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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Actually don't know who is BU - drinking and driving with kids in car

97 replies

NoCapes · 28/07/2016 19:48

I genuinely can't decide who is being unreasonable on this one

DP won't drink a thing if he's driving the kids after, not even a shandy with a meal
I no longer do because I know it bothers him and I'm just not that bothered about having one if it means him being upset

However my stepdad regularly drinks and drives our children around when they're with my parents, he doesn't get drunk or anything like that, and is always under the limit, but it has always really bothered DP

It recently came to a head with DP flat out refusing to let our DC in his car and I had to follow my parents home with the kids

I just can't decide
Surely the legal limit is there for a reason? Or is DP in the right and we're all being slightly too relaxed on this one?
Who IBU?

OP posts:

CigarsofthePharoahs · 28/07/2016 20:34

To be honest op, I agree with your DP.
I can drink one small glass of wine and be under the legal limit but I can feel the effects from one glass so I know that I might be less safe to drive. DH used to trust himself with one drink as he didn't feel any effects from just the one, but he doesn't at all now we've had children.
I think if the legal limit was changed so that even one drink took you over the line then it would stop the "one for the road" debate.
I've also refused to drive when I know I'm too tired or too ill to be safe.

TheFairyCaravan · 28/07/2016 20:35

My dad was a fireman. He's never touched a drop when he's been driving. That attitude has passed on to me and my brother. My sister will drink, under the limit, and drive but never with my kids in the car.

My children can drive now, DS1's job depends on his licence so he doesn't touch a drop and nor does DS2. There is no safe limit imo. What's right for one isn't right for another. It depends on what you've eaten, how tired you are etc.

I think it's about time the limit was zero, tbh.

Pardonwhat · 28/07/2016 20:36

I happily drive after a drink. Just obviously within guidelines. Most people outside of the perfect mumsnet bubble probably do as well. Nearly everyone that I know would

dementedpixie · 28/07/2016 20:39

A drink in Scotland would put you over the limit. I have never driven after drinking

plominoagain · 28/07/2016 20:40

I don't drink anything and then drive , not ever . Partly because I have a real problem with drink drivers anyway - having been run over by one aged 13 , with my best friend killed , and if nothing else , because I know that whilst one normal drink wouldn't make me over the limit , it would make me personally unfit to drive , which is actually usually considered a graver offence if arrested .

dementedpixie · 28/07/2016 20:41

They're a bit stupid and thoughtless too then!

UnikittyInHerBusinessSuit · 28/07/2016 20:41

You can't have ever have a zero legal limit because for example a glass of orange juice contains a small but measurable amount of alcohol, as do many medicines, and yes people who had two glasses of wine the previous night but show no detectable impairment would also have detectable levels of blood alcohol.

I personally would be happy for my DF, (who regularly drives after a single unit of alcohol but has never ever had a crash) to drive my DC after a glass of wine. But if your DH isn't comfortable with that level of risk then they're his DC, and he's completely within his rights to veto a risk he's not comfortable with.

99percentchocolate · 28/07/2016 20:41

Absolutely agree with your DP. Alcohol also affects different people in different ways. The other day I had one glass of wine so was well under the limit. Doesn't mean I wasn't pissed as a fart and ordering crap on the Internet though.

irregularegular · 28/07/2016 20:46

I think that most people can drink a small amount under normal circumstances without it making a significant difference to safety. For some people that may be fairly close to the legal limit. For others it will be well under. It will vary from day to day. It's a matter of being sensible and self-aware. It seems unnecessary to stick to an absolute zero tolerance. I imagine many of us are regularly just as, if not more, impaired by being tired when driving than by half a shandy. Again we need to monitor ourselves and avoid driving if it isn't safe. But only driving when we are 100% and not when we are 99% isn't really realistic. And I think the driving with children is a bit of a red herring given the damage you could do to everyone else on the road (other people's children included)

Gabilan · 28/07/2016 20:49

I've just had one small glass of wine. I'm not sure if I should be on the internet, let alone driving. Personally I don't drink alcohol at all if I'm driving - tbough I know people who do. It's not about kids in the car - it's about every road user out there. If anything ever happens to anyone, at the very least I want to know I was sober.

ijustwannadance · 28/07/2016 20:51

Why can't your stepdad not drink if minding your DC's?

I'm with your DH on this. The "legal limit" might sound ok but it very much depends on how quickly a person's body processes the alcohol and the effect it has is not always predictable. Body weight, metabolism etc will all make a difference.

A woman could say a glass of wine at home is the legal limit, but that glass will unlikely be a measured 125ml.

To me the limit is bollocks and I don't think and alcohol before driving is ok at all.

BastardDailyMail · 28/07/2016 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

goddessoftheharvest · 28/07/2016 20:53

Yabu.

I never get why people are so fixed on having a drink even though they know they have to drive. If I'm drinking, I want to relax and have a couple and get pissed I don't want to rush a shandy because I feel I have to. I think people feel hard done by if they can't have alcohol

I can hold my drink bloody well, but there have been times where I have been really affected by only a small glass of wine. Once when it turned out I was incubating norovirus for example, another time I was on different birth control etc.. So you can never be sure

Paulat2112 · 28/07/2016 20:55

YABU

Wibblewobble100 · 28/07/2016 21:00

Personally if I'm fine to drive, then I'm fine to drive... It makes no difference if I have my children in the car or not. I used to happily drive a hour or two after a small glass of wine with dinner, but I'm in Scotland so don't risk it any more. It really pisses me off though that the option to have one drink has been taken away from me. I have to drive 45 mins home from a night shift on a regular basis and it scares the shit out of me... I am far more unsafe than if I'd had one glass of wine with a meal 2 hours previously, but I have no choice so I wind the window down and put the music up loud. I do not drive my son post nights. So I think your DH IBU.

ijustwannadance · 28/07/2016 21:01

The problem with being "sensible and self aware" about having a drink before driving is that those are 2 things that alcohol makes you less likely to be!

irregularegular · 28/07/2016 21:15

The problem with being "sensible and self aware" about having a drink before driving is that those are 2 things that alcohol makes you less likely to be!

I would reach the point at which I was not entirely safe to drive before I would reach the point at which I was not sensible and self aware enough to make a decision.

In other words, by the time a reached the point that I was not sensible enough to make a decision, I would definitely have had too many and would know it by the pure number.

I guess if you think you might become stupid enough to drive when you are not capable, then you are someone who should commit in advance by not drinking at all, but I honestly don't think that is true for me.

I would never have more than 1 small, slow drink. I would then be making a decision about how I felt which would depend on how much I had eaten, how tired I was, timing. If I'd had more than that then there would be no decision to make. And I wouldn't be "not sensible" until 4 or more.

Ameliablue · 28/07/2016 21:27

I think the problem is that people feel perfectly OK after one drink so assume they are fine to drive and probably nothing happens in the majority of journeys that might test this. However even after one drink reaction rate can be affected but you'd only notice if a situation arose that required quick reactions.
I've never had a drink if I know I'm going to drive but with the lower limits in Scotland, it does make you more aware and also think about how much you drink in an evening if you have to drive next morning.

goddessoftheharvest · 28/07/2016 21:41

^ what ameliablue said

I don't know what age you are op, but I'm a bit younger than the mn average, and I grew up with those really, really awful "don't drink and drive" adverts. The area I live was quite notorious for them, they were really gruesome and gave me nightmares. I don't know if it's a result of that, but i do notice a difference in people my age and younger's attitude to even having one drink and driving. In my clubbing days, the designated driver was always on Fanta and nothing else, and most people I know would rather pay £40 for a taxi home if they found out their DD had drink on them.

Whereas the older generation still seem quite complacent about having a few and driving home, they know the roads well, etc etc

That's just my experience though, could be different elsewhere

OoohNewShoes · 28/07/2016 21:48

NI by any chance goddessoftheharvest?

i had an American friend over who was horrified when she saw one...

goddessoftheharvest · 28/07/2016 21:50

Haha yes.

I honestly think they contributed to my anxiety over driving

I kept thinking I had seen the worst, then they showed the one four or five years back, with the whole classroom of children

Along with the "cats in the cradle" advert, I'm surprised we aren't all on valium

milkysmum · 28/07/2016 21:57

I agree with what a previous poster said about the fact that most people outside of the mumsnet 'bubble' would have 1 or 2 and drive ( within reason)
I don't know anyone who would refuse to let their school get in the car of a person who had a shandy/ half/ pint.
For the record I am a nurse, not somebody uneducated incase anyone is thinking otherwise, and have a wide Circe of friends who have similar thinking.

OoohNewShoes · 28/07/2016 22:16

The one with the two kids at the wall is the one that stayed with me. I can see it in my mind if I think about it. They definitely work!

Fomalhaut · 28/07/2016 22:17

I don't know anyone who would refuse to let their school get in the car of a person who had a shandy/ half/ pint.

Hands up, I'm one.

If you're going to drive, don't drink. If you (not you personally, the generic you) can't manage not to have a drink then perhaps that's something to look at.
I used to scuba dive. Saw a really interesting experiment done where people were asked at what depth they feel impaired (when you dive, and breathe air, the increased partial pressure of nitrogen has a narcotic effect.) they all said about 30m
The researchers took them down to about ten, a depth they all swore blind they were fine at, and gave them simple sums to do. They were all impaired. All of them. We replicated the experiment and found the same thing.
Something similar happens with alcohol - people swear blind they're fine to drive, but if you test them, they show significant drops in reaction time and control.

The limit shouldn't be zero - as pps say there are innocent things that can give you a non zero reading. But it does need to be lower than a couple of pints. Scotland has it about right.

RiverTam · 28/07/2016 22:22

Yet again a Mner hands their critical thinking over to the government. Wtf is it with that, can people really not make judgments outside of whether something is legal or not?

I don't drink and drive. I am not happy with anyone else drinking and driving DD. Can't remember the last time this might have been an issue though.

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