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AIBU?

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Original poster

would you believe ds (5) or the childminder? childminer took ds and the children elsewhere

1004 replies

user1469643462 · 27/07/2016 19:31

It is the summer holidays so ds has to be with a childminer, for 3 days a week. I pay her for the actual care she provides, then i pay for any visits to places on top of that, they were supposed to be going to the zoo today and i had paid £21 for ds's zoo ticket and i know that isnt loads but tbh with the cost i had already paid for her to look after him it was almost today's wages! ds goes there with 2 boys and a little girl aswell all around the same age give or take. Ds got home and was telling me all about his trip to the local museum (which was free) i did not have a problem with that he seemed to have had a great time. I phoned up the childminder and asked if she could just paypal the money back over and she said that she had no idea what i was going on about and that she took them to the zoo Hmm I know children do love to use their imagination, so i was a bit undecided, ds kept going on about the objects he had seen and told me a story about a man showing them the kids bit. ds has never been to this museum and it was just odd how well he was explaining it. I would love to phone the other parents but tbh i dont actually know them! it's all very odd...

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
YesYABU · 29/07/2016 10:42

It sounds like there was a trip to the zoo, but not on a day your child went. All very strange!

BoGrainger · 29/07/2016 10:43

But they could be taken as two unrelated sentences. E.g. They had fun somewhere else on Tuesday and it's a shame the other children weren't there.

catkind · 29/07/2016 10:43

Ha, that's what I said, they went on a different day!

Notagainmun · 29/07/2016 10:45

Very confusing. I have in the passed gone to the same attraction twice in one week, as you can get a boomerang pass where it is half price, if you return within seven days with ID and your original ticket/ receipt.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 29/07/2016 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pou · 29/07/2016 10:48

Can you take him to the museum at the weekend and see if he recognises it?

Not helpful but I wouldn't know who to believe. The other parents might have just been told the same story as you about the zoo, and just asked their children if they had a nice day, rather than specifics.

I'd definitely ask for the receipt though.

Also, my DD was with a childminder for years, not once did I pay for any trips out (I did offer). They went on bus trips, cinema, the woods etc. They always took photos and provided me with a detailed account of the day. Never once did I doubt them (husband and wife CM's). There's clearly something bothering you about this or you wouldn't have posted. Trust your instinct. Dig a little deeper or it'll always bother you. If it turns out your DS went to the zoo, but visited the museum on another day, just apologise and say in future can she provide all details of all trips they go on.

Good luck!

stayathomegardener · 29/07/2016 10:48

Op it is your moral duty to now take you DS to both Chester Zoo and the Grosvenor Muuseum this weekend.
I am local and both are brilliant but very different.
Please in the balance of fairness keep the controlled variables the same... No leading questions.
You will both have a lovely time and the results will be so interesting.
I think it is your childminders way of generating extra cash, shocking not to provide photos or book for a discount if I'm wrong.

Flyingfruit · 29/07/2016 10:50

Shameless placemarking! I'd believe your DS here I think

Pou · 29/07/2016 10:51

Actually reading other people's replies, it sounds like they went to the zoo on the Tuesday and then the possibly the museum on the Wednesday Confused.

You do need to get to the bottom of it though.

Original poster
user1469643462 · 29/07/2016 10:53

Yes, he doesn't go on Tuesdays. The thing is, if she went on the Tuesday, why completely lie to me when I phoned up to ask? She also must have lied to the other boy's mum too as she seems to think he went to the zoo on Wednesday but didn't enjoy it (he doesn't go on Tuesdays) it really hasn't helped at all...

OP posts:
TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 29/07/2016 10:54

Any updates op?

Pou · 29/07/2016 10:59

The plot thickens. I think take him to the museum at the weekend, see what his reaction is without saying anything and then go from there.

You can have it out with the CM on Monday, you're paying for her service and you've paid for a day out, don't pussyfoot around her. You have a right to know exactly what you're child is up to and when.

Jumpy72 · 29/07/2016 11:03

As a CM who lurks a lot on MN, I am intrigued by this post! I would guess that your cm has seen this thread and that's why you was greeted with a leaflet. I would be so upset that I had taken the children out and your little one didn't remember as that would have lead on to other activities that I would be planning ( crafts ). I do think that your son didn't go to the zoo , and if I was your cm I would be happy for you to ask me outright and I would supply you with photos ( but I love photos) and the ticket receipt or email showing bookings etc. It is the cm duty to show evidence and she would have some as will claim for expenses. Good luck.

TinyTear · 29/07/2016 11:06

She went on Tuesday and still charged you for it. Maybe after you complained about the museum she thought to tell the other parents their kid didn't like it, to preempt any other questions

OuchLegoHurts · 29/07/2016 11:13

This is mad! Yes I also think that some kids went but she charged everyone. Can't believe she thought she'd get away with it if this is the case.

OrchidsAndLace · 29/07/2016 11:13

Oh Lordy, the plot thickens indeed...

OP - just to double check, do you know if the other girl goes every day of the week? Or does she maybe go on Tuesday but not Wednesday? I'm just thinking that maybe the CM went to the zoo on both days as there are different sets of kids on Tuesdays and Wednesdays? But if the little girl whose DM you spoke to goes on Wednesdays too then she'd probably mention if she'd had two trips to the zoo...

If the other boy's parent was also aware of a zoo trip and didn't seem to have doubts about it that makes it much less likely that the CM is lying IMO.

The leaflet she gave you - is it one that's freely available at the zoo or is it the type that you get given only with a ticket, IYSWIM?

bec3105 · 29/07/2016 11:14

If that were me I would of turned round and gone back into cm's house and said X's mum said you went to the zoo on Tuesday? Can you clarify as I'm confused.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 29/07/2016 11:17

On these long threads it's sometimes hard to remember that only a short amount of time has gone by since the start of the 'event' that prompted the thread. Also that the OP has only posted a handful of times, and so in reality this hasn't all got hyped up and exaggerated by all the discussion.

Good luck OP in trying to get to the bottom of it.

My DS has a great imagination but is very grounded in reality and would never get facts wrong in this way. His friend however lies / creates fantasies all the time, which he tells with complete dead pan face. Took me a while to work out what was going on!

There's such a variation between children, as well as the potential for a child to just think differently on this one occasion... So it is tricky to get to the bottom of it.

bec3105 · 29/07/2016 11:19

Also when I was childminding each child had a daily diary that went back and forth between me and parents. I wrote when the child arrived and left, what they ate that day including snacks, activities they'd done, nappy changes if applicable and then a space for comments like bring sun cream tomorrow please.
This avoided any confusion about what happened when.

rollonthesummer · 29/07/2016 11:20

Why did she give you a leaflet about it?! That proves nothing.

So, by the sounds of it- she took the Wednesday lot to the zoo but obviously didn't go on the Tuesday. I couldn't let this one go, I'm afraid...!

Atinybittiredandsad · 29/07/2016 11:22

Lots of miss marples on the thread. Grin

Op as a cm for years the most important thing to have is the implicit trust of a parent. If and when the trust has gone then it's time to move on.

She would need evidence of her visit to claim expenses from Hmrc. That's what self employed people have to do. She would most defiantly have taken photos of her visit for the learning journals for Ofsted. I would have been sending you photos throughout the day anyway on a normal day but a zoo trip most defiantly.

If you can't trust her move on.

rainbowstardrops · 29/07/2016 11:24

Ooh how intriguing?!!!!
I reckon CM realised you knew your DS hadn't gone to the zoo/has seen this thread, so thought she'd better go the next day/pick up a leaflet.

In my area, you can pick up local attraction leaflets all over the place!

I'd really have to question her again. Your DS obviously really enjoyed the museum day out but I'd want to know what my money was spent on..

OrchidsAndLace · 29/07/2016 11:26

Of course it's also possible the other parent got mixed up about which day the zoo trip was, little knowing the havoc she would cause! Grin

TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 29/07/2016 11:30

I would definitely take son to both places (entrance) and see which he recognises- it's getting too confusing now - she could have taken the Tuesday and Wednesday group but highly unlikely as some kids would have been going 2 days in a row. Very worrying if she does not know who is in on which days. This must be driving you insane. GL

rollonthesummer · 29/07/2016 11:32

How many children does she have each day?

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