How annoyed would you be

[Pixienott0005]

Ok this legitimately isn't a situation I am in, my sister has been texting me on and off all day about a big fat family feud that has arisen, and I'm wondering what others make of it. Her son (my nephew) was 1 Thursday. Wednesday's her mil looks after her son for 1 day.

My sister collects him from mil house to find the place covered in banners, one of those big 1 helium balloons, more helium balloons, normal balloons every where etc. Her mil told her that her and her SIL had a party for her son and they had a cake and everything.

My sister is irritated as she's saying it is mainly a special milestone for her and her little family. Also kind of takes the specialness out of what her and her partner were going to do on her sons actual birthday on the Thursday. Her mil has just gone and done it all before hand. Plus there was a family party on Saturday where we all celebrated anyway.

Bit much or?

BertrandRussell

I am totally with you. Just seems another thing to get angry about for no reason.

It may have been a last minute decision so want mentioned before.

The sisIL didn't just pop over with a cake, there were inflated 1 helium baloons, bannors, the works..

why would you not mention that?

I mean when the kid was dropped off wouldn't it just naturally come out "oo hello DGC, we're going to have lots of fun today, aren't we? yes? aunty X is comming and we'll have a little cake for you because you're a big girl this week" then "see you later DIL, we'll save you a slice, do you want us to keep the bannors and baloons for you to use tomorrow/saturday?"

Is pretty easy to pick up balloons cake etc as impulse bus in the supermarket, there is no planning required.

None of my local supermarkets do the helium numbers ready inflated unless you purchase the big canister too (in big tescos), you have to go to a specific card or baloon/party shop to get an inflated helium number, then somewhere else for cake. C'mon this party didn't just happen out of thin air!

That's surprising as they are really available round here but you obviously just want to think the worst.

Of course she could also have bought a canister as had other helium balloons or she might already have had one from a previous occasion. But that's obviously last likely explanation...

they are readily available here, but not in the supermarket unless you buy them uninflected. You have to make a separate stop at a card shop if you want one inflated.

I'm not "thinking the worst" I'm stating a fact, you cannot buy inflated number helium baloons in even the larger Tescos, Sainsburys or Asda round here.

They're easily got, yes, lots of card shops do them. But you can't impulse buy em in Sainsbos while you're grabbing some bread and milk. You still have to make a specific stop for them.

Who gets worked up over a cake and balloons?

A one year olds birthday party is for adults to take photos that's it.

If they can't do something nice when providing childcare maybe she needs to actually pay for formal childcare where she can lay down rules about doing nice things.

The canisters from tescos are massive and heavy you wouldn't grab one and pop it under the buggy while out with a one yr old

While the child definitely wouldn't have any memory of it, I do find it somewhat strange that MIL organised such a party without 1) telling your sister about it and 2) without considering that the parents would want to be there for such an event. I think I would probably be annoyed with that. But then again, I am in no position to comment because my MIL never even sends birthday cards for my son, let alone organise parties!

Not massively bothered personally but if your sister is, I'd see this as a warning for future birthdays when MIL could do a repeat performance when DC will actually know/remember what's going on.

Sorry - did I read it right:
Not only did DGM (i.e. MIL) arrange a 1st BD party ahead of the actual 1st BD, and when a family celebration was already planned for the weekend - she didn't even include the Baby's ACTUAL DPs?!!

In my book, that is seriously overstepping the mark.

I really wouldn't be totally bothered (a little, but not worth a row level) if DMIL had bought a cake and DSIL was there when I arrived to collect my about to turn 1yo DC, where we all had candles, cake etc and a nice cup of tea as the ladies in DC's life. Or similar.

But to do it behind my back, and the celebration already over when I got there, and DC not having the magic of "`1st cake and candles" with me there, AND having already arranged some celebration that those ladies were to attend at the weekend - that would make me seriously pissed off. Probably enough to actually have words with DH at least, and probably even the ladies themselves!

If it was a spur of the moment thing with a tesco cake and a pack of cheap balloons it would be fine but this sounds planned.

And nothing wrong with that, except why not mention it? Its very odd - sounds like she deliberately kept it from you to exclude you. Bonkers.

I grumble occasionally about my MIL but she's to be cherished when I compare her with other mumsnetters threads.

Would make me cross, I admit, but he's only one and won't remember.

It wasn't ideal, but when you use family as free childcare, you have to put up with these things happening.

Who was at the party? If it was MIL, her sis and a couple of neighbours, I don't see the problem

We have been always of a "more the merrier" and "more love the better". I'd be thrilled if others loved my DC and wanted to host a party to show the love.

I get that OP sister felt blindsided. But would encourage she focus on the positive.

We celebrate birthday week here. So there is plenty of celebration and not too much hype about the day (life will intercede in the future ... Often best to understand early that you celebrate when you can and not to dwell on a single day being the most important thing ... It's about the love, right?).