to not want dd to move out of our room

[ollieplimsoles]

We have a 9 month old dd, since she was born she has slept in our room in a side sleeper cot. She has now out grown this and she sleeps in our bed with me and dh. We have ordered her another, larger cot and plan to have that one in our room too.

Our families can't understand why we don't move her into her own room now. Both our parents have commented that its not fair on her that she doesn't have her own space and we should set up a proper nursery.

All the other babies in the family were in their own rooms really early and it always gets dragged up in conversations with family members.

Its starting to grate on me! Is it so bad that we enjoy having our dd in our room, dh loves waking up to her cooing and laughing, and I love being so close to her during the night.

Even our friends are starting to say its odd now, are we BU ?

but I know people who have regretted this decision

Whatever.

You know some people..... ya de ya.

We had ds in with us until he was 12 months old which coincided with us moving house. I loved having him in with us. And missed him terribly the first few nights. But to be fair we all slept a little better when we changed.

Keep her in with you as long as you are happy to do so. But don't underestimate the sense of claiming your own space back when you do move her. It's nothing to do with your family where she sleeps though.

Maybebabybee I hate it too, And usually qualified by " I have a friend" ... or I knew of someone...

I can imagine it could be detrimental to a couple's relationship, but otherwise mine was delighted to get her own room when she was older.

"the older she is, the more difficult this is likely to be"

Wasn't difficult at all with DS at 2ish. We got him a fire engine bed for his room, he was so excited to sleep in it. A 9 month old on the other hand couldn't give a stuff about fire engine beds!

DD is moving into her own bed this summer. We've been talking about her own room and involving her in choosing how to decorate it. She's excited about it. No idea how you get a 9 month old excited about abstract concepts like wall decoration in a few weeks etc!

"I'm not judging anyone here, just putting across an alternative viewpoint."

I think that might work better Iwithout the phrase "rod for your own back" as it's overused by people who are judging / determined theirs is the only way.

Are you happy sharing? If you are, then smile and nod and ignore and keep her there.
Ds is nine months and sleeps in with us. From birth he's been a very cuddly clingy thing and he rarely settles in his cot.

Do what right for you and your family. Tiny kids don't need space - quite the opposite! They often prefer being close.

pearlman you are bosom hoiking with no good reason.

Women used to be told not to wash their hair when they were menstruating.

Why do you enjoy doom casting?
Yes I am being dismissive of your view, like you I too am entitled.

Pearlman I understand you didn't mean it in a judge way, but I think your use of the phrase is possibly why people reacted to your post and not others that were simply saying moving early worked for them.

Even if you don't mean it that way it''s worth being aware that "rod for your uwn back" is often used as a stick to metaphorically beat mothers with who co-sleep / breastfeed later etc by those who feel uncomfortable about their choices.

The term "rod for your own back" comes from the harridan school of mothering advice.
The same school that tells young women that having sex before marriage and going outside with wet hair will lead to moral demise.

We had ds in our room in a bedside cot with one side down for his first 18m. We had no other option as it was a one bed flat. We found it very useful though as I was breast feeding, co-sleeping meant I maximised my sleep, ds was a colicky baby and difficult to settle so I spent a lot of time in our room with ds, if he had been in another room I would have been more sleep deprived. Ds moved into his own room very easily when we moved house. I went on to co-sleep longer with dd1 and dd2 and they all went into their own rooms, we used various settling techniques but I wouldn't say it was too difficult, or rod like. Very hard to say what it would be like had we not coslept though, which is why anecdotes only help provide examples of options not evidence. Who knows what is best for anyone else I only know what we did!

My family are not particularly judgy but I think on parenting choices people can feel that simply by making a different choice you are judging their parenting, which is completely irrational of course, but can result in questioning that sounds aggressive. Really they are saying" I thought I was right - but you are making different choices so you must think I was wrong - how very dare you!!?" Etc. Very tiresome.

You do what suits you!

pearlman- fine if that phrase sits well for you then go for it.

If some women find it perjorative or judgemental and a phrase that is sometimes used as a "friendly warning" but really a passive aggressive dig at a certain mothering style then fine.

YANBU. Mine is still in our room at 2 - it wasn't the original plan, but it's what ended up working best. Your family are weird if they think your 9-month-old cares even the slightest about having a "proper nursery"!

People do find it odd, though. I have had faces and lots of warnings about how kids in parents' bedrooms will damage the parents' relationship. I am not sure why or how it's supposed to do that but our relationship is going just fine.

I think it is a judgmental phrase.

My HV used it the other day when I told her DS was being rocked to sleep in his buggy for all his naps at the moment because he is teething so badly he will not sleep in his cot for love nor money. So then he is chronically sleep deprived as well as in pain.

She expects me to leave a screaming, in pain child in his cot or else I'm making a rod for my own back.

Made me cry. Hate that phrase.

I'm not. I'm merely pointing out that it's often used in the context of judgmental advice.

I used to get "rod for your own back" comments about carrying my baby in a sling. Drove me crazy - she wouldn't be put down without screaming so what was I supposed to do, ffs? Then read (on here, I think!) someone suggesting reply of "the rod for my back is the only thing holding me upright at the moment, thank you"