DS touched by a girl

[StephoooH]

My DS was being bullied for his hair colour, a couple of months ago, things were sorted. I'm not really sure if that's relevant as this doesn't seem like it's related, but the headteacher has been really great and like a mentor to him, has been checking in with him everyday. Can't knock him.

I'm really, really, really frustrated that this happened on the last day of term (Friday) as the head didn't seem fussed at all.

DS told me about this incident in the playground, they were doing a dress up day for the last day and DS went as Thing 1, without a thing 2 (unfortunately his friend was unwell) but there was 2 girls the year above who did the same thing. The girl 'Thing 2' was following around DS. They don't even know each other, DS is in Yr 4, she is in Yr 5.

DS is quite shy and tried to avoid conversation, but she was very persistent and ended up aggressively touching him in an inappropriate way. If that makes sense, really no need to go TMI.

I phoned up the head, who said that he hadn't checked in with DS as it was the last day, which wasn't even the issue, but he seems to think that if he would have checked in with DS it wouldn't have happened so was too focused on that.

I'm not really sure what to do...

I would have posted this on Friday, but then DD got ill . Any advice would be great

As someone suggested above, trawl through the school website and email HT and Head of Governors stating you have an urgent matter to discuss and would like a meeting ASAP.

Or are you near the school? There may be someone there today, including cleaning staff who will have an emergency contact no for the HT.

I hope you get this sorted and your DS is ok

Loopy22 That sounds like an insane way to deal with serious situations and incidents. As PPs have mentioned, many children who act sexually with others are victims of abuse themselves. That's not to say that their behaviour should be brushed under the carpet, but they need help, not just punishment (and especially not humiliating punishment).

Emails are likely to be picked up by someone at the school - particularly if you include terms like safeguarding in the title - but, a report to the police will guarantee a response from the school.

If you don't want to make it "official" with the police yet, then log it anonymously with either crime stoppers or NSPCC; give your details and that of the school, and it will be followed up with the school, soc serv, and then one of the organisations will get in touch with you.
It will be recorded as intelligence (not a crime) until the police speak to you and your DS directly.

Well said, Isetan.

The timing makes a difference to how the OP can report it but shouldn't be a reason to not report. That would be the same as saying to her son 'sorry, you picked the wrong day to get sexually assualted.'

I don't think anyone expects the police to go in all guns blazing and arrest a 10-year-old but what she did was serious and may, as some have said, point to issues with her own life. I would want her and her parents visited and a record of this made.

I'd spend time this morning trying to contact head a a matter or urgency in any way I can and then call 101 this afternoon. Good point about talking to NSPCC, too.

Would the police have emergency contact details for the head? Or I'm guessing they have details for key holders/caretakers who might be able to reach head?

Oh FFS.
If this was a girl who was sexually assaulted by an older boy, there would be no minimising the attack on here or telling the OP to forget about it because DS should have said something "at the time".
She had hold of his genitals and wouldn't let go. She is also ten years old. Plenty old enough to know not to do it! And she should face consequences for it the same way people on here would suggest a boy should.

Forgot to add: There will almost certainly be admin staff in school throughout the holidays (barring bank holidays) - they will be able to pass important messages to the Head.

Yes, the caretaker will also have Head's contact details. As
Would any workmen, painters and decorators even. They won't give out Head's number but they are certainly able to contact him/her to pass on your request for a
Phone call.

As some others have said - if the genders were reversed, there would be no question that this was a sexual assault that needed to be dealt with. I work in a school myself, so I can tell you that it is very likely that at least one teacher and/or admin staff will be on site today - and they WILL have a way to contact the HT. As someone else mentioned, the assault may indicate that the girl is being abused herself, so by taking this seriously, not only are you doing the right thing for your son, but you may also be protecting this girl.

The Head is likely to be on holiday and not available. I've said this already. If he's abroad or somewhere else in the UK there is nothing he can do until he gets home.

A message asking him to get in touch ASAP will ensure he gets in touch when he gets back. The police won't want to do anything until they have spoken to him.

And the police are unlikely to take action, quite rightly, due to the age of the 'perpetrator', rather than the fact that the victim is a boy

I disagree... This isn't so much a criminal matter as a safeguarding one for the 10 year old girl, as there would clearly be suspicions of abuse... No police force with any competence would just brush this off.

loopy
What you've written is an appalling way to deal with the issue and dangerously ignorant about sexual abuse. It's the kind of response I'd have expected schools to adopt in the 70s! There is a strong possibility (though not certain) that the girl in question has been/ is currently a victim of abuse to act in such a way. To respond by humiliating that child or threatening with eternal damnation for her behaviour is barbaric.

The Head is likely to be on holiday and not available. I've said this already. If he's abroad or somewhere else in the UK there is nothing he can do until he gets home

HT are not on term time only contracts. They are employed to be responsible for day to day running of the school all year round.
When they are on holiday, and unavailable, there should be arrangements put in place for cover.
Schools require managing 24/7 365 days a year - not just when the DCs are there.

This is a sexual assault. Its really sad if anyone here is minimising that because the victim was a boy and not a girl - how can you justify that in your mind?

I can see no evidence of minimisation on the grounds of the victim being the boy. It's the ages of the children that is pertinent. Advising against contacting the school now does not mean that the OP should do nothing. Action should certainly be taken to support the OP's son and also to investigate where the abusive behaviour is coming from.

Laguna I just know how this thread would have gone if the victim was a girl. But because the victim is a boy it's stayed calm.

The headteacher is not going to be able to investigate this during the holiday.

Contact the nspcc - a child doing that is likely to be a victim of abuse themselves. Get advice from them. I'm pretty sure social services would be involved with that.

It's a good idea to inform the headteacher of what you have done after the event of course. He can pick up the agencies afterwards.

Loopy, what a well chosen username.

For those saying what do you expect the head to do, well I'd expect him to do his bloody job, of which safeguarding the physical and emotional wellbeing of the children under his care is an important part. You know those teacher training days that they have, well safeguarding would be a series of trainings they would be expected to attend during these days. Safeguarding isn't a term time or 9 to 5 activity and there should be a set of well documented procedures that are designed to deal with such serious incidents. The summer holidays would be an excellent time to get the ball rolling, so that when the Op's son returns to school, a plan was already in place.

Again, the alarming way some posters appear to be treating the sexual assault of a child on school premises is unconscionable. You'd think that in the current climate, where historic cases of the sexual abuse of children are finally being dealt with, that we would all be on the same page as to the importance of action. The Op's son may not be the only victim and action now, could stop or prevent another child from going through this.

I would inform the police, especially since the school don't seem to be taking it seriously and won't be able to deal with it during the holidays anyway. I'm not saying the girl should be locked up and the key thrown away, I'm saying the police should be aware of a sexual assault, especially as it may indicate she was abused herself. Or she may simply be a bully who targeted a vulnerable area of his anatomy and the involvement of the authorities will make her realise how inappropriate that was. Either way this needs to be addressed.

If the headteacher was able to look into it, he would be making a referral to social services. The police will do the same.

Thanks for the replies.

Goblin - teaching him how to respond to being sexually assaulted without going to the headteacher, just because he has been helpful this year? Are you joking?

OP, is there an a email address for the chair of governors on the school website?

If so, I would contact him/her about this as you've already informed the HT and got nowhere.

If not, I agree with whoever suggested contacting the NSPCC for advice.

Sorry to offend, do feel a bit bitter about it. As it happened to me at secondary school, and nothing was done.

These threads baffle me.
If you were walking down the street and a man/woman grabbed your crotch/vagina/boobs and refused to let go you would call the police.

Why do we minimise this shit when it is kids. A five year old maybe but most year five would be ten by this time of year.

I would definately try to get hold of someone at school. If I couldn't I would have a chat with the none emergency police for advice.

Actually NSPCC sounds a good idea.

Just imagine if it had been a girl groped by a boy in school. There would be no posters suggesting leaving it. A child has been potentially sexually assaulted, the sex of the victim and abuser are irrelevant. The head and or chair should be contactable via email, the head may be in school.