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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To spend my money this way?

95 replies

facepalming · 31/07/2016 08:14

I'm about to move house, moving from a not very nice part of London back to the country town I grew up.

We are fortunate that we made enough on our little house here to afford a nice house and enough to cover the moving expenses.

My DC's are 2 and 6 months so I was really worried about moving as DH and I don't get any help.

So to make life easier I've booked the movers to pack us and i have cleaners booked to deep clean both houses.

We are staying in a hotel the night we move so that the cleaners can get into the new house easily and then our belongings are coming the next day.

My mum thinks this is outrageous and suggested that now I'm moving to a nice house I think I'm too good to do these jobs myself.

I think that's a bit unfair - there will be still be lots of work for us to do. aibu to spend our profits to make life a bit easier for the move?

OP posts:

applesandpears33 · 31/07/2016 09:15

Sounds like a great idea. If we ever move again I'll pay for cleaners. Maybe your mum hasn't moved for some years and has forgotten just how much work is involved.

FerdinandsMassiveBollocks · 31/07/2016 09:17

Grr "she" should have read dh.

dodobookends · 31/07/2016 09:17

Perhaps you could suggest to your mum that she might like to go into the new house and do the deep clean herself before you move in?

ZansForCans · 31/07/2016 09:19

We had packers for our last two moves, it was amazing. The thing is they pack at lightning speed because they aren't stopping to make a decision about each item or nostalgically look through stuff (or getting distracted by toddlers of course). So it was cheaper than I expected and money well spent as it saved a huge amount of time and stress.

I'd happily pay for cleaning too. What's the problem, you're paying for a service and giving someone good paid work and helping the economy. Your mum's attitude is about old fashioned "pride" that basically translates into "women have to bust a gut doing everything or be seen as a failure". No - you have 2 tiny DC, you can afford it and you're doing the right thing.

Guavaf1sh · 31/07/2016 09:20

It's a generation thing. You're absolutely right. I will occasionally take a taxi while my parents would never consider it. Even if it was the last form of transport and the alternative was walking all day. They would just plan for the walking as 'we can't waste money on a taxi'

puglife15 · 31/07/2016 09:21

I think it's a generational thing. I get digs about having a cleaner and the fact I find it hard getting stuff done with two kids. Lots of "in my day".

Yeah in your day you left your babies to cry and ignored them so you could spent the whole day doing chores... Sounds great!

JustHappy3 · 31/07/2016 09:22

The movers/cleaners thing is very sensible. We even stuck it all in storage for 2 weeks while we painted and recarpeted the empty new house.
Moving to live near your opinionated puritan mum is the only dodgy part! Will she put a dampner on every life enhancing, stress relieving idea you have?!
My mil is obsessed by the fact i have a cleaner - it's debauched and lazy in her book! So book one fast if you want one as she may as well spit tacks over that at the same time. And hide any prechopped veg at the back of the freezer!

Flowerpower41 · 31/07/2016 09:24

Why may I ask does your dm not help at all?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 31/07/2016 09:24

Sounds like your mum doesn't think you CAN afford it and that's why she's commenting. I take it you aren't short of money in any way at all? Haven't had to ask her for a loan for anything eg car repair? I only ask as my sister is crap with money, earns a good salary but yet just spends it on extravagant stuff and doesnt put any aside for emergencies. When an emergency crops up, she goes to my mum for a loan. Think my mum and dad have got fed up of it now - she's a middle-aged woman and isn't short of money, she just over spends.

Obviously if none of that applies to you, there is no need for your mum to make snarky comments. I would just say "we can afford it so there isn't a problem, Mum, is there?"

Madhairday · 31/07/2016 09:26

Yanbu at all. I'm moving in October and will be doing the same.

I think it's great you're getting both houses deep cleaned too. So many people move out and leave their home in such a disgusting state for those moving in. It's lovely that you're doing that and leaving it clean for them.

ZansForCans · 31/07/2016 09:27

A friend once told me about her MIL freaking out that she and her DH were going for a walk and planned to stop for a coffee out. MIL frantically rushed about to prepare them a flask of instant coffee. Friend said "it's OK, I want to have a nice coffee out" but MIL wouldn't hear of it so they had to take the flask! :o

My mum and her DH do go out for coffee, at Wetherspoons, then spend the whole time moaning that they are being ripped off

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 31/07/2016 09:28

Pack up a house and clean two houses with a 2 year old and a baby? Hahahahaha! No.

YANBU! YAB sensible.

KittensandKnitting · 31/07/2016 09:30

YANBU

Few years ago, about 5 I think, I did the same move (best thing I've ever done was moving out of London!) to move closer to DP before making the leap of us all living together (he has full custody of 2DC)

i did all the cleaning, I packed everything (and I have a lot of things) and with help moved it all.

NEVER again

It was exhausting, oh so exhausting and that was with DC at school.

You are a very wise lady! Moving is incredibly stressful but I really am so glad I moved out of London, I do sometimes miss the "pop to the museum" it's a good 2hr trip now but quality of life is so much better.

My first day back someone said hello to me on the street on a Sunday morning... I'd forgotten people even acknowledged others

Enjoy your new home so exciting for you!! Unpacking is still a pain in the arse but at least a bit more fun, get wine for when your finished your need it

PacificDogwod · 31/07/2016 09:31

YANBU. At all.

I've moved 3x with DCs of similar ages (kept having another baby… ) and your way is the only way it'll go without tears IME.

FourOnTheHill · 31/07/2016 09:31

Yanbu. I've just moved and done most of the cleaning and all of the packing myself. I got so tired in a way that benefitted no one in the family. My children are a bit older than yours but they still need at lot of attention and energy. At the age yours are, they need pretty much everything you have. Do be careful your mum doesn't continue to undermine your family decisions now your moved back near her.

ppeatfruit · 31/07/2016 09:33

Did she offer to clean the house or have the dcs for you? No, then you are being very reasonable !!!!

Original poster

facepalming · 31/07/2016 09:33

You guys are all awesome thanks for being on my side!

We are lucky to be comfortable enough that we won't struggle to affoRd it. We have a decent savings pot that we won't need to touch for the move thanks to the London price rises we've benefitted from.

DH and I both have decent SalAries (of course I'm on maternity leave now) but we are generally careful with money as we both come from backgrounds that are less well off than the lifestyle we have.

I think maybe that's the issue for my mum that we have been more comfortable thank her and my dad were when they had my sister and I. but then I was over thirty when I had my kids and my parents were early twenties.

My mum doesn't offer anything to us except her opinions!

I'm not too worried about being close by as I think the effort will be down to us to make to visit rather than the other way around but I think pps are right that I'm giving too much stock to her opinions!

OP posts:

FourOnTheHill · 31/07/2016 09:34

Oh and when I say I did 'most of the cleaning' I still spent £180 on carpet cleaning both houses, £75 on professional oven cleaning, and 4 hours general cleaning in each house. I still felt like I did most of the cleaning, and I was still exhausted to the point I thought I was broken and would never feel right again!

Eva50 · 31/07/2016 09:34

We moved when Ds was 11.5 months using a trailer, caravan and a few cardboard boxes (what must the neighbours have thought). The previous owners were still moving their stuff out when we arrived and the house was a mess. Food in the cupboards, toiletries in the bathroom and dust and grime. It spoilt the joy of our lovely new house. When we moved again with two ds's (3.5 & 2) the previous owners had the house deep cleaned. We just popped the cots in a bedroom and put them down for a nap so we could get drunk sorted out. Oh the joy! You are doing the right thing.

Squirrelsmum · 31/07/2016 09:34

I would have loved to have someone move us and clean the house. YANBU

MTWTFSS · 31/07/2016 09:36

Your mum is BU!!!

mum2Bomg · 31/07/2016 09:36

She's probably having flashbacks to all her moves and feeling jealous she couldn't do this too. YANBU - your money, your life etc. I think you're very wise!

acatcalledjohn · 31/07/2016 09:37

I would do the exact same! YADNBU. Moving is stressful enough as it is, the idea that your house is packed for you is bliss. I'd also pay for cleaners to clean the old house and the new house.

We had to clean cat hair out of the oven, it was grim.

How on earth does cat hair get in the oven? I know cat is a delicacy in certain cultures, but finding that would be very grim. Especially if you're a crazy cat lady cat lover like me...

sm40 · 31/07/2016 09:39

We had packers both moves (one without kids). Best money spent. I cleaned the house myself last move (kids at school and could do whilst packers doing their thing!). I probably would have got the cleaners in if kids had been younger. Got a thank you note off the new owners!!! You here all the horror stories of moving into dirty places and I was not going to be that person! Just one word of warning - packers get through a lot of tea!!

firawla · 31/07/2016 09:44

Yanbu at all - it's your money, and money spent to make life easier tends to be worth it! If we ever moved again I think I'd do the same.

With mums sometimes I think it's a generational thing. We had our kitchen refitted recently so only had a microwave and a fridge for 3 weeks, and not much preparation area as it was all in the living room. I mentioned that id bought some ready prepared sandwiches in the supermarket one day and my mum was outraged! They're only about a quid each, but my mum was like "in our day we never would have splashed out like that. Think how many you could make with one loaf of bread"

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