Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Apparently I'm tight for not letting DD have a yoghurt instead of her tea!

110 replies

TheUnsullied · 27/07/2016 16:55

She's 2.3. It's a tea she's eaten many times before and a favourite of mine because of the veg hiding potential...chilli con carne with some wholemeal pita bread. She normally wolfs it. She decided not to even touch it, which is fine.

5 minutes later she's asked for a yoghurt. I've said no. If she'd eaten any of her tea she could have had one but she's not having one instead of a meal. I've given her tea back to her and a tantrum has ensued.

I think this is fairly run of the mill with a toddler. DFriend is making out that it's cruel to not give a yoghurt to her because she's not eaten.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheUnsullied · 27/07/2016 18:49

No Dutch...but it should at least fill me up! What's in a kid's yoghurt, about 25 grams?

OP posts:
PeppaAteMySoul · 27/07/2016 18:58

I'd do the same as you OP with DS who is only a little older (3). Would try offering dinner again and if still refused certainly no pudding. If he was complaining about being hungry before bed he could have a small bowl of porridge. (He will eat it but isn't overly keen). I know if he was offered toast or yoghurt both of which he loves he would never eat his actual dinner.

Dutchcourage · 27/07/2016 19:19

well you could have given her three! Grin

Original poster
TheUnsullied · 27/07/2016 19:23

And half a pack of cookies Wink

OP posts:
mathsmum314 · 27/07/2016 19:31

Sounds very harsh if she normally eats it with no problems. Keep a stock of sugar free plain yogurt's. When my DC were young I allowed them the occasional veto, it didn't turn them into fussy eaters.

Dutchcourage · 27/07/2016 19:35

And don't forget the beaker of Coke!

Kangamum · 27/07/2016 19:41

I'm with you OP! This is one of my bug bears.
it's a house not a restaurant. You get what you are given. That's exactly how it was when I was growing up and it's how it is in my house. No big drama, either eat what is in front of you or don't. But there will be nothing else.

If it was something she hadn't had before I maybe try and coax her to at least try some as it could be that she genuinely didn't like it.

But if it's something that she does like, then I wouldn't be giving her a yoghurt, unless of course she mad at least a good attempt at the chilli. Then she could have a yogurt for afters.

I don't think 2.5 is too young to learn this, kids are very smart and soon work out what they can get away with and what they can't.

My oldest boys are teenagers, and I know for certain if they say 'I don't like it mum' then it's because they don't like the taste. It happens very very rarely.

purplefox · 27/07/2016 19:47

I'm quite surprised at how many people would cave to a whim of a toddler and give a neither filling nor nutritious alternative to a proper meal at the first sign of an objection.

Same, YANBU. I wouldn't be letting my toddler choose to refuse to have dinner and then reward them with something else. No wonder there's so many parents now making several different meals for one meal time, or complaining their children only eat x foods.

Frazzled2207 · 27/07/2016 20:13

I'm with you. Most yoghurts are intensely sugary. My son knows he won't get yoghurt if he doesn't have a reasonable stab at his tea. I'd probably give him toast or a banana though.

FeelingSmurfy · 27/07/2016 20:15

If someone had cooked me a meal that I normally liked then I would eat it whether I felt like it or not, it's called manners!

If it's something that the child hadn't tried before or wasn't really fond of then I would serve it with something they did eat, get them to eat that part and offer an alternative for the bit they didn't like

If its something the child normally eats then I wouldn't make a fuss but if they asked for something to eat later they would be given the food again. I would give toast/banana/cereal/yoghurt before bed, but not a favourite food

Its not like you made her sit there for 3 hours with it in front of her and then served it 3 meals a day until she ate it

Afreshstartplease · 27/07/2016 20:16

I'm with you too op

My three are aged 3-8 and TBH non of them would even ask for a yogurt instead of tea as they no it's a big fat NO

ToElleWithIt · 27/07/2016 20:23

I'm with you OP and would do more or less the same with DS 2.4. I wouldn't force the original dinner on him, but I'd offer it and if it was refused no yogurt and then something savory (but not a treat) before bed eg crackers and cream cheese so he wasn't hungry. No problem if he doesn't want what's on offer. I don't want to turn mealtime into a battleground so just offer and remove, but I also don't want him to think he can refuse dinner and hold out for sweet treats afterwards.

ThursdayLastWeek · 27/07/2016 20:23

It's not the yogurt that's the point here though is it? It's the principle godammit Grin

When DS was that age I might replace his tea with a slice of bread and butter and bring his milk forward - but inky because I didn't want to be woken up by a hungry toddler in the night.

YANBU OP

RiverTam · 27/07/2016 20:24

In my experience and that of others, previously good eating toddlers can suddenly become much fussier when they hit around 3. DD stopped eating pasta sauce with chunks of veg in and plain yoghurt with chunks of fruit, it all had to be smooth, despite her eating these fine since weaning. Same with friends' DC.

I would offer bread and butter as an alternative main and then pudding. Of course, if this isn't just a one-off then a different strategy is needed, but I see no harm for this to happen every so often.

inlovewithhubby · 27/07/2016 20:31

Op you're not wrong!!! When she's an adult, she can decide on a whim to eat yogurt instead of her tea if she fancies, when she makes and pays for her own food. While you do the cooking, and she is too small to have a rational decision making process for anything, you decide. I think you are absolutely right to do what you did. And to those saying 2.3 is too young to learn that lesson, what poppycock. Mine were under a year when they learned this and they didn't do it too often again once they realised the consequences. Same for throwing food, pissing about at the table etc - dinner is over. You underestimate your average two year old if you think they are that stupid. They are littl sponges and if you choose to teach them that eating no dinner means a swift pudding then more fool you.

Lots of ridiculous pandering to kids' whims on mumsnet. You're not being cruel, you are teaching her the boundaries that many these days choose not to bother with.

Original poster
TheUnsullied · 27/07/2016 20:35

I'm probably due a bit of fussiness River as she's been quite easy so far food-wise. Meals with everything mixed in are quite reliable, albeit a pain in the rear to produce every day.

OP posts:
mathsmum314 · 27/07/2016 20:40

it's a house not a restaurant. You get what you are given
But its also a home not an orphanage.

I don't understand why so many posters on here think forcing children into obedience is good. It reminds me of my mothers generation who believed "spare the rod and spoil the child". Surely we are a bit more loving now.

Original poster
TheUnsullied · 27/07/2016 20:46

Are you responding to the right post here maths? Hmm It's not an orphanage no. I gave her chilli con carne and pita bread, eventually followed by a banana, not gruel. And there was no forcing. And what I feed her has no connection to whether your mother's generation hit their kids.

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 27/07/2016 20:46

I don't encourage eating dinner with the goal of getting pudding. Not at all. That way lies madness.

Maybe she doesn't want the chilli. Maybe she doesn't fancy it and just wants yoghurt. She'll come back to it.

imwithspud · 27/07/2016 20:47

No one's forcing their child into obedience, they have a choice - eat it or don't.

imwithspud · 27/07/2016 20:49

Oh and there's plenty of love in my house.

Kangamum · 27/07/2016 20:49

We are more loving. Her mother has lovingly cooked her a dinner she likes. She's decided she wants a yoghurt instead. She doesn't decide, she's 2.5.

Nobody is 'forcing' her to eat it. She's not ramming it into her mouth screaming at her to eat it. What op and myself and other posters are saying is, that's fine if you don't want to eat it. Don't. But what we are saying is a 2.5 year old is not old enough to make appropriate descions about what they eat and when! What if her daughter had decided she wanted a macdonalds instead? Not a yoghurt? Should her mum go out and buy her one? It's the exact same and I don't think everyone would be telling the op to give in to her. (And make no bones that what it is) about that. Kids aren't daft! They know what they are doing! My new phew did this all the time to my sister, still does in fact, and he's now four. Funnily enough we have no problems when he comes here for tea/sleepovers. Eats all his tea! Because he knows I won't let him get away with it, and also he very quickly learnt if he ate his tea, he'd get a nice treat after. If he didn't, he wouldn't. Same lesson my kids learnt.

RiverTam · 27/07/2016 20:55

Having read so many threads and posts on MN from adults with food issues, many formed in childhood, plus having a tiny baby who had never had much of an appetite, I am very wary of being overly strict around food. Yes, we have some difficult days but slowly but surely DD is broadening her range. Today, at the age of 6.7, she actually enjoyed three (three!!) slices of cucumber. Always rejected it or said she didn't like it up to now. Had broad beans for the first time a fortnight ago - loves them. The other day we were out for lunch and she said she didn't want ice cream or any pudding as she was full. All good stuff.

Excited101 · 27/07/2016 21:04

Not a chance I'd be giving the yoghurt. This is precisely the age they test boundaries and learn behaviours that are acceptable or not.

FreedomIsInPeril · 27/07/2016 21:44

Why are you asking if you are being unreasonable if you are already quite sure you are not and disagree with anyone saying you are? What is the point of that?