To think that being in a wheelchair or being old ARENT the only resons to need to to sit in disabled seats

[hiddenaway34]

DS 13 was travelling back home on the bus, hed just been out with mates in the city, he was feeling fine in the morining but after just two hours stated to feel really unwell he has Ehlers-Danloss and PoTS and due to sudden weather changes and his friends not letting him have enough breaks he had to come home early. It was busy he sat down in one of the disabled seats, he has really bad joints and i have always told him on busses sit down, as the jolts can make him dislocates (It has befor when he was 9). And he can also collapse when moved suddenly. An older woman came on to the bus and sat in the seat across from him now all the seats were full to which the woman said "You now you have to give that seat up when someone who needs it come on." To which he explains why he needs the seat the woman replies "No you dont, your just being lazy." More people get on the bus and stare at him and talk about him. Only Older People were sitting down in the diabled seats (and him) and they expected him to get up just because "hes young and looked fine." AIBU to think that its not just Older people and wheel chair users that have diabilitys (I dont hink it is but thats what someone on the bus told him!) I just wanted to rant sorry. I was distraught for him he left bus crying and has lost the confidence to go out and it took ages to build it up, because he was always so worried about his conditions. I did try to explain is that this is how people view it sometimes but it didnt make him feel any better.

I haven't read every response so apologies for repetition. If he is happy to wear one, a neck or wrist tag as epileptics etc wear might help. Otherwise i would type out and lamnate a smallcard saying The carrier of this card has a condtion known as .... and on occasion it is essential he sits down...or words to that effect. Then if he needs to sit in the front bus seats, he can show itand then ignore any fuss.

Yes I'm sure people thought I was talking stairs as I was lazy (I'm not slim) I've had life changing surgery to reconstruct my airway and can now breathe ( I had tracheal stenosis or blocked airway so difficulty breathing at my worse my airway was over 90% closed) I am well now but 10 years of living with a hidden disability makes me very aware not to judge. Another one was disabled loos when I had a Trachy in I needed sink and privacy to pull out tube and clean it when out sometimes. I wore a nice scarf over it so nothing visible.

He shouldn't have to justify it though, should he?

If he explained to the woman & she didn't believe him then she's just not worth any more thought, is she?

If he had some sort of card there might be those nasty enough to think that he had made it himself somehow.

This boils my piss...my sisters ds whos 5 has rare heart condition and she's his full time carer ..to look at him you would never guess he's such a lovely bubbly child but he gets so tired easily and also has problems with his coordination which gets worse when he's tired ..it's not something you'd notice at a glance ..she has a blue badge and has had people come up to her and question why she has it and it's pretty upsetting
People can be downright rude!

A disability is not always visable.

I was walking dogs last week, with two of my adult children, and had just got back to the car, when a woman pulled in, blocking me. I asked her was she intending on parking there, as I needed out. She said she was collecting her mother who was waiting in a wheelchair, so I told her I would wait or she could park in the spot as I was leaving. Either suited.

As she walked past, she sarcastically said "actually, that's a disabled spot!" I pointed out to her that she couldn't miss the blue badge and since she has one in her car she should know better! I also pointed out that my kids have been disabled from birth and my husband used to get shit like that thrown at him, right up to the week before he went into hospice to die! Fucking arsehole then made comments about the fact that my kids could walk whereas her mum couldn't, not taking into consideration that SHE could and she had pushed her mum in a wheelchair towards the car and was only picking her up. I had to bite my tongue. Ignorance amongst those who have no experience do those with disabilities is bad enough, but ignorance amongst those that do, is even worse.

And breath.

Hannah Ensor from Stiickman Communications makes cards like that - she has EDS too. There are loads available.

I don't even know what the rules are with the definition of disability but I have used them regularly for years.

I'm registered blind but it's not blatantly obvious.

I will get up if I have to but moving space can be really worrying and means assistance might not be able to find me. I don't mind if it's a close seat though.

I never tell someone they have to move - that's not my job. Conduct

TBH I don't think it would make a difference if he had a stick or not.

I used to work in a home for children with (obvious) severe learning and physical disabilities. They'd still get told to move because they weren't for "youngsters".

I think some older people regard being given a seat as a mark of respect that they are entitled to.

I don't think it makes any difference to them whether your son has his own health needs or not.

Oops pressed send too soon conductor has moved people so I had a seat (on their own valorising, not me asking).

I've had comments but ignored.

Your poor DS.

Ds uses a SN buggy, when he is in that it is hard not to realise he is disabled. We have still had looks and comments from ignorant people though.

Some people can't think of anything but themselves sadly.

My experience is more on trains.

Drivers on buses have been very rude to me.

for you and your DS.

Being in the right doesn't make comments like this any more hurtful.

I think PP's have some good suggestions about cards plus headphones etc. Maybe even showing a card to the driver and saying he needs to priority space as he gets on - then if there is any aggro he can just say "I don't need to discuss my medical history with you. The driver is aware of my need for this seat, please speak to them if you have an issue."

However it's actually very sad it's necessary. I think you need to make sure your son understands that sadly he will come across the odd rude an insensitive person and that their actions reflect poorly on them and not him.

As middle aged woman I've finally reached the age where I feel confident in shooting down people who assume I can manoeuvre around a bus easily or stand for a journey any easier than an older person. I literally only vacate my seat for people in wheelchairs or on sticks (my mobility is thankfully not stick dependent yet).

Just reassure your son that he's perfectly right in what he did and not to let other people's rudeness upset him.

Needsascarf I was actually stunned the first time it happened to my sister..I couldn't believe anyone would have the actual gall to ask what was wrong with her and practically sneered when she explained that it was her little boy who the badge was for ..id have told her to fuck off and mind her own business
It's not like they hand them out like stickers at the dentist ..i always just assumed if you have one its for a bloody good reason

Poor love, i feel for him. Hope he manages to feel up to going out again soon. So sorry he had to go through that

The thing is that old people don't really bother to view a problem from all angles and just assume stuff. They can't be bothered otherwise ...

I think I might print this off and carry a few with me. When people start, I'll say "sorry! can I just stop you there, this will save us wasting breath".

I feel your pain. DS1 is autistic and dyspraxic. He can't stand on transport without falling into people/ things. If confronted he freezes and gets upset then cant physically or mentally function. At a glance he looks normal. Observe for a few moments or interact though and his individuality radiates.

He doesnt use public transport but we've been challenged by a great big agressive bloke at cbeebies land (because NT 11year olds really choose to stand excitedly arm flapping at the disabled access gates for the in the night garden ride just to save a twenty minute queue).

Result we ended up going home early and DH had to go get the car with the younger two because DS couldn't cope with the monorail back to the carpark, we've not been back a year on, but I will face that battle. Ignorant bloke half appologised when DS crumbled and said well he doesn't look that disabled. Too late damage done.

On the other hand we've met some lovely people and had some amazing experiences because we've explained our needs. Its taken me time to build confidence to do this, so really tough for a teen.

For us things like at Manchester airport where you can get a wrist band to fast track security if you struggle with the crowds/ noise/ queues. At Manchester runway park we did a concorde tour and the pilot took extra time with DS and let him touch the controls, that'll be a precious memory for life for him.

I really like the idea of the access card and will loomfurther into it but its not widely used in the North West where I am yet. Its desperately needed though. Maybe we could see if MNHQ would do some sort of promotional link type thing as so many mumsnetters experience this sort of issue?

The thing is that old people don't really bother to view a problem from all angles and just assume stuff. They can't be bothered otherwise

You really don't see the irony in that statement, do you?

YANBU. i have been known to cry over comments made regarding me sitting in these seats, even when they've seen me have to be LIFTED on to the bus because I couldn't raise my feet.

It brings out a hideous selfishness in people - many disabilities are not visible. I have three that are not obvious. I always tell people to ask the driver to speak to me and that I'll be happy to put in a complaint to the company about discrimination.

Can you imagine if we asked an older person to prove their disability?

Flouncy how dud you get the wrist band? I'm taking my youngest on a plane for the first time and am worried, that if she has to stand in a line for too long she may faint or have a fit. She had one for the first a few weeks back and I don't want to risk a repeat. Should I take her dla benefits paperwork with me?

I wouldn't even answer someone who asked me why I had a blue badge.

Ignore ignore ignore. Act as if they are not there. And if they say you are rude for not replying, continue to ignore.

That said I had my own moment of wondering "why on earth does she have a blue badge" today! Someone who I know teaches full-time, is a keen cyclist - but has a blue badge and said she can't walk 5 minutes from a town centre car park to the cinema.