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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids left in car while mum shops in Lidl

120 replies

Talawrence · 28/07/2016 19:35

This morning I arrived at Lidl just before 8am. Another car pulled up beside me. The parent parked up leaving 2 very small kids ( 3 & 1 yr old) in the car unattended . I took my time to get my own child out of the car and observed the kids left alone . After 7 mins I took a photo of the unattended children in the car and the front number plate. Just then the mother came out and was confrontational. She said she was running late for work . I told her that she should use common sense and I will be reporting her to the police . Shall I delete the photos or report this parent .

OP posts:
trufflehunterthebadger · 28/07/2016 21:02

also read of an occasion where a toddler managed to undo the handbrake when left alone in the car

My husbands car doesn't have a handbrake so no child left alone in it could do anything. Maybe this woman's car was the same

FeeFighter · 28/07/2016 21:07

If I saw a dog in the car and was worried about overheating, I can honestly say my first reaction would be to take a photo to gather evidence. My first reaction would be to go into the shop get the owner and get the dog out of the car.

FeeFighter · 28/07/2016 21:08

Not to take a photo I mean

newshoes68 · 28/07/2016 21:15

You can't leave dogs in the car but it's ok to leave the kids!
Hopefully it worried the parent enough not to do it again .

pleasemothermay1 · 28/07/2016 21:18

If you took pictures of my children

Well it wouldn't end well my children are adopted and I wouldn't know if you were a relative for all I know you could go on to post on line

Look at this shameful mum Ect

I would be calling the police on you tbh

thisisafakename · 28/07/2016 21:25

If I saw a dog in the car and was worried about overheating, I can honestly say my first reaction would be to take a photo to gather evidence. My first reaction would be to go into the shop get the owner and get the dog out of the car

I would be extremely concerned that the owner would do the same thing again. My first instinct (if the dog was overheating) would be to smash the window and alert the police or RSPCA if I didn't know where the owner was. If I knew where the owner was, I would get them to open the car immediately. I would make very sure too that I had the licence plate because I would report it.

I definitely don't think that we should go around policing parenting, but sometimes it's very lucky that there are strangers who give a crap. Many children are victims of neglect and are too young to speak out or help themselves. If everyone took the 'none of my business' approach, those children have absolutely nobody. I wouldn't be taking pictures for my own twisted need to report people, it would be out of concern for a child. The recent and dreadful Ellie Butler case shows what happens if everyone turns a blind eye and assumes that the parents know best. I am not in any way saying the case is similar, but I think that if we spot things that aren't right, we need to ensure that we protect those that are vulnerable.

FeeFighter · 28/07/2016 21:29

Fake name, I completely agree that people shouldn't turn a blind eye. I just think this was the wrong way to deal with it. And yes of course we should speak out and protect the vulnerable. But there are ways to do this. I don't agree this was the right way.

FreedomIsInPeril · 28/07/2016 21:32

Kids were fine, 7 mins is nothing. You can't report them, you have no evidence. She could report you for being a weirdo taking pics of her children and car.

newshoes68 · 28/07/2016 21:33

RSPCA campaign this year states " take a photo then brake the window"

DontSweatTheSmallStuff · 28/07/2016 21:35

I wouldn't bother reporting now. You've probably made her think twice about doing it again. I don't think you were unreasonable to take the photos in the first place, you had no idea how long she might have been. I certainly wouldn't leave a 3 and 1 year old alone in the car while I pop into the shop, but then my 3 year old is perfectly capable of undoing his belt and escaping from the car in less than 1 minute!

nannylife · 28/07/2016 21:36

pleasemothermay hopefully you wouldn't leave your 2 young children unattended for others to tale photos then. Tbh I'm not sure I would report it. But I don't think it's right. Petrol - yes
supermarket - no

newshoes68 · 28/07/2016 21:38

I'm guessing the op intentions were to go shopping and not sit in a car park looking to police who coming and going and take nasty photos . Shame that this person is only looking out for the kids welfare by waiting for the parent to return.

thisisafakename · 28/07/2016 21:40

Fake name, I completely agree that people shouldn't turn a blind eye. I just think this was the wrong way to deal with it. And yes of course we should speak out and protect the vulnerable. But there are ways to do this. I don't agree this was the right way

OK, fine, maybe she was a little hasty in taking the pictures and I said upthread that given the short time she was gone, she should not make a police report. However, I do think the OP did the right thing by waiting at the car rather than going in and doing her own shopping and also in confronting the mother. She needed to hear that this is not OK to do.

I can also understand why she took pictures because if the mother had been gone for a longer period, it is unlikely that the police would do much without evidence. I would also take pictures if I saw a child being beaten by an adult in public. It has nothing to do with being a weirdo, it is because it would enable the authorities to do something.

But I am interested to hear how other people would handle this sort of situation and reassure themselves that the same thing would not happen again.

ellie264 · 28/07/2016 21:41

I think a mother can know whether her children will be happy sitting on their own in a secure vehicle for less than 10 mins and make that judgement call. Whilst not ideal to leave a child unattended, I don't think 10 mins in a secure car seat is going to harm anyone, at a not particularly dangerous location or time. OP, you over reacted. I would have continued with my own shopping, and had the children still been unattended when I returned, I would have gone to the customer service desk and informed them. Made it the supermarkets problem that there were unattended children on their property. If I thought they were in immediate danger e.g over heating, I would have called the police.

Badbadtromance · 28/07/2016 21:41

So where has the op gone?

Oblomov16 · 28/07/2016 21:42

Ha ha. This is bizarre. MN at its best. Have you seen the other thread about leaving a one year old in the car for 10 minutes?

thisisafakename · 28/07/2016 21:43

newshoes68

That is very helpful to know, thank you. I am definitely not a weirdo who likes taking pictures of cars, dogs and children! I do however know that little is done without evidence and that would be at the back of my mind in this sort of scenario.

Northernlurker · 28/07/2016 21:47

Op you knew how long the kids were left and it wasn't hot, assuming this was 8am in the UK. You've no reason to do what you did other than to inflate your own sense of self importance and sanctimony. I am appalled you thought this was the right course of action. Delete the photos and try being less smug.

bumsexatthebingo · 28/07/2016 21:49

Lets be real for a second the police would not be interested in a mum leaving her kids in the car while she shopped at Lidl or a concerned bystander who took photos of children in a public place. They may get ss to do a welfare check and offer advice but the mum has probably had enough of a shock that she won't do it again.

thisisafakename · 28/07/2016 21:51

I think a mother can know whether her children will be happy sitting on their own in a secure vehicle for less than 10 mins and make that judgement call. Whilst not ideal to leave a child unattended, I don't think 10 mins in a secure car seat is going to harm anyone, at a not particularly dangerous location or time

In that case, is it OK to leave them at home while you pop out briefly to do your shopping or run an errand? How do you know that a 1 year old who cannot speak is happy on his own in a car?

I would have continued with my own shopping, and had the children still been unattended when I returned, I would have gone to the customer service desk and informed them. Made it the supermarkets problem that there were unattended children on their property

So you would have left them there, unattended for however long it took you to do your own shopping (could be 45 minutes or so if a big shop)? Only then, if they were still there, you would have told customer services (who would probably have called the police)? It's good to know that it would concern you so much.

But the woman who called 999 when a baby was on its own in a car gets nothing but praise.... Strange world.

FreedomIsInPeril · 28/07/2016 21:52

Ha ha. This is bizarre. MN at its best. Have you seen the other thread about leaving a one year old in the car for 10 minutes?

I know! This one is SO much more sensible Grin

Excited101 · 28/07/2016 21:52

7 minutes?! WTF! I think you need to get over it tbh. Perhaps it wasn't the ideal thing to do but life is a series of snap judgments, by the law of statistics alone, not all of them will be good decisions. It really, really wasn't a problem.

angelikacpickles · 28/07/2016 21:56

Neither of my kids ever opened their straps when in a five point harness. They would also be quite happy in the car together and I don't believe there is a risk of overheating in the space of 7 minutes at 8am. I think reporting it now is an overreaction.

thisisafakename · 28/07/2016 21:57

Op you knew how long the kids were left and it wasn't hot, assuming this was 8am in the UK. You've no reason to do what you did other than to inflate your own sense of self importance and sanctimony. I am appalled you thought this was the right course of action. Delete the photos and try being less smug

She didn't know when she was taking the pictures how long the mother would be. For all she knew, she could have been gone 20 minutes or longer. I think if you are going to leave children unattended, you have to be 100% prepared for the possibility that someone will report you because leaving kids unattended in this country is deemed socially unacceptable. I am not saying it is always 100% wrong if for a short period but if something HAD happened, the mother would have been BLASTED on here.

FreedomIsInPeril · 28/07/2016 21:57

If your kid can get out of the seat, you have a bigger problem. Whats to stop them getting out while you're on the motorway and leaning in for a hug?