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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to not really know what to do

66 replies

pleasemothermay1 · 30/07/2016 20:09

A dear friend of mine has shared a picture of a golliwog sent to her I presume by Somone she knows

Now she is married to a mixed raced guy

I am balck myself and I am just not sure if I should delete her from my face book

She really helped me out in the past and has been really dear to our family

She's a lot older than me 50s and dh has pointed out for a lot of older people they have fond memories of golliwogs but my memories are just being called a wog and spat at in school😳

I read some of the post and most were just like gosh so cute or I had one as a girl loved my golly so much 🙊

OP posts:

Fallstar · 30/07/2016 22:10

I was born in the 60s (mixed-race) and grew up knowing that they were a racist caricature. There's a massive difference between a black baby doll and a golliwog.

TheBouquets · 30/07/2016 22:10

I was stating that there are various types of dolls, i.e. white dolls, minions, teddies and there used to be Golliwogs. There were indeed black dolls too but I never had one. I do not know what minions are meant to represent, they look half robot half human. I am not fond of minions. I would not want a minion but I would have liked a Golly.
I don't decide whether I like a person or want to speak with a person because of their colour or country of origin. I am happy to meet and talk with anyone.
I am not intending any disrespect tor any race in saying that I would have loved a Golly. Apparently that makes me Thick!

blueistheonlycolourwefeel · 30/07/2016 22:18

I had 2 golly dolls, both made by my grandma. I loved them very much. BUT I would not buy my child one now as I understand the background of them, however, I do not believe my grandma made or gave them with the intention of malice.
My other Grandmother collected the Robinson's Gollys and they were a fun collection, never used in our world to disrespect black people, BUT I would not have them now. Times change.

mirime · 30/07/2016 22:25

I had a golly doll as well and a Robertson's badge. Fond memories, but neither item will be dug out and given to my son - assuming they're not both long gone. As a child I didn't even realise they were meant to represent black people.

Still it's amazing the things people don't know. Someone I worked with once used the word 'chink' and was surprised at the sudden silence and jaws dropping and we had to explain to her why you can't say that!

VulpesVulpes · 30/07/2016 22:27

Please is she from the UK? Just I was on holiday in the Netherlands recently and noticed quite a few golliwogs around much to my surprise (never actually seen one in real life before!) and it's quite common there. Just saying as perhaps they aren't seen as racist (to white people) outside the UK.

I'm in my late 20s and to be honest only first heard of them in my teens and still know very little about them but I certainly was aware when seeing them that time that they are racist.

Anyway I have a pretty strict policy of not associating with racists. In this case though I would probably send her a private message pointing out that golliwogs are racist and tell her about your experience growing up. Hopefully she will see your point and just hadn't realised. If not and she responds badly, delete her!

Careforadrink · 31/07/2016 01:15

If she has a mixed race husband she's clearly not racist.
Perhaps her dh doesn't find it offensive? There are a lot of black people who don't.
Yabu to end a friendship over this without raising it with her.

Birdsgottafly · 31/07/2016 01:18

The bouquets, go to Blackpool, they're still in the shops. I don't understand why you "are being denied one", what rubbish.

I've seen pictures of them on pages of FB, such as "those were the days", the post usually comes with a disclaimer, though.

If someone who was usually reasonable, it one up, I'd privately message them.

ladyformation · 31/07/2016 08:02

The amount of "my best friend is black so I can't be racist" type thinking that's on this thread is bizarre. Having a mixed race husband says very little about anything else that this woman thinks or feels.

OP, of course you're not under any obligation to spend your time and energy on educating people. However, in this case it's a dear friend and I would send her an honest message before doing anything else.

WhimsicalWinnifred · 31/07/2016 09:25

I'm 29 and white. I think k my knowledge of golliwogs is an odd one. I've always known them to be offensive and racist. It's only recent years that I've seen Facebook posts about how 'sweet' they are with peopl defemding them and I don't remember ever seeing them on jam.

It's actually an increase in posts like this and those on fb that have made me actually Google it and discovery the history.

Completely agree with a pp. It's not for me, as a white person to comment on what someone of another culture or colour finds offensive. It is for us to stop doing things that we know will upset that person.

toadgirl · 31/07/2016 09:46

I just remembered something else from my childhood.

Although my mother knitted me that golly that I loved so much, I know she wasn't racist.

As a family, we spent a short time in South Africa in the late 60s hoping to settle there. My mother said it was a beautiful place and she'd have happily settled there, save for one thing. Apartheid. She said it was a disgusting way to live and she could never be happy with the segregation and didn't want us being brought up in that atmosphere.

My mum obviously didn't make the association between Golly and racism either, despite being horrified at apartheid.

Of course, now we know more about the history of the gollies and what they mean, I wouldn't dream of having one now. I can't help thinking nice thoughts about Gordon the Golly though, as I had many happy childhood times with him. I can't really wipe that out of my memory, although of course I do know better now.

TheBouquets · 31/07/2016 15:47

I cant have a Goliwog because of the ban on selling them. I am a long distance from Blackpool but if I know of anyone going there I will ask for them to bring one to me. Thanks for that info.
My aunt should me her collection of dolls from all round the world. It was great to see them all dressed in national costume.

RedHareWithBlondeHair · 31/07/2016 15:51

I'm a little , that you'd start a thread asking if you should delete someone from your Facebook. How do you otherwise manage in life?

KoalaDownUnder · 31/07/2016 15:59

TheBouquets, so even now that you know they're considered racist and offensive, you still want one?

Why??

Chocolatefudgecake100 · 31/07/2016 17:46

My mum had a golliwog doll as a kid and loved it dearly she wishes she still had it
But my mother is not racist whatsoever infact has black friends and hates racism i can see why it would offend you but its not always meant offensively to black people

WrappedInABlankie · 31/07/2016 19:15

Maybe she just likes them and it's just a doll and that's that. As I said i'm mixed race and I liked them and played with them as a child. When I was in secondary school I went round a friends house who's mother wouldn't let me in until she had hidden all the Golli's in her house, she didn't want me to think of her as a racist (and she wasn't) she just liked the dolls and has done ever since she was a child.

Maybe message the friend and ask? Or tell her how you feel and ask if she can hide you from the post as it upsets you

Badbadtromance · 03/08/2016 18:47

So where's the op gone

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