To want people to stop asking when I'll have a baby

[Seahawk80]

I suspect there have been many threads like this before but I couldn't find one and I need to vent, so apologies if this is old ground.

DH and I got married a year ago. I am 35 so I get that it's not like we got married young and have forever to have babies but people won't stop asking! We waited a bit over 6 months before trying for various reasons. Without going into detail nothing has happened and it is very likely I have pcos, I'm waiting for a scan and DH is going for tests then they'll decide on treatment. I feel ok about it as I know lots of people who have it and have kids but it's not ideal. Why do people think it's ok to constantly mention it? I normally fob them off saying oh we want a few more holidays first, then they say well don't leave it too late!! Why does it never go through people's heads that maybe there is an issue and that you don't want to burst into tears or start talking about your gynaecological issues over dinner? It's not even just older people, DH's friends wife said that, I really thought she might stop and think as she had a late miscarriage before their first child and they didn't tell many people. It's just such a personal thing and I find it odd that it is so acceptable for people to comment. I've started to avoid seeing people apart from my best mates as I'm so sick of it.

If anyone has any good responses I'd love to hear them. I'm on the verge of saying to the next person who asks "well let's talk about you, you're quite old, when are you going to order your coffin?"

DH actually got me an ebook about this for Christmas (he's not always that thoughtful but Amazon reminded him I like the author). It's called The Fertility Retort - How to respond to unhelpful questions, comments and advice about infertility. (Sorry, can't do links). Cost all of 99p but helped save my sanity over the holidays (we are long-term infertiles in a super-fertile family full of instadiffs). Lots of comebacks in there (including a version of the anal sex one!).

I got asked loads after DC1 was born about whether I'd have a second one. So fucking irritating and tedious especially after 2 miscarriages. I WISH I'd known about that anal response - I'd have been able to deliver that with a completely straight face and hopefully watch the asker squirm with nervous embarrassment.

I got asked when I was having a 2nd one when my first was nearly 2 constantly whilst visiting my parents (even my own mother asking), fantastic when I had just had a very early miscarriage two weeks beforehand. After the 2nd one (also a boy), it was are you going to have a girl from everyone apart from my mother who told me to stop! After the 3rd boy, everyone asked if I was stopping now. Almost wish I had a see through womb.

I hate this question. I got it mainly from people I wasn't even close too. Once I commented something along the line of never knowing what someone is going through.

Most hurtful was my fil who was accidentally insensitive and started asking when we would get around to making him a grandad six months post a missed miscarriage.

Yes why do perfect strangers think it's acceptable to ask this kind of thing?
"when are you having another? "

Well, possibly never. No fertility issues (that I know of), I am just perfectly content with" just" DD.

Some people then try and convince me that it is somehow wrong to just want 1 child. "she'll be bored/selfish/not a good mixer etc. " Fuck off

Nobody is any way interested in your sex life (some posters get all worked up about this) as thankfully we all know that sex does not always equal babies.

I think that people just feel this is possibly the most exciting moments of a persons life so forget to consider that some people have personal reasons to find this topic upsetting.

I personally loved when anyone asked this and happily chatted away about it and speculated with anyone as it was the biggest thing in my life (ever?) to finally be able to try for a baby following my wedding. I may have felt differently if the trying led to no success for some time after the wedding but at that time, I was excited to chat about this topic.

It's something that people should be very careful about asking and should probably only ever make a topic of with people they know VERY well and are confident actually want to talk about it.