Actually don't know who is BU - drinking and driving with kids in car

[NoCapes]

I genuinely can't decide who is being unreasonable on this one

DP won't drink a thing if he's driving the kids after, not even a shandy with a meal
I no longer do because I know it bothers him and I'm just not that bothered about having one if it means him being upset

However my stepdad regularly drinks and drives our children around when they're with my parents, he doesn't get drunk or anything like that, and is always under the limit, but it has always really bothered DP

It recently came to a head with DP flat out refusing to let our DC in his car and I had to follow my parents home with the kids

I just can't decide
Surely the legal limit is there for a reason? Or is DP in the right and we're all being slightly too relaxed on this one?
Who IBU?

Bit of a personal rant related to my in-laws - NOT aimed at the OP - but I do hate this concept of 'don't drink and drive with my kids in the car'.

So it's alright to take the chance of killing someone else's kids, just not your own then? Surely if you're going to kill anyway, you might as well make it your own, as at least then there's one parent who can't complain about it?

Yes witney that was my point too.

Yes, I made a similar point about it not depending on whether you have children in the car - mixed up among a lot of other points.

I don't know anyone who has one and drives (England). In fact Ds friends parents have raised this with us before. The whole group of us agree that if we are taking the kids anywhere, we don't have a drink.

We wouldn't anyway, but one set of parents accepted that some people may just have one, so raised it. I am glad they did as it was my assumption that people simply wouldn't do it. Which I now think was naive.

Your Step Dad is drink driving, just because he is under the limit doesn't mean he isn't doing so.

About 5 years ago my BIL was in an accident thankfully only BIL was hurt it could have been much worse. His blood was tested and he was under the then limit of 80. However his insurance company refuse to pay out as he was drink driving. It invalidated his insurance.

God forbid anything was to happen when you're Step Dad was driving he would have no insurance or cover.

Same here. I don't drink at lunch and drive at dinner. I think then you're into that 'calculating how long' thing and it's just easier not to drink anything. Plus, if I have a drink I tend to feel drowsy later. No point

MNet amazes me again - I am never sure if I am the wrong generation, my DC are too old or what but so often I find the opinions and methods of parenting etc on here so different to my life, my family and my friends.

I am not yet 50 so not ancient, but can honestly say that it is the social norm here to have 1 small drink and drive, DC or not. We don't always have a drink with the meals (we are not alcoholics) but if we fancy it we will.

Sorry but agree with your DH.

I agree with what a previous poster said about the fact that most people outside of the mumsnet 'bubble' would have 1 or 2 and drive ( within reason)

I am close friends with a handful of people. I'm friends with a few dozen people and acquaintances might run into the low hundreds. Of those, I don't know many of them well enough to know if they drink-drive/ use a loo brush to clean their loo/ how often they shower/wash their towels/change their sheets/ what the bloody hell they put in their dishwasher. Although I'm in my 40s and try to move in mixed circles, the reality is that the people I know really well are drawn from a small group. Mumsnet in contrast has hundreds of thousands of regular users. So why would I assume that MN is a bubble whereas somehow my experience is wide and valid?

I find it depressing that some people, given the choice between the opinions of their own narrow acquaintance and the relative melting pot of MN choose to assume that it's their own direct experience that is real whereas the rest is some sort of "bubble". Does it not occur to people that perhaps actually, when people on MN say they don't drink and drive, that they mean it and don't do it? What's wrong with opening your mind a bit and questioning your beliefs?

My dm used to be surprised I wouldn't even have a small white wine spritzer with a meal out if I'm driving but I just cannot see the point in taking any risk. When it comes to my dc I'm the same. Alcohol impairs judgment so why risk it? Who needs alcohol that much other than alcoholics?

Gabilan I think your post should be a sticky on all AIBU threads!

Formalhault really? going off topic here obviously op is BU but this whole alcohol in OJ is slightly blowing my mind, Is it from fermentation? Wouldn't that make it taste off? Could you possibly eat/drink enough for it to show in a breath test? What about people who are allergic to alcohol? Can religions that prohibit alcohol drink orange juice??? It's like poppy seed bagels all over again You learn summat new every day...

I won't even have one if I'm driving, I don't understand how a grown person can't do without a drink for one night while they're driving!

The limit should be zero tolerance IMO.

Thanks Iggi. I just get a bit when people think that one person's post on the internet is somehow less valid than their own and that because it's different, it must be dismissed.

Anything with any ability to ferment can have traces of alcohol in. So ripe fruit can have traces and fresh OJ can be up to 0.5%

Could you detect it with a blood test/breathalyser? Probably yes. If you use mouthwash them immediately blow a test you'll fail it. But because it's a trace your body deals with it pretty fast. Drinking 0.5% anything means you'd need a lot of it to ingest a unit. By the time you'd drink that much (about ten bottles of alcohol free beer) you'd have metabolised it anyway. So nothing to worry about but a fun fact anyway
I deal with blood alcohol tests sometimes in the labs at work and they don't have zero as negative - it's a tiny tiny amount but not zero, for those exact reasons.

The limit shouldnt be zero. Various things have tiny amounts in. It should be close to zero, to account for things like that. Scotland has it about right in my opinion

my darling family were wiped out by a person who had a couple of drinks and drove too fast.
Im ok if my OH has a drink and drives though, so can see both sides
Personally I'd respect your OH wishes on this

Still not sure where I stand on this one tbh

Although I totally agree that I don't really have the right to make him go ahead with something that makes him uncomfortable, they're his DC too

So yeah time to have quite an uncomfortable chat with my parents me thinks

Nofunking sorry for your loss, and kudos to you for such a measured response on what must be quite an emotive thread for you

YABU I wouldn't let someone drive my children after drinking, I don't care about the amount. It relaxes you, dulls your reflexes and impairs judgement. I also find it unreasonable for people to drive after drinking even without children in the car. I myself have had one drink and felt tipsy, or done something silly, but in the same way have had glass after glass and felt OK - the point is that the 'amount' of drink is not necessarily relevant. The legality of it is irrelevant to me, remember that smoking in the car with children in the back was perfectly legal until very recently. I think if your stepdad can't resist having a drink, even whilst attempting to stay under the limit, then it's him who has the problem, not your DH. And btw my husband would go nuts if I let someone drive my kids after drinking!

Thanks noCapes
Xxx

My DC aren't allowed in a car if the driver has any amount of alcohol even I don't feel comfortable in a car when someone has been drinking. I have been in 3 car crashes (minor injuries) where other drivers have been drinking /or fallen asleep at the wheel and I don't care if it makes me sound all PFB my job is to protect my DC