To want to change nursery to avoid a particular child

[BettyBi0]

We've had some long standing issues with the way DC's nursery have been handling some behaviour issues. DC is 2.5 and has learnt some choice phrases over the last 6 months or so including lots of threats along the lines of "I'll cut your face", "shut up and do as I say", "you are the loser so ner ner na ner ner" which she has copied from some of the older kids. Some of it is run of the mill bratty stuff, some of it is really quite scary mean stuff. It's a mixed room of 2 to 5 yr olds. The nursery have said they cannot prevent certain kids from playing together but they can intervene if they see/hear anything mean being said. Fair enough... Only they never seem to hear/see anything and whenever I pick DD up she is playing in a group being bossed around by the older kids. There are 2 particular girls that I'd really like DD not to copy and I'd been consoling myself with the fact that they were both off to big school in September. Now I've just found out that one of them has a September birthday and will in fact be there for a whole year more.

Am I mad to consider changing nurseries to avoid this child? I hate the impact she has had on DD and the phrases and behaviours that DD has copied from her and I dread to think of that going on for another year.

I would look at other options, just in case.

Have had 3 DCs through nursery. I can state that NONE of them would ever use this kind of language, nor would any of the other children. It would be taken seriously and definitely the children would be guided away from it by the staff.

Also I think 2-5 age range is not ideal. Fine to mix for some playtimes (supervised) but to be in the same room, mixing all the time, is not going to help either age groups progress as well as being in (say) 2-3 and 4-5 age groups.

Agreed floggingmolly it's not normal (in my experience of 3 very different DCs). Certain things might be a phase that a lot of children go through but I wouldn't say this is.

I think some people are putting a spin on words that the children don't intend. Nowdays with video games cutting someone means pressing x and it having no consequence. Equally I seen boys that age laughing and taking about killing each other when roleplaying video games or playing superheroes. To them it just means losing a life and no violence takes place.

What? Suck it up buttercup? What are you gonna do when the DC is in school?

Where on earth do you live that this is the op problem?

It is not normal to have threats of this level coming anywhere near a toddler fgs!

Of course she should consider moving and take it up with the nursery!

Where you have a choice, and you're paying for this childcare, absolutely choose the best environment everytime for your child.

The age range can't be 2 - 5, assuming you are in England the oldest child in the nursery wil be 4 (suppose they have a 1 Sep birthday) and the child who you are talking about with a September birthday is surely 3 now and will be 4 in Spetember.

Have I got that right? That's not such a huge age range is it?

If you're unhappy with a nursery for any reason of course you chould consider changing but be sure to look at the whole picture, a differnt one may just have different problems

YANBU to change your child's nursery if you're not happy with it.

I think there's such a huge difference in needs and behaviours of 2 year olds and 4/5 year olds that I'd probably look for somewhere that has different "rooms" or a childminder that has similar aged kids to your child.

Both my DSs have been in nursery from ages 1-4 and I have never heard them use language like this, I'd be concerned if they did TBH.

Change to a nursery with a better class of customer. At least the bad language will be better quality.

It's called 2-5 but as far as I know it's just up until they turn 5. So oldest is 4 and 11 months probably.

She looks up to the older 2 girls as if they are Anna and Elsa and it's not as though she really even understands the concept of standing up to anyone. It does my head in that the main culprit is not quite 4 yet. She speaks like someone off a bad American teen drama most of the time.

''I'm going to gut you like a fish'' is actually part of line from How The Grinch stole christmas with Jim Carrey. The whole line is ''I will hunt you down and gut you like a fish''. If the child was only two it is completely plausible that they are only repeating a half remembered line from a christmas film. How awful if that was the case for the parents, completely innocent and totally unsuspecting.

Although I agree with regards to constant moving , I agree with your valid concerns.

How is nursery catering and doc using activities based on the children's ages?

Is their a children protection issue and are internal investigations taking place to determine child safety ? Are they following safe guessing procedures to protect vulnerable children ?
I bring this up because I have worked in establishments where if children have been heard making threatening comments , immediately the staff member in charge of safe guarding is informed who then will inform the most senior member of staff .discreet investigations are carried out .if external agencies need to be informed or pRebts chatted up about their child's Tv or gaming behaviour as well as language said child is using
The establishment then work with children talking through by activities about feelings , how some language can be hurtful.

Other parents would get news letters or be invited in to explain what parents can do to support their child. That's a good establishment .
Apologies for typos .

This is what they would

If a child at our nursery was saying 'I'll cut your face, there would be some involvement with the parents and a cause for concern raised, as that sounds like something a child is hearing at home. Its not kid language.

Sorry jenny, cross post, you said it much more succinctly than I did!

YANBU

When they are older, they will have to learn not to copy inappropriate behaviour.
At this age, they parrot.
I would perhaps monitor it and see if it dies down over the summer (if shes not around the child as much) and picks up when they're back together.
And they can be stopped (encouraged) to play with different children. I say this as a parent and a teacher.
I hope the situation improves.

I can safely say my DD has probably been the child saying 'I cut you' every day for the last 2 years, as have all her friends. They play ninjas in yard every single day and coupled with 'I will take you down you evil predator' I have heard many other battle crys uttered daily. And yes her younger nursery aged brother does play too when they are at home. Mind you for the last 2 weeks he has been playing some bizarre boxing game between his iggle piggle and upsy daisey toys where they each high five a tomblie boo when they knock the other over which would probably be chilling to some of you too taken out of context. To be fair the toys do look like they have their arms up boxing style.

DD just walked in the door telling me 'your destiny awaits ' while doing a ninja pose while ds came in with a macca pacca DVD from the library which hopefully contains less violence than the last time he watched 'in the night garden'.

Are the nursery not raising any of their concerns with the parents. If I were a nursery nurse and heard a child say. I'll cut your face. I'd have grave concerns.
I think the whole nursery needs looking at TBH

My 3 year old is currently using
'I will chop your face/leg/arm off'
'F*ers'
'Stupid bl**dy idiot'
Unfortunately his brother who is going into yr1 had a child with sen in his class who had a rather fruity vocab from playing in the street with older boys and used it often.

I was as managed to avoid bad langauage with my ds til this point. Makes me realise I was lucky. I accept and teach my ds's it's not nice and they get a time out

I'd move your child. The language isn't normal at all imo.

2 1/2 is very different from 4 and it's such a deeply impressionable age with only very limited understanding of right and wrong. those 18 months make a big difference.

Your daughter is already copying undesirable behaviour.

Children of such different ages shouldn't be playing together as much as they are, from what you say.

whenever I pick DD up she is playing in a group being bossed around by the older kids.

If it's all the time that this happens, then she needs to be a in group where there's less bossiness going on.

Fwiw I spent 3 years worrying over whether we should move our school-age child. finallly did and it was 100% the right decision. I wish we'd done it earlier. From day 1 he loved the new school because there was less arguing among the children and a more friendly and peaceful atmosphere.

Ok that's considerably older than your little one, but if he's been in a difficult environment at 2 1/2 then it would have been even more important. A good environment make so much difference to the little ones, and this nursery doesn't sound like a very good one.

I'd move her.

My dcs went to a setting that mixed ages from 2 to 6. It was a small rural nursery so not enough kids to divide them up. The older ones were home schooled, who continued to attend the nursery a couple of days a week for socialisation. They helped the little kids fasten their coats, pour their milk etc and it was a very nurturing environment where they all learnt to care for each other. I never heard any bad or unkind language; it would not have been tolerated for a moment by the staff.

I'm saddened by those posters saying there's no point moving your dc because it will be the same everywhere. It isn't. This sort of language isn't a feature of our local primary school either, even in the older years.

I worked in Reception class last year.
There is no way any of that language would have been allowed .
They would have been firmly taught to stop & why they should.

I don't think YABU at all, sounds like the nursery aren't competent in teaching children values. I'd feel the same

Definitely change. My daughter and my niece are the same age and attended the same nursery of 2.5 to 4.5 year olds. Not only were there older, out of control children that we complained about several times, but the final straw came when an older boy cut my niece's face along her eyebrow onto her cheek with a pair of scissors and the staff didn't seem to think it was a big deal! Needless to say we took them both out. There will always be challenging children, but it's how the staff deal with it that is important.

I've been experiencing the same thing with my lovely girl who is learning what I consider bratty behaviour such as pulling horrid faces, shooting me dirty looks and folding arms, pouting. I realise to many this sounds like normal 3 year old behaviour but for us it isn't. There's one girl who she seems to have become very pally with whom both myself and DH have witnessed displaying all this bratty behaviour that DD1 had never previously displayed. Anyway, said child was supposed to be moving to a different pre-school in September but mother of child informed me the other day she may change her mind and keep her at DD's pre-school. praying this doesn't happen. In answer to your post I would be extremely concerned about what your child seems to be learning, I do agree with some others regards your child's behaviour = your responsibility but phrases like you describe are very upsetting from such a little child and I totally understand your concern. Sounds to me like the nursery need to take this far more seriously than they are and if nothing changes then move. 1. To get child away from these other children but 2. Away from a nursery that doesn't take important matters seriously enough.

DD is in a mixed 2-4's room at a nursery that's just got another outstanding ofsted report and has been talking about cutting people with a knife this last week too. It's either the same nursery or there's some dodgy children's tv that's I've missed and they're all at it!

I work in a pre-school - we take children from 2.5 up to 4yrs as they leave for school. This does mean that occasionally we have some 5yr olds due to school start dates but only for a week or so! This nursery does not seem to be dealing with the behaviour well if they NEVER hear or see anything your DC and her "friends" are saying. We encourage our older 3s and 4s to be role models for the 2s so they all play together well!