to not want dd to move out of our room

[ollieplimsoles]

We have a 9 month old dd, since she was born she has slept in our room in a side sleeper cot. She has now out grown this and she sleeps in our bed with me and dh. We have ordered her another, larger cot and plan to have that one in our room too.

Our families can't understand why we don't move her into her own room now. Both our parents have commented that its not fair on her that she doesn't have her own space and we should set up a proper nursery.

All the other babies in the family were in their own rooms really early and it always gets dragged up in conversations with family members.

Its starting to grate on me! Is it so bad that we enjoy having our dd in our room, dh loves waking up to her cooing and laughing, and I love being so close to her during the night.

Even our friends are starting to say its odd now, are we BU ?

I love the idea that a 9 month old might need her own space! For quiet reading I guess? Or some much needed her time.

I moved DS into his own room when he was about 7/8 months I think and then spent about another 6 months mostly sleeping on his bedroom floor. So I wish I'd just moved him later! If I had another baby (no plans to though!) I would definitely just settle in for the long haul on sleeping together.

Pearlman, I was replying to Maybe, not to you. Cool it down.

I am glad that the phrase "rod for your own back" has been mentioned. It is a much banded term for a general unease about mothers prioritising the needs of an infant.

There seems a general unease about attending too closely to a baby's needs, often called spoiling or refusing to allow a baby to grow up, or "mummy martyr" syndrome.
Some women are sneaking about taking infants into their own beds at nights as if it was some guilty secret, picking up a crying infant because they are not "strong enough" to do controlled crying, giving a two year old a bottle or a breast but not admitting it as if it were some clandestine secret.

None of this should be hidden.

Terms like "rod for your own back " belong in the dark ages. ( When strangely enough most mothers slept with their babies well into childhood)

This infuriates me. My 9mo ds is in his own room. It has a cot. And a double bed that we cosleep.... I get all sorts of comments about it. Along with 'you're still breastfeeding?!?'. Er yes, I am. I'm not asking you to do either so I'm not sure what your problem is. STFU and FRO.

A rod for your back is a negative phrase, it cannot be viewed as a simple colloquialism by someone who has just had it quoted at them, it means you are creating a problem for yourself. That is not a non judgemental statement, how an earth do you know? Why bother saying it? It is not helpful just a pointless mean spirited aphorism. Unless of course the person saying it is offering to move in and help look after your child, be there for night wakings, maybe take on some of the feeds?? No?

LOL at 9 month olds 'needing their space'.

Bed/room sharing is normal for just about every animal/human culture. Tell them to mind their own business.

DS 1 and 2 slept in their own room from 6 months. Cue years of up and bloody down, going in and out of their rooms at all hours to 'settle them back down again.

Ds 3 is 2.6 and still in a cot with the side off, pushed up next to our bed so he can move between the two. We are all soooooo much happier, it has been fantastic.

If we had Dc 4 we would do the same.

Not a thing to do with it not being fair on her - I'm sure she is happy as a pig in you-know-what! I do wonder, though, if you're making a rod for your own back. You will want to move her into her own room eventually and the older she is, the more difficult this is likely to be. Your call, though, nothing to do with your family.

Translation:
Your baby is very happy, you might be making things more difficult for yourself based on anecdotes in my circle. But this has nothing to do with your family and you should do what you want to do.

Pearlman did not say, "Put her in her own room or you are making a rod for her own back!"

Yes so judgy.

It's absolutely lovely having your baby in your room. Waking up to that gorgeous squishy face just inches from your own. Hearing them gurgle and snuffle in their sleep. It's just gorgeous. And the baby can hear your breathing and feel so secure.

We had to stary in a family room in a hotel last week, I was dreading it, but i actually loved seeing my 4-year-old's beautiful face as I fell asleep, and seeing his little arms and legs sprawling all oer the covers as I woke.

If having your baby in your room is working for you as a family, then stick with it. When it stops working, change it. Don't mention it to your family members and if hey mention it, change the subject - "yes, she's in our room, it works for us. Another biscuit? looking forward to the Olympics?"

BTW - "rod for own back" is negative as all heck, however you say it.

Pearlman used the phrase in a very circumspect manner but it is not a subtle phrase, that is my point. If you mean it may be difficult in the future because xyz then say that. Using 'rod for your back' is just too unambiguous and a tired old cliché in my opinion. It has derailed the thread enough though so apologies for flogging a dead horse

Actually, I found moving an older child very easy - much easier, it seemed to me, than it would have been doing it any earlier, based on comparison to some friends' drawn-out dramas. Just explained what was going on, got a clock that lit up in the morning, and off she went - also terribly excited about the bed that she'd helped build into a room she'd helped decorate. Having her make it her own space seemed to make her look forward to the change, rather than feeling 'kicked out'. (BTW, DD moved at 3yo)

I read it exactly as pearlman is saying they meant it. It is very possible that people have different interpretations of the harshness of the phrase depending on their history of it being used against them. Babywearing/ cosleeping people may have heard it so many times in a negative way they feel it is being that way every time. I did those things but my friends are mostly hippies so it was never an issue. I would say if pearlman has clarified they did not mean it that way we should probably all take them at their word.

Flipping check pearl circumspect means considered not disguised! I was trying to be fair in saying you were not outright saying that the op was creating rod but never mind.

It is a cliché if you want to use it go ahead.

What would a 9 month old want with her own space? It's not like she'll want to redecorate, or put on her own music, or stay up late reading, is it?

I'm a single mama and I am in no rush to move my 6 month old DS into his own room as I will be bloody lovely without him. My dog sleeps in my bed with me so it's a cosy little party of 3 in my room and I shall be keeping it that way for some time yet. YANBU

*meant to say bloody lonely without him!

Ha! Ds2 is five next month. He's STILL in our bed and we're in no hurry to get him out.