To find each phase of babyhood more exhausting than the last, and ask you when it gets fun?

[LimeLeaves]

He's 11months. Can't walk unaided yet but crawls and cruises. No words just shouts/screams/babbles.

I love him so much, but I dread spending time alone with him. It's exhausting and I end up crying. He gets bored quickly, even in the buggy or at softplay then has tantrums.

He usually wakes 3-4 times a night (night terrors?) I'm exhausted. Everything is a battle; changing his nappy, bathing him, trying to put clothes on him, brushing his teeth, getting him to go to sleep, feeding him (he throws it everywhere, more mess to clean). DH works long hours so is home after bedtime.

I work part time which helps. I sometimes send him to nursery for an extra day so I can have a break but can't afford to do this more than once a month. Also I feel guilty and DH thinks he needs 'mummy time' so is against it.

I always thought I'd be a natural mother and be great at this but I'm not If I could afford full time nursery/nanny I would.
I had such high hopes and I cry thinking about how I'm failing. I used to be an au-pair to older kids (7-12year olds) and loved it.

Will things get easier when he can walk and talk?
What can I do to make this current phase less awful?
I'm constantly getting colds/viruses/infections, I'm too tired to eat and our marriage is under strain as I'm so snappy.

Mine is 13m. I have really started enjoying him since he learned to point and do actions to songs and singing away to himself in the car (always the same song he has made up - I call it the car song). He is starting to try to speak. Can say dog/cat/daisy/tiger raaar. I have noticed such a change in him in the last 6 weeks and I'm loving it. He took his first steps yesterday (and I missed them as at work).
Up until this point I know exactly what you mean though. I'm sure as he develops new skills your feelings will change x

TBH I found DS a slog until he hit one. When their personality comes out its a revelation. Then you have a golden period until they start whining

Actually even with the whining it's still fine. The stuff DS comes out with just cracks me up. You wonder why you ever struggled.

when they leave home

I have teens, toddlers and a baby

I a, really stuggling to get much done with the baby she is into everything

Toddler mostly wines about everything

And my teen well he's away this week and lest just say it's been bliss

I love my children I would say it's about 50/50 with good times and bad
I feel like I am on auto pilot and find the lack of sleep combined with the worry for my teen when he's out late is a bit much

You're sleep deprived! You can't be held responsible for any "negative" feelings you may have until you get a decent night of sleep. Admittedly this may not happen for a while, but really don't be hard on yourself as you're not really your self at all right now.

It will get better! It really will. At this age what really helped us was teaching my son some very basic sign language. Just "milk" and "more" was enough to take care of his basic needs and cut down on so much frustration and drama. I wouldn't bother with all the extra words some people go for but those should give you and your son a sense of control.

Walking without needing me to break my back bending over was the next great stage. Oh what a relief that was! About 15 months and I could sit at the park and let him wander (within reason of course), and then at about 2 years something clicks and they're walking, talking, joking, cuddling... Sleeping!!!!! You haven't got long to go, though it may seem like it. Hang in there and before you know it you will really actually be forgetting how hard this stage was.

I loved 2. Walking. Talking. Not so strong that they can fight you. Not capable of using really rude words to answer back.,

//stares at ds, 4

//stares at ds, 4 months, and gulps at what's ahead.

I think kendusk is spot on, even down to parking kids in the corner of a DR's whilst having a smear!
I have a DD1 aged 2.9 and a Dd2 aged 17 months and I found both of them so frustrating aged 10 months - 22 months. I put them both in nursery for a break and my DH spoke to his boss about being back for shithead o clock bedtime. No way I'm getting lumbered with all the drudge. Now DD1 is older, she is so much easier.

I found that stage tough. My sleep was still heavily distrurbed, and I was wiped out from draining pregnancy+ tough births+ about a year of round the clock feeds and supervising.

Communication seems to be a big influence. DS1 started the tantrums at 10m when he learned that "no" meant that he couldn't have his own way. He was bright, but not very expressive and his frustration burst out in regular tantrums. DS2 has been a much quicker talker and hasn't really got awkward until 3, but he's got a better sense of reason so he's easier than his brother was.

DS1 was a later walker (16m) but crawled like a rocket, cruised and climbed proficiently, so nothing was baby proof, but being out in public places was awkward. It was also winter, so he ended up crawling around places like playgrounds in waterproofs and snowsuits.

It does get better when sleep settles, they become more expressive and their personalities come through. DS1 is now 5 and was well worth keeping

I found working part time helped for my space and sanity. Because I teach, I use some childcare in the holidays to give me space. I don't feel guilty about it because it gives me chance to recharge quietly and renew my enthusiasm for them. They need a lot of stimulation, and their nursery/ holiday club are good for that. I always found getting out of the house helped too, an activity/ walk/ whatever.

Thanks everyone Good to know I'm not alone.

DH spends lots of time with him at weekends, and is happy to take him out so I can have a break. But I end up cleaning/doing laundry/meal prep as it's the only time I can get this done. It's so hard to do anything when DS is around. Eg when I try to load the dishwasher he pulls things out of it, chases mop/broom, takes things out of drawers or starts climbing up the TV or some other dangerous thing so it's all stop-start and me saying 'no' constantly. Then he screams for attention but if I pick him up he arches away, and if I play with him he loses interest quickly. It ends up with me just following him around counting down the hours until bedtime.

DH earns far more than me and pays rent, all bills etc, my salary only just covers nursery. He can't take time off or leave earlier. He thinks I moan all the time and am ungrateful. I'm not ungrateful, I'm just exhausted. I deal with all night wakings and do all the early starts. I don't think he realises what it's like to be up 4x in the night then start the day at 5am over and over without knowing when it will improve. I try to stay upbeat I'm just so tired

No local family to help.

Good to know it will get better!

kendus your post is perfect.

OP, I felt exactly like you. Exactly.

At 14 months, I left PFB at the table alone to eat a meal, and she managed it. I remember it because it was so momentous. This will help HUGELY. The constant mess from mealtimes really got me down. Don't underestimate it! It's awful!

I'd say after a year things got much easier, 18 months in you'll be enjoying your toddler SO much more. Hang in there.

And your husband is a huge part of the problem. He needs to snap out of it NOW.

Just read your update. Keep your chin up OP, it's really hard. I remember so well the difficulty of getting anything done.

1. Go away for a weekend. Don't prep anything for your husband to make things easier for him. Leave him a list of everyday things that need to be done (dinner, laundry etc).

It's imperative that your partner understands what you are dealing with. Please don't disregard this advice. It's not a punishment for him - it's a way to save your relationship a lot of strain.

1. Embrace tv when you feel yourself reaching the edge. I resisted this for so long and did some things I'm ashamed of as a result (picking up PFB and plonking roughly in bedroom) because I had reached my limit.

Try to recognise the signs of when you are reaching yours.

'Mummy time'?! What a load of crock. He needs a happy mummy when he's with her more than having extra mummy time!!

This is a really hard age. They're adorable but such bloody hard work!!.,

1. Nappy changes - once they can stand, if nappy changes are still a battle, consider pull-ups. Not the training kind (they aren't very absorbent) but just a regular pull-up. I always thought they were for older toddlers and I'd get in trouble from some unknown authority figure for using them on a one-year-old. Turns out it was fine! Mine did outgrow the battling nappy changes phase and I went back to regular but the pull-ups were great while it lasted (I used Bambo)

I've just text dh to tell him I'm fucking exhausted (first week of school holidays) with zero support (no family in the UK) l never get a proper break. I have a 5 year old and 10 month old. It does get better, maybe at 2 l think l started to find it easy. Just another 14 months to go 😢

And ken's post is bang on

1. Start communicating with the kid. If he doesn't already, he will soon start to understand what you are saying. It can be easy to assume they're not listening because they don't look at us when we speak, as an adult would. So start talking to him, warning him when you're going to change environment, or pick him up, or change his nappy.

1. Let him do what he wants. Within reason, obviously, but don't just randomly take things off him, tell him no "because he has to get used to it" etc. I think we all have this residual "kids have to obey" mindset left over from the Victorian era but it just makes kids frustrated to be arbitrarily frustrated all the time.

Get yourself a playpen. Only use it for short spells, but you don't want a child climbing up the TV whilst you are doing stuff, or being in danger in the kitchen!

I reckon life becomes SO much easier once they sleep. You can cope with a lot more once you are getting sleep.
Also gets easier once they can talk.

The best time is when they are teenagers

OP, I felt exactly the same as you. Like other posters, I've found it better every day since about 12 months and now he's 21 months we're having a lot of fun. The walking and talking make a world of difference if you have a frustrated baby: my ds hated being a baby but is learning to talk at a tremendous rate and is full of fun and nonsense now he can walk and dance and run and climb and eat meals without help and do soft play and and and and and and... It's all going to get better but you're at a really hard bit. 9-12 months was horrendous here with separation anxiety, teething and general misery. You'll make it out of the other side.

Massively agree kendus!
We're moving house with 3 under 6s and no body has offered to help. Oh for 'community' or our parents to be thoughtful. But hey.

I always get jobs near shopping centres so I can enjoy shopping at lunchtime! Carve out stuff in your life for yourself only way to get thru it.

Agree with many others - your child is at what was a particularly tough age with mine. Walking helped, talking helped even more. I was also gutted to find I wasn't the "natural mother" I'd imagined I'd be.

I knew we had come out the other side at about eighteen months. Since then, it's got progressively better and better (he's now 4.5). Definitely loads of new challenges, but more chance to rest between them somehow. Mine was slow to sleep through (at age 2.5 - having woken literally hourly until a few months before then) so sleep definitely helped but things were looking up even before we got there.

I found the anxiety of constant vigilance especially trying, and you really don't have to do that permanently forever. You do at 11mths. But at some point, my clingy toddler started wandering off to amuse himself alone without whining for me or putting himself in any danger, and it's been a total sanity-saver. Just keep going - and take whatever time for yourself you can.

I have a 2.8 year old and a 13 month old. The 2.8 year old is soooo much easier. I find every stage easier than the last, but 8-15 months ish is a toughie. The key turning point for me is when they learn to talk! And sleep (DD1 only started sleeping through at 2.5, DD2 still wakes 3 times a night).

I've just put mine in nursery for a week to give me a rest, this is in stead of an Achual holiday because it's not really a holiday unless you get a break is it ?
I work full time despite it not really being financially worth but find all day with dd is too much for me

It's more fun with improved sleep ( did just sleeping through at 3.5) and support xxx

OP I feel your pain and was actually talking to a friend earlier about how hard it is. My dd is 13 months too and I am exhausted all the time! She's not walking yet but crawls very fast and seems to gravitate to all the parts of the house she shouldn't! She wakes for a bottle or her dummy at night and wakes up for the day between 5 and 6am without fail. She is on the go literally all day. It's fantastic seeing her energy and her beautiful personality opening up a bit more each day but gosh I'd love five minutes to close my eyes or read a book. Not read a book for a year!

It's fun from when they are independently going to the loo, feeding themselves and when you can just get in the car and go.

The stage you're at is totally knackering.

As soon as you can start to foster independence e.g.

Get plastic bowls, plates, cereals, bread and spreads in low cupboards so they can get their own breakfast.

Show them how to open packets but let them do it. (Why don't people do that?)

Steps so they can reach stuff like the tap.

Teach them to wipe their bums properly.

Teach them how to wipe up spills properly.

I struggled at your stage too, and that was with a sleeping baby. When she started walking at 13 months the frustration started to lift and she was increasingly verbal every day. Hang in there.

You should nt have to deal with ALL the night feedings unless you're BFing. That's a crock, you can't have every night disturbed, it's the sleeplessness that'll do for you. I reached breaking point and DH took over the night wakings for a while, it didn't matter that he was at work and I was at home, we both had to be awake all day so took it in turns. And yes, go off for a weekend. He will soon change his tune once he realises how bloody monotonous it is with a child that age.