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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not really know what to do

66 replies

pleasemothermay1 · 30/07/2016 20:09

A dear friend of mine has shared a picture of a golliwog sent to her I presume by Somone she knows

Now she is married to a mixed raced guy

I am balck myself and I am just not sure if I should delete her from my face book

She really helped me out in the past and has been really dear to our family

She's a lot older than me 50s and dh has pointed out for a lot of older people they have fond memories of golliwogs but my memories are just being called a wog and spat at in school😳

I read some of the post and most were just like gosh so cute or I had one as a girl loved my golly so much 🙊

OP posts:
LisaMed1 · 30/07/2016 20:11

I'm in 50s. I wouldn't see a golliwog as appropriate.

GeoffreysGoat · 30/07/2016 20:12

You can either fight it - and lose a friend - or ignore it - and lose a friend

I deleted someone the other day for the same. Lovely person but I don't tolerate it and don't have the energy to waste digging up articles etc

WonkoTheSane42 · 30/07/2016 20:13

This sounds like ignorance rather than malice. You have three choices:

  1. Attempt to educate her.
  2. Write her off.
  3. Try to forget about it.

Bearing in mind that she might get defensive about 1.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 30/07/2016 20:13

If she is a dear friend just pm her and tell her it upset you. Don't delete without talking to her first.

Noonesfool · 30/07/2016 20:14

If she's a dear friend, I'd call her, tell her how it makes you feel. Then you'll know what to do, depending on her response.

fabulous01 · 30/07/2016 20:17

You are going to get rid of a dear friend because of a photo! Speak to her.
Facebook can be dire so you don't know the reasons behind it or if her account was hacked. If she is a dear friend who has helped you in past you should know her well enough than make such a decision on a stupid thing. You must be such a lovely friend to her!

RubbleBubble00 · 30/07/2016 20:17

Send her a pm about it. I didn't know about gollywogs and their racial implications until.the last couple of years - I'm in my 30s and it's oly being on.sites like this I learned the info

Original poster
pleasemothermay1 · 30/07/2016 20:18

Thing is her husband is mixed raced so I am 😳 For her to think this was ok

OP posts:
Amelie10 · 30/07/2016 20:23

I think you shouldn't say anything. You find it offensive but it doesn't sound like she is trying to be. Why would she do that to her own husband. Just hide the post if it bothers you that much.

canyou · 30/07/2016 20:24

I am no where near 50 and have fond memories of golly dolls but also I am not from the UK. I still have mine in a memory box as a memory of happier times so I cannot condem anyone who collect them, but feel that they should not be sold or displayed anymore, times have moved on and we are no longer innocent to the reality of what they are. Mine was given to me by a Ghanaian friend who did not understand their history and thought of them as a black clown like doll Shock
Don't ruin a friendship over a cloth doll, just tell your DF that you dislike them and they are inappropriate I bet she is the same as many people they were a loved toy from a time that had a differnt mind set. Allow her to see they are no longer appropriate. She may not even know their history, many Irish friends see them as the man/doll from the tea bag box. Use Facebook to educate

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 30/07/2016 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YoungGirlGrowingOld · 30/07/2016 20:30

I think the connotations are different for the older generation. My DM has just given me a golly - that she saved jam labels to collect years ago - for my DS who arrives in December. DS will be mixed race. DH and I both agree it was totally innocent - DM loved her golly when she was a child (as did I apparently, although I don't remember) and she wanted DS to have one.

I think it will have to stay hidden except for DM's visits though.

ImperialBlether · 30/07/2016 20:38

Hang on, less of the "older generation", please! MN has a very mixed age range and to say that about women in their 50s is pretty offensive.

CoolCarrie · 30/07/2016 20:45

I asked at a local museum what these kind of dolls are called now, and the lady said they are Jolly Gollys. The museum has a few of these. We can't rewrite history about so many things, if we do so many things will be forgotten and may be repeated, to the detriment of all.

Have a talk with her, face to face if you can, and explain how you feel. YANU to feel upset so take this opportunity to educate her about it.

toadgirl · 30/07/2016 20:45

I'm late 40s and had a golliwog I adored as a child. I called him Gordon. I had no idea about all the bad connotations until I was much older.

I doubt your friend has bad intent if she's been so dear to you in the past. It seems her husband hasn't mentioned it to her either.

nannybeach · 30/07/2016 20:46

Robertsons Gollys, we saved the stickers in the lids and got enamel badges in the 50s, it was just the Robertsons logo.In the village where I grew up there wasnt a single non-white person (am I allowed to say that, I get so damned confused by all this political correct speak)

nannybeach · 30/07/2016 20:47

Anyway W>O>G> stands for Western Oriental Gentleman, how can "gentlesman" not be considered polite.

Original poster
pleasemothermay1 · 30/07/2016 20:50

Really nanny so when they use the term wig in Oz to describe a aboriginal or when they called me a wog in the 90 it was term of Inderment

I don't think so

OP posts:
ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 30/07/2016 20:51

You think that word is polite nanny Shock

Words fail me.

mrsfuzzy · 30/07/2016 20:54

i wouldn't fall out with a good friend over this, especially if there are no other related problems in this regard, i don't give a fuck for most 'political correctness' but she's hardly racist if you are such good friend.

Original poster
pleasemothermay1 · 30/07/2016 20:55

wog1
wÉ’É¡/
nouninformaloffensive
BRITISH
a person who is not white.
AUSTRALIAN
a foreigner or immigrant, especially one from southern Europe.
Feedback

OP posts:
Original poster
pleasemothermay1 · 30/07/2016 21:00

Calling Somone a wog is not affectionate

Its othering

OP posts:
WibblyWobblyJellyHead · 30/07/2016 21:03

I would comment on the picture.

'Do you realise how offensive this is?'

And leave it at that.

toadgirl · 30/07/2016 21:06

Awkward!

Heidi42 · 30/07/2016 21:11

Are you for real OP or a troll?