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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to ask my language school student to leave?

25 replies

Alicesmith85 · 02/08/2016 19:03

My partner and I host foreign language school students regularly. It's a good way to make extra income out of our spare room and we have had some lovely students stay. However, we have had enough of the lack of privacy and agreed that our current one would be our last. He arrived on Saturday and is very polite although his English really isn't good which is making things hard communication wise. He is 21. However, he has forgotten his keys two days in a row and woke me up late at night to let him know and had left the bathroom in a mess this morning which has really annoyed me. Pubic hair everywhere and he had clearly shaved in the sink and left stubble everywhere. We are also away for a few days next week and I'm not sure I'm comfortable leaving him in the house due to the business of forgetting keys. I don't want him locked out in the middle of the night when I'm not here to let him in.

I'm tempted to ring the language school tomorrow and ask for him to be placed with another family. I just feel quite guilty that Im going to offend a young man that is really very polite.

What would you do? X

OP posts:
c3pu · 02/08/2016 19:05

YANBU.

Sassypants82 · 02/08/2016 19:06

Personally, I'd see it through. Have a conversation about the keys & the bathroom & give him a chance. He needs to be told what is expected of him & given the opportunity to behave in the way you find more acceptable. I don't think the reasons listed are enough to have him placed elsewhere.

LindyHemming · 02/08/2016 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sassypants82 · 02/08/2016 19:08

Appalling behaviour? Really? That's a bit of an over reaction to a few pubes, a bit if stubble & forgotten keys.

Original poster
Alicesmith85 · 02/08/2016 19:08

It's for five weeks. If we wasn't away next week I wouldn't be so worried. thanks for the replies so far. I'm tortiring myself over this. I feel guilty wanting him out.

OP posts:
myownprivateidaho · 02/08/2016 19:10

I think you need to give some kind of final warning tbh. None of the things you've complained of are unreasonable, but kicking out a lodger without at least a last warning seems harsh.

LindyHemming · 02/08/2016 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stillunexpected · 02/08/2016 19:43

He's probably a 21 year old who has never lived away from home so has no concept of being independent or the fact that the cleaning fairies don't pick up after him. If you want rid of him, I think telling him that you have to go away and don't feel comfortable leaving him in your home as he has already forgotten his keys twice and you are concerned about him, is the way to go.

LaurieFairyCake · 02/08/2016 19:46

God I'm so uptight - the idea of leaving some 21 year old stranger in my house while I went on holiday utterly terrifies me Shock

Floggingmolly · 02/08/2016 19:49

Why would you offer to host a student when you're going on holiday? That's just plain weird.

Original poster
Alicesmith85 · 02/08/2016 20:01

Thanks everyone. I'm going to sleep on this tonight. Had a chat with him over dinner regarding keys, he's promised they will live in his back pack.

Floggingmolly, I regularly leave the students for a night or two if I have plans. It's perfectly acceptable to the language school as long as over they are over eighteen. Wouldn't leave them for more than 3/4 nights.

OP posts:
seasidesally · 02/08/2016 20:04

He's 21! In a younger person I would be more forgiving, but I think that behaviour is awful. The OP's family is kindly hosting him and he's being very disrespectful.

uh op is doing it for the income lets not make out its a favour

maybe he is from a country eg Saudi where what is expected of him is very differrent from what we would expect from a 21 yr old

IonaNE · 02/08/2016 20:20

I think it's appalling behaviour. If he's from a culture where servants clean after him and are always at home to let him in, it's understandable, but still appalling in that he has failed to adjust. I would get him placed somewhere else, and to help him, I would also tell him via an interpreter, why exactly. So he does not end up kicked out of the next place, too.

FithColumnist · 02/08/2016 20:40

One thing that people tend to forget about foreign language students who aren't from Europe is that they tend to be from the rather more wealthy end of the social spectrum. A lot of them have cleaners or servants at home, and honestly don't know how to function in what we in the UK would term the "real world". The cleanliness of student housing is never all that pleasant, but some of the vilest I've seen is a flat shared by three young men in their early 20s from Saudi Arabia. All lovely, polite boys, but with zero clue on how to look after themselves.

littleprincesssara · 02/08/2016 21:38

If he does get locked out while you're away it'll certainly teach him a good lesson about responsibility.

Zxzx · 02/08/2016 22:25

YABU. - forgetting his keys was stupid but not 'appalling', leaving the bathroom messy was rude and inconsiderate but not 'appalling'

I think you've probably just been very lucky with your previous students.

TealLove · 02/08/2016 22:31

The behaviour is not that bad.

annandale · 02/08/2016 22:33

I would contact the language school and ask them about another family who could be a backup contact for him while you're away in case of problems.

TBH the stubble in the sink issue screams that you are fed up with this whole arrangement and really shouldn't have taken this last booking. It's hardly the crime of the century.

Maybe book a one off cleaner, either for the day after you get back or for the end of the booking? Get the house pristine and move on.

panegyricS1 · 02/08/2016 22:33

Being moved could knock his confidence and spoil his short time in the UK. In your position I would grin and bear it, especially given that he's agreed to look after his key and leave the bathroom as he found it (if he lapses with either of those things, definitely have no qualms about remonstrating with him).

LyndaNotLinda · 02/08/2016 22:37

They are given a lot of information by the language school on the correct way to behave when staying as a guest in someone else's home. Some of them choose to ignore it

AbbieLexie · 02/08/2016 23:00

Could you ask a friend to sleep over? We have a friend we comes to stay if we go away for a couple of days. We buy ready meals so she has little preparation to do. She sees it as a holiday. The student is always better looked after because she runs after them!

BillSykesDog · 02/08/2016 23:06

YABU. It's not behaviour which warrants kicking out. I think you're being very unfair, you've basically decided that you're not doing this anymore so you're looking for excuses to wriggle out of the last booking. This is very, very unfair on him, you shouldn't have taken the booking on if you weren't fully committed.

hotdiggedy · 02/08/2016 23:08

Interesting that someone decided that he could well be from Saudi and then a few others chips in with their views on Saudi students. He could be from any country in the world!

PitilessYank · 02/08/2016 23:13

I would stick with it. It does sound as if you have lost your patience with hosting, and you will be better off not doing it in the future.

For his sake, though, don't kick him out-it would be ungenerous.

someonestolemynick · 02/08/2016 23:14

It's five weeks! Just see it though. Leave a key with a neighbour just in case and get student to clean up after himself.

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