How annoyed would you be

[Pixienott0005]

Ok this legitimately isn't a situation I am in, my sister has been texting me on and off all day about a big fat family feud that has arisen, and I'm wondering what others make of it. Her son (my nephew) was 1 Thursday. Wednesday's her mil looks after her son for 1 day.

My sister collects him from mil house to find the place covered in banners, one of those big 1 helium balloons, more helium balloons, normal balloons every where etc. Her mil told her that her and her SIL had a party for her son and they had a cake and everything.

My sister is irritated as she's saying it is mainly a special milestone for her and her little family. Also kind of takes the specialness out of what her and her partner were going to do on her sons actual birthday on the Thursday. Her mil has just gone and done it all before hand. Plus there was a family party on Saturday where we all celebrated anyway.

Bit much or?

Was it actually a proper party with other guests invited?

2 adults and a baby hardly makes a party though, does it?

I would be seriously pissed off, actually I am pissed off on her sisters behalf.
My aunt did this 17 years ago with my one and only child. It winds me up every year on his birthday that I missed his first party. Said aunt also said at the time she would pay for his 21st. She was told then she would not be invited and as I am still carrying that anger I think I will be carrying through on that threat.

Your sister is understandably upset and hopefully she can let it go and move past it because I can tell you, it puts a tinge on every birthday afterwards.

Was the actual party on the Saturday before, or the Saturday after?

It will only impinge on every other birthday to come if you allow it to.

So your sister had a party at the weekend ...which MIL went to ......and by any chance does MIL not know about your sisters more exclusive plans for her "little family" because she wasn't invited?

If that is the case then you sister has no one to blame but herself.

Agreed though the kid won't remember , if your sister wants to turn it into some kind of feud , lose her childcare and damage family relations long term then that's her choice no matter how unreasonable it may seem to others.

I'd keep out of it!

I'd be irritated by the secrecy and sneaking around. It sets a precedent for the MIL getting away with ignoring the DIL's wishes.

Did she sneak around and try to hide it?

But if there was already a party on the Saturday and there will be another on his actual birthday then I don't see the problem? Your sister already did the first party/celebrating the milestone thing didn't she? I'd think it was nice, obviously its a bit different if a party hadn't already taken place, in that case I'd be upset.

I'd be very annoyed as I'd see it as them trying to one upmanship your sister. No other reason for it.

Dds school celebrate birthdays but as hers is in August they did it on the last day of term, sang happy birthday and did cakes. I vaguely remember nursery doing the same. Mil is doing childcare so I'd think of it like that rather than mil stealing your thunder.

Can't say it would bother me. Any first birthday do is for the adults, not the child, and this was not actually on his birthday anyway.

I'd just have any do I was planning anyway.
Not worth rowing about IMO, especially with someone who regularly does childcare duty.

I'd be pissed off at being handed a 1 year old brimming to the eyeballs with sugar on a work night, but I'm "boring" haha

Yeah I would be pissed too. But your nephew won't have a clue. Sounds like a wonderful interfering MIL. Are they all like that?!

True, he won't care he's 1
BUT BUT BUT

Tell your sister not to tell her MIL what she's planning on getting her DC for their birthday/christmas, or about any cinema/special outting trips she has planned
Sounds like the kinda MIL who would arrive with a bike with bows on it 5 days before Christmas if her DIL told her she was planning on giving one from santa
Or if the DIL said she was looking forward to taking the DC to their first panto performance, she'ld pick DC up after having been with MIL

Throw the MIL off scent and use it to her advantage: e.g. tell MIL how she's planning to take the DC to see their first circus if your sis actually HATES clowns and can think of nothing worse and would be glad of someone else doing it for her

Mil overstepped the mark, I wouldn't like this personally.

I would be very upset, probably irrationally so considering that it was a 1st birthday and the child won't have had a clue about what was happening. However, thinking about it with a calm head it would make me question the motives of the MIL. And if I concluded that she was trying some sort of 'oneupmanship' with me, it would make me very wary of leaving her in a position to pull that kind of stunt again. Over all it might be a good thing this happened now because it means that the OP's sister can take steps now to be sure her MIL doesn't do something similar at a point when it will matter more.

I'm a proper, possessive fusspot and I couldn't bring myself to be annoyed about this.

The main party has happend. It wasn't his actual birthday. It's a bit pfgc of the Gran but no harm done.

if there were any sort of non shitty motives on the MILs part and she was just excited, she would have told the mum about it before hand and asked her to stay!

It wouldn't bother me at all. A bit surprised at the strong reactions of some PPs.

Thats exactly what I was thinking fuckits

Who has a first birthday party before the actual birthday and doesn't invite or even inform the kids parents?!

MIL gets to throw parties for the children she gave birth to (while they are children) not children that other women have given birth to. I'd be changing childcare over this, it's delI berate undermining of the parents role imo.

*deliberate

MIL wanted to get in first, and thats nasty.

Doesnt matter that the child wont remember, seems like she was just trying to make a point. I would be really fucking mad and I am as laid back as they come about stuff like this!