To think that being in a wheelchair or being old ARENT the only resons to need to to sit in disabled seats

[hiddenaway34]

DS 13 was travelling back home on the bus, hed just been out with mates in the city, he was feeling fine in the morining but after just two hours stated to feel really unwell he has Ehlers-Danloss and PoTS and due to sudden weather changes and his friends not letting him have enough breaks he had to come home early. It was busy he sat down in one of the disabled seats, he has really bad joints and i have always told him on busses sit down, as the jolts can make him dislocates (It has befor when he was 9). And he can also collapse when moved suddenly. An older woman came on to the bus and sat in the seat across from him now all the seats were full to which the woman said "You now you have to give that seat up when someone who needs it come on." To which he explains why he needs the seat the woman replies "No you dont, your just being lazy." More people get on the bus and stare at him and talk about him. Only Older People were sitting down in the diabled seats (and him) and they expected him to get up just because "hes young and looked fine." AIBU to think that its not just Older people and wheel chair users that have diabilitys (I dont hink it is but thats what someone on the bus told him!) I just wanted to rant sorry. I was distraught for him he left bus crying and has lost the confidence to go out and it took ages to build it up, because he was always so worried about his conditions. I did try to explain is that this is how people view it sometimes but it didnt make him feel any better.

I do wish people would stop going on about 'judgemental' older people. Yes, my husband and children have been judged by older people, but also younger. Yes the older women was the one that behaved like an arse on the bus, but it sounds like everyone on the bus was judging, not just the older people.

The woman that mouthed of at me was middle aged, or is that now an old person?

Thank you, agin for your support, DS has only got his confidence, but, for expample would NEVER have the confidence to ask someone to move from a disabled seat, hed rather get of the bus!! This is why id like to get him a card for this, to add to it like Flouncy's sons he also has Dyspraxia (not a good combo with EDS) so dosent have confidence at all! I would say it is mostly older people who do think it is right to have priority seats, and some might survive a 10 min bus journey standing up imo.

I think this is a very tricky one. I have a hidden (by my clothes!) disability and should probably get a BB, but I really can't face the comments. I did very politely ask a girl at work if she could not keep parking in 'my' spot which allows me to get in and out of the car. I can't get out of the door isn't fully open.

If somebody whinged at me on a bus, I think I'd show them my issue, but I appreciate the OP's child can't do this. A card would probably be a huge help to him and perhaps make him feel more confident about people looking/commenting.

PovertyPain Its a Manchester Airport scheme but being introduced at some other airports now too, I believe. You can either phone in advance and apply for an access pack or take evidence like DLA/ EHCP to the information desk which is by boots in the arrivals area (two floors down in T1 from departures). if you openthe access pdf on this manchester airport link it has phone number and email contact details

please stop saying that 'old people are the worst' - it is over-generalising much and ageist.
I would never sit in the 'disabled' seats as I am perfectly able to get up, reach the bell and get off the bus even though I have a bus pass (and before you ask - I use it about 4 times a year when I am without my car for repairs/MOT)
There are some crabby older/middle-aged people who may well be feeling not very well or have mental problems and do not appreciate how rude they are being to think a young person using the seats is wrong even though the young person really needs the seat.

sorry that should be 'mental health' problems

This makes me so cross. we have had this issue with disabled parking. There is so much ageism associated with disability. I have had to point this out to some elderly people who question my parking in disabled spaces. Being old and a bit doddery doesn't make you disabled. Your just bloody old.

Thank you Flouncy.

The problem with stick with EDS is that you can't always comfortably hold onto the thing. I only use one when its icy and find a pole, rather than a stick a lot more comfortable because of the angle you hold it at. All the same, after a week with snow on the ground, my hands, wrists and shoulders are burning and I can't grip anything properly.

There have been times when I wished I'd taken it out with me, though, simply because of rude people like in the OP. It's rare that I have problems with the exertion of walking, but I sometimes have problems standing still without feeling faint or getting cramp in my legs and I sometimes find I'm not lifting my feet as high as I need to, when I walk, with the result that I end up faceplanting at the most unfortunate times by literally tripping over my own feet. I also struggle to hold myself steady, so need a seat with something to grab on roundabouts etc - I've fallen off my seat a few times when I've not found anything in reach, towards the back of the bus. 90% of the time, I don't look like I have any mobility problems and appear to be quite fit and sprightly. And, as others have said, the problems I have are largely invisible, unless I'm in the process of going arse over tit or dropping stuff everywhere, in which case, people probably assume I'm drunk!

The kids have inherited it from me. It's rare that we use priority seating, but I will often stay downstairs on a double decker, unless it has a straight staircase and we know we'll be finishing off at a bus station. If it's busy, I avoid making eye contact with potential seat usurpers.

Your poor DS, OP. I have a hidden disability and sometimes need a seat on public transport. Luckily I have Resting Bitch Face and a bit of an attitude problem so don't get too much trouble from interfering busybodies.

Something happened to me with my DS who has autism (and family) travelling to the long term car park at Dublin airport the other day.

We were first on the bus and I parked my DS's buggy in the bay for wheelchairs where flip down seats were situated. I sat beside him on the other flip down seat to be close to him as he can easily become distressed and had just been through a difficult 3.5 hrs flight. I have 4 slipped discs, DDD and an old coccyx fracture (which hasn't left me disabled but always in considerable pain) so the low flip down seat was a welcome relief. I noted the sign and decided I would (of course) get up and give up the seat I was on if I saw a wheelchair user or other disabled passenger get on. I didn't throughout the whole 10 minute journey.

A family got on at the next stop, grumpy man, a woman and two kids. I didn't see anyone else come through the doors beside us. He was hissing at his daughter and cracked jokes about messages on his phone (which only he found amusing). He turned away from me and whispered. I then heard him say something about 'not being able to read a sign'.

A number of people got off at the same stop including my family and his. It was then I saw an older woman with a crutch or walking stick going with him towards their car. It verified in my mind that he had been hissing about me in a nasty manner.

If I had seen the woman I would have offered her my seat. If they had asked me to let her sit down I would have had no problem. It was his nasty, judgmental, entitled, passive aggressive (which became just aggressive once off the bus) which pissed me off. I did enter into a short exchange with him saying "That was directed at me? You only had to ask, no need for that passive aggressive shit"(the only curse I used) to which he kept sneering "You need to learn to read." I didn't bother justifying our situation to him. My DS's disability and my own medical history is none of his concern.

I am only building my confidence in bringing my DS with ASD out since his diagnosis. This was obviously the type of crap an invisible disability can incur. I do not choose to sit far away from my other DC's when on buses etc but I had to watch out for my DS. My DH and other DS's were not beside us.

If I couldn't read, then I am sure I would be able to learn to, but I doubt him being able to unlearn being a prize one arsehole.

for your DS.

what I mean by saying imagine if we asked an older person is that for them the disability is still not obvious because old age is not a disability in itself and I would never presume to know why any person of any age would need to sit in priority seating or use a disabled toilet and I expect the same compassion and discretion in return.

Its god to hear others experiences, and to no im not over reacting, i agree its not just the older population and DS as had a lot more stick from those his age and a bit older, but for him when adults say things to him he takes it more to heart

Yanbu, poor boy. Op I think you need to work on him standing up to people and saying something along the lines of 'actually I do need this seat for personal medical reasons'. Or something that just shuts people up. He's so young, I'm sure he must have felt so distraught at being harassed by that stupid woman.

I think there needs to be some sort of ad campaign about hidden disabilities and illnesses because this happens far too often.

yanbu OP
BUT why mention wheelchairs?? a person in a wheelchair will be in the one and only wheelchair space, not sitting in a priority seat.

I really agree with the idea of a campaign about hidden disabilities

What is PoTS???

Post traumatic stress?????

Yanbu, and the fall out is so much worse for your Ds as he'll lose the confidence to travel alone. I don't really have a solution. I've just resolved to think that Public transport can really bring out the monsters in some people.

Yanbu, I work with dc's who have a vast range of disabilities. The looks and comments they get, when we are out and about or on public transport are shocking. Its almost as if adults don't believe that children can have a disability

YANBU, and it happens so often. I've been ill from my mid teens, and got so much bullshit, mainly from older women, for using priority seats. I still do, despite crutches and a roller cane!! Same crap for if I stand up from a wheelchair. People sometimes are so mentally short sighted, they cannot see outside of their own tiny bubble.

Please give your DS a hug from me - I know how horrible it can be as a young person, trying to have some independence despite horrible conditions, to have people stamp on you like this.

YADNBU. People with hidden disabilities get a rough ride and have to explain themselves all the time. They probably get people with visible disabilities giving them the right ride a lot of the time.

*rough ride not right ride