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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Actually don't know who is BU - drinking and driving with kids in car

97 replies

NoCapes · 28/07/2016 19:48

I genuinely can't decide who is being unreasonable on this one

DP won't drink a thing if he's driving the kids after, not even a shandy with a meal
I no longer do because I know it bothers him and I'm just not that bothered about having one if it means him being upset

However my stepdad regularly drinks and drives our children around when they're with my parents, he doesn't get drunk or anything like that, and is always under the limit, but it has always really bothered DP

It recently came to a head with DP flat out refusing to let our DC in his car and I had to follow my parents home with the kids

I just can't decide
Surely the legal limit is there for a reason? Or is DP in the right and we're all being slightly too relaxed on this one?
Who IBU?

OP posts:

Iggi999 · 28/07/2016 22:27

What is it about your dcs that your stepdad feels driven to drink whenever he sees them? Is this afternoon drinking or taking you home after a visit?

AtAt · 28/07/2016 22:42

It's a limit, not a target. I don't see the point of just having one drink for the sake of it. Just my personal view.

nannylife · 28/07/2016 22:46

I'm going to go against the grain here. I do not drink and drive however my dad does. And I'm fine with it. The limit is there for a reason and is over compensated to take into consideration the fact that people handle alcohol differently. 1 drink will not harm most people, or affect their way of thinking. If you are one of those people who gets drunk from one drink, then obviously don't drive. But I think most people would be fine with 1. If they weren't, then there would not be that high a limit. And I'd also be interested to see a link about the limit being there for the next day? I had always taken it to be just that, a limit. Whether that limit is reached through a drink with lunch or the following day after a few drinks the night before.

Cakescakescakes · 28/07/2016 22:52

But isn't it the point that any alcohol at all starts to slow your reaction times etc. You are under the limit and able to drive competently but in an emergency your reaction times and awareness are likely to be worse than someone who has no alcohol in their system? There is a big tv ad campaign about it here in NI at the minute.

I just don't see why anyone would deliberately do something to increase the risk. Especially with kids in the car.

irregularegular · 29/07/2016 09:40

" I don't see the point of just having one drink for the sake of it."

Huh? What a strange thing to say. Probably most times when I have a drink I only have one, whether I am driving or not (and 99% of the time I am not). Because I enjoy a glass of wine with a meal, with friends, whatever. I'm not having a drink just to reach the target of my daily allowance! Do you think there is only any point drinking if you are going to get drunk? There's no point having one glass if you are not going to have a whole bottle??

goddessoftheharvest · 29/07/2016 09:56

Errrr.. That's not exactly what I said if you actually bothered to read my post?

I said if I'm having a drink I want to relax, have a couple, and not worry about whether I'm over the limit. Maybe it's because I rarely drink these days, but when I do I want to enjoy it and not worry. Given that "a glass of wine" is usually well over a unit of alcohol and sometimes it can be hard to judge. So rather than getting hung up on my entitlement to have a drink, if I'm driving I'd rather just abstain entirely. It's only a drink, and I'm there for the company and the fun.

That's what I don't understand, people getting so protective of their one drink, when it really doesn't make a difference. I'd rather err very much on the side of caution

So no, I'm not some sort of raging piss artist

WeAllHaveWings · 29/07/2016 10:04

I would not have one drink and drive.

I would expect close family/friends to either have the same values or respect mine if driving my dc.

There is a legal limit of 80mg in the UK (excl. Scotland who recently lowered theirs), it is the highest level in Europe only shared with one other country (Malta I think?).

The limits are less in other countries because they already recognise the risks, its about time the rest of the UK reduced its limit.

Your dh is being very reasonable, thinking beyond the legal limit and assessing the risks himself.

irregularegular · 29/07/2016 11:15

Goddess - I was quoting AtAt and that was almost her whole post. Word for word. I was trying to out what it meant. Nothing to do with your post.

Thingmcthingyface · 29/07/2016 11:31

because for example a glass of orange juice contains a small but measurable amount of alcohol

Ummmmm.... If you've added it in there breakfast of champions

goddessoftheharvest · 29/07/2016 11:32

Oh ok, I'm sorry for being huffy. DD has already told me i'm a grump today

Fomalhaut · 29/07/2016 11:40

No, it does. Orange juice, yoghurt... Can be 0.5% easily.

AtAt · 29/07/2016 11:45

I've probably not worded my post very well, sorry. All I mean is that there is a difference between fancying a glass of wine with lunch (absolutely fine) to I'm driving, so I'm going to have that one glass of wine regardless, as I'm allowed it.

Fomalhaut · 29/07/2016 12:05

Most people aren't drunk after one (I am, ahem...) but most people ARE slightly impaired even if you don't think you are
Subtle impairments can make a difference to reactions and reaction times. Yanbu at all to say that the kids don't get in a car driven by anyone who has had a drink. I've had this battle with Fil :( thankfully my parents (while they do like a drink in the evening) would never do this.

MidnightAura · 29/07/2016 12:08

Yabu! And your step dad is too. My father regularly had a drink and drive when I was younger. I picked up on it. He still does to my knowledge even when he's taking his grand children out. I don't think it's ok.

bitemyshinymetalass · 29/07/2016 12:11

Yet again a Mner hands their critical thinking over to the government. Wtf is it with that, can people really not make judgments outside of whether something is legal or not?

Or they could make their own judgement which also fits in with the legal judgement, which is influenced by experts in that field who know what they are talking about? Which makes a alot more sense than many other judgements....

YelloDraw · 29/07/2016 12:12

I bet your DH has been far more impaired driving the DCs to nursery/school after he's had a shit night with them and only had 3 hours sleep...

Fomalhaut · 29/07/2016 12:15

The drink drive limit in England isn't actually based on sound science. It was pretty much plucked out of thin air.

bitemyshinymetalass · 29/07/2016 12:20

The drink drive limit in England isn't actually based on sound science. It was pretty much plucked out of thin air

I find that hard to believe, given that its in line with many other countries around the world. It is the highest in Europe though.

Fomalhaut · 29/07/2016 13:18

It was set in the sixties at a level where you could definitely see people were affected. I'm a scientist and I distinctly remember this cropping up at university when we were talking about the interaction between what scientists advise and what politicians actually do ... I'll see if I can find the article but I've read it was basically 'hmm couple of pints is alright I'm sure...'
The safe weekly limits were also pulled out of the air too , and the five a day fruit and veg is much lower than many countries but it's thought that's all Brits would tolerate 😬 ( am I allowed to make a lower limit in Scotland joke about that..?)

Anyway, from the roadsmart website The UK legal limit was set in 1967 at a level where impairment was undeniable - 80 milligrams of alcohol for 100 millilitres of blood (0.8). Recent research suggests that impairment begins at 0.5 and lowering the limit could save at least 40 lives a year on Britain’s roads. We are now out of step with the rest of Europe where most countries have adopted the lower limit of 0.5

Don't get me started on how government ignores/twists scientific advice because I will be here all day ...🙄

Salmotrutta · 29/07/2016 13:42

I would never drive after even just one drink now (Scotland) - it's just not an option.

Before they lowered the limit up here I would have one drink with a meal at the start of an evening out but only one. That way I knew it would be well out of my system before I was driving 2-3 hours later.

And I certainly would never have contemplated driving with my grandchildren in the car. Or when my own kids were in the car.

Chopstick17 · 29/07/2016 13:45

I think the question needs to be should you be driving after any alcohol, not who is the passenger. Does your DH drive after one drink if the DC are not with him? If so, what about other peoples ' DC in cars or pedestrians?

oxcat1 · 29/07/2016 13:52

Please can I just ask

all of you who are saying that you would never drive with a drink inside you, does that take account of time past? For example, if I go to dinner with friends, I might toy with one glass of wine at about 6pm. I'll then eat a good meal, and leave at about 11pm, having drunk only water since.

Do you think that is wrong? Genuine not rhetorical question!

Chopstick17 · 29/07/2016 13:56

I do oxcat I also drive my DC with one drink inside me. My point is why make the deciding factor, having his DC in the car?

FruitCider · 29/07/2016 13:58

How do you know people are under the limit if they have had only had one drink? Do you own a breathalyser? If not then YABVU!

bbcessex · 29/07/2016 14:03

I never drink even one drink and drive. I'm not a even a delicate twig and I can tell the difference in the way I feel after a single glass of wine; no way would I ever have a drink and drive. To answer oxcat... I socialise regularly at lunch for work. If I had even one glass of wine at lunch, I would leave my car at the station at 6 or 7pm.. (or more likely, would have planned to not drive to the station that day). I'd rather have many glasses and not drive .

I definitely wouldn't have a glass of wine at dinner and then drive home. It impairs my judgement, and I would never forgive myself if I had an accident and harmed anyone.

I've recently become more paranoid about driving the next morning after drinking too.. If I go to a party I limit the amount I drink / time I drink until.

Just not worth it.

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