Don't want to miss out on any mum panics

[Thingmcthingyface]

I am really enjoying motherhood but it does seem to be a string of worries and panics fuelled by MN and I'd like to know what's next!!

E.g.
Eating the wrong thing while pregnant
Insufficient in utero bonding
Doing something to cause premature labour
Going post dates and causing stillbirth
Giving of formula over BF or causing nipple confusion
Bed sharing causing smothering
Not co-sleeping causing distress to baby
Not having a routine causing 'rod for own back' syndrome
Having too much routine causing distress to baby
Not sleep training
Sleep training
Choking
Using those plug socket protectors
Plonking in front of cartoons is bad
Play pens being evil bang goes my no cartoon strategy
Early gender stereotyping resulting from pink / blue babygros / toys
Big fruit vs bananas cut into tiny slices and quarters
Weaning too early
Weaning too late
looking at mumsnet instead of giving DC 100% attention 100% of the time

That gets me to 4 months! Have I missed any worries/panics and what's next to freak out about? I want to get this just right...

You haven't mentioned any of the poo worries

I know toilet training looms in the future and have learned that icy wash downs while smiling are psychopathic not the way to go...

Argh!!! Yes!!! Poo!!

Too much poo
Not enough poo
Giving calpol to make the little bastard sleep around Men B vaccine
Should the BCG weeping pus

Poo the wrong colour

Not only poo the wrong colour but the absence of poo! My DD (who's now 6 months) once went 10 days without even so much as a tiny shart! I've now learned it's totally normal! Xx

Are you doing letter cards and baby Einstein yet? S/HE IS FALLING BEHIND! And do register for Soccertots and ballet, all the good coaches will be booked up by the time s/he will be 18months old.

Purées vs BLW! Already causing quite a lot of healthy debate in my social circles (babies all 5-6 months)

Wow that's a lot of worries and you haven't got to immunisations yet.

Baby not crawling yet, when we they going to crawl?
Oh shit, the baby is crawling, how do I keep him safe?

Yy to the after school clubs. How many is too many? Should they do ballet or karate? Learn the bassoon? Why cant they ride a bike yet, or swim? Cubs is good for them/missed the deadline, will they be scarred for life?

Is he getting enough sensory play?
Am I doing enough/the right classes?
Does he need yet another Lamaze toy on his pram?
When do I switch the pram carrycot to the seat bit?
On and on it goes!

Are they using screens too much vs are you holding them back by not letting them get to grips with modern technology
Are you getting them plenty of chances to socialise vs bullying kids at play sessions and managing to catch every bug going
Encouraging independence and confidence vs ending up with an unmanageable badly behaved little so and so
We have a cat. I have been told that this is a good idea as my children are less likely to have allergies to do plenty of early exposure and also that I am a truly terrible parent who doesn't care as my cat will either smother them or infect them with toxoplasmosis and they'll die. Actually my cat hates both of them and spends most of her time lurking at the bottom of the garden.
I have come to the conclusion that I'm only going to get it wrong anyway and as my youngest is the stubbornest fussiest toddler you can hope to meet, if he's relatively clean, dressed and has at least eaten something then it can't be too bad.

You are a very bad mum not to even mention a savings plan for uni yet

Crucial one... how to extricate child from their vest after a poo-nami.

My favourite worries are all the ones that come with RISK OF DEATH, like choking and plug sockets. Oh and I forgot there was the week of hind milk fore milk green poo yellow poo paranoia. then this midwife just went 'oh that's a myth'.

Don't forget to sterilise All The Things.

zoobaby Poo-nami! DH and I have spent many an hour coming up with names for these...
Poo-maggeddon
The A-poo-calypse
And my personal favourite:
Vladimir Poo-tin...

Ty-poon....

The Poo-ba Missile Crisis.

The vomit doesn't stop by the way. My daughter threw up on me in the car on the first day of sixth form!!

SaucyJack OR Steralizing All The Things will cause lifetime of poor immunity. Sterilise None Of The Things.

Just one word - Nits...!

Skiing/rugby/horse riding cause certain death and/or paralysis and therefore markers for neglectful parenting
OR are essential for the model MC childhood

Insufficient in utero bonding??????

OP - When you get to preparing your DC for secondary school you realise what food they ate, & what milk they drank (bf or ff) at age 1 is irrelevant.

A wise Mum friend told me recently that when they are choosing their GCSE options I will look back on the panic I have about DC starting High School fondly.

She has a 16yo, she knows more than I do!

Every stage has it's moments, I'm genuinely puzzled why everyone always concentrates on the baby years. Preteens require a lot more input & work