a declaration absconding him of financial and emotional responsibility
4. Woman goes through pregnancy and birth completely alone
5. Woman raises child on one salary, or probably no salary as can't afford child care. Possibility of being in poverty sky rockets
6. Child goes through life with no right to know its father
7. Father never has to worry about it again

Two people lose out, someone gets their way on the technicality that they have a penis

What kind of complete and utter fucktard thinks this is a good idea?

little and lilacinn I think any cunt who thinks my child, or any other born without two loving parents, should actually have abortions or give dc away for adoption at birth themselves. Because having a parent who is a sick fucker is hugely detrimental.

As for the main point of the thread, like pps I'll support a mans right to choose just as soon as one is pregnant.

*thinks my child shouldn't have been born

lurked this thread is one of the most offensive and anti-women ones I have seen so far on MN. Don't let it get to you. Some of these posters will also defend men who grope other women's genitals as 'just trying it on' or catcalling pre-pubescent girls as 'just having a laugh'. I have no idea why. I have tried to wrap my head around it, and have decided that it is an absolute waste of time. Some comments here border on eugenics. Just continue being a mum, and the person your children can depend upon.

lorelei thankyou. It hasn't really got to me, because people with opinions like that aren't worth it, they're just scum. It's more that people like that were exactly the reason so many women and children suffered forced adoptions, asylums, magdalene laundries etc.

Pinky you've articulated it so well there, exactly what I was thinking and couldn't express properly. Spot on.

VoyageOfDad How can you know anything for certain though?

I was engaged to my DCs dad. 4 years together. He still ran off when I hit 5mths pregnant. yet he was happy as fucking larry to become a dad.

My sister was certain her one night stand was going to do a runner. He didn't he stepped up and now... by some miracle is now my BIL and they have another child.

My other sister thought her (now ex) husband was going to stick by her. She got pregnant and he turned into the most vile arsehole and social services had to be involved.

So please, don't peddle out some notion of 'knowing the lay of the land' and waiting for someone to be more committed because no matter how much a man thinks he is ready and committed he still has every opportunity to do a runner and ditch all responsibility leaving us women to raise kids alone. That's how it has always been and until someone actually has the balls to change the law and increase the consequences for fathers who abandon their unborn children it will continue.

This 'allow them to give up parental responsibility' doesn't protect women in fact it harms them far far more than you could ever imagine and says to men, again, do what you like, we've got your back

Fuck I would love to own a penis and be so oblivious to it all too.

With all these people defending a man's right to hump & dump, you'd think that there isn't a single country where men are expected, even legally forced to contribute towards the children they created.

So, y'know those countries like America Australia, most of Europe . . . Oh, wait, yep. They all make men pay instead of running up the benefits bill. And still they have a functioning society.

Voyage what if a woman doesn't want the abortion? As I've said before it's not like getting a check up at the dentist, it has huge physical and mental consequences. So if she doesn't want to go through that Should she just accept a (atleast financial) struggle for her and her child because the father doesn't fancy stepping up to the plate?

No one can make a father be involved emotionally in their child's life. But damn right he should be paying for it financially no matter the circumstances

How can you know anything for certain though?

I wasn't sure if I was ready to be a parent. My partner pretty much begged me to have the baby, and then a few months after the birth decided that he wasn't destined to be a Dad, he was destined to be a pop star, and off he went. And as far as people whining that men have to pay, my ex managed to dodge that very successfully one way and another. He gave me £10 a week for our DS for about three years, but then he needed his money for recording equipment...

To be honest he shouldn't have sex if he is that anti child and certainly shouldn't wade with his wellies....

Without his wellies

repent I know that all too well. I wasn't so sure either (a mix of what if, Not wanting to face another miscarriage etc etc) even after all my fertility issues but he begged then ran off. Haven't seen him for 8yrs now.

Within the first 24 weeks though? So he could string her along for months as long as he says before 24 weeks (when an abortion would be much more difficult physically and emotionally) and that would be fine and dandy because she had options?

If a bloke is all for it, and then twats off after a month it's a different story. One is being frank and honest at the start, the other is a deception.

Yet if the law was in favour of men 'opting out' both types of women miss out.

Luckily I don't think that law would ever be passed in this country but I'm very sad that some people especially women think it should

As for the physical and emotional effects. Birth also carries those risks so rejecting a termination doesn't guard a person.

I agree, and I'm the type of person who wouldn't reject a termination in the right circumstances. However some people just couldn't go through a termination, but could face being a parent, and I think we need to remember that "but she could have an abortion" is completely irrelevant in a lot of circumstances.

Oh do cock off voyage

If a man is honest and responsible about not wanting kids he will do his damnedest not to get a woman fucking pregnant in the first place by

A) using a condom
B) getting a vasectomy
C) not engaging in sexual activity that will result in an unwanted pregnancy.

as for the 24 weeks rule you suggest? You do know after 24 weeks that a woman cannot get an an abortion unless it is to SAVE HER LIFE or because it will be highly unlikely that the child will not survive beyond the birth www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Abortion/Pages/When-should-it-be-done.aspx

only a person who has zero clue about being responsible would suggest a woman continues a pregnancy for up to 24 fucking weeks while a man decides if he maybe wants to be responsible for the already conceived child. That is some kind of sick torture only the lowest of humans could even come up with

As for the physical and emotional effects. Birth also carries those risks so rejecting a termination doesn't guard a person.

Yes it does. Absolutely. But...

some people just couldn't go through a termination, but could face being a parent, and I think we need to remember that "but she could have an abortion" is completely irrelevant in a lot of circumstances.

Agree with Voyage. If the man disavows the child in the first trimester when an abortion is readily available, he should be absolved of further responsibility. Just as a woman can choose to absolve herself.