To think you shouldn't start toilet training someone else's child?

[FeelingStupid2015]

DM was looking after DS (2) recently and took it upon herself to start potty training him with no prior instruction or consent from either me or DH.

We haven't started the process ourselves yet as we don't feel he is completely ready and with a new baby, we want to make sure he feels settled into the new family dynamic before we embark on it. We also want a clear run without any other engagements, so that we can fully devote ourselves to the process.

I'm aware that we need to choose our battles with DM, and it goes without saying that we are eternally grateful for her childcare help when we require it.

However, AIBU to think that she is wrong to start toilet training Ds without any prior discussion with us? I feel it's a decision that should be made by us as parents and no-one else.

[murmuration]

I don't think that's too bad, OP. I wouldn't even call it potty training. Your little one will wee in a number of places before being trained :) If you'd rather avoid potties and go straight to toilets, just ask her to not do it again and you can toilet train when you're ready. This will surely not have a lasting effect.

[paxillin]

I wouldn't have a problem if she put him on the potty after lunch to celebrate a tinkle.

[NeedAnotherGlass]

As long as your son is quite happy about it, let her crack on - it's one less job for you to do.
It just doesn't work like that though! She can't potty train him in isolation, it requires parental input. It was completely unreasonable of her to do anything to do with potty training because it could confuse the child and create more work for the parents.
It is entirely the parents' decision when they decide to start potty training.

[FiveFullFathoms]

Was she trying to potty train him or did she just plonk him on the potty on a whim? I really don't think the latter is a big deal honestly.

Both of mine sat on the potty/loo in random ocassions from about 18 months. I used to put them on the loo while I was running their bath. Sometimes they did a wee, sometimes not. I didn't consider it potty training really, more them just getting used to the loo, realising it wasn't scary etc.

[dailymaillazyjournos]

YANBU. No way can I imagine taking a unilateral decision to potty train dgd. It's up to dd & dsil when they start. I could,, at a stretch, imagine asking if they'd like me to make a start on it, but it's pretty unlikely that I could see a situation arising that I felt I should ask that.

As GPs you aren't the parent. If dd asks me to do something a certain way, I don't then decide to do it totally differently, or not do it at all. I want her to have confidence that she can trust me to look after dgd in a way that she's comfortable with, not go off at a tangent and decide for myself to wean or potty train or whatever, with no discussion first.