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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS touched by a girl

87 replies

StephoooH · 25/07/2016 01:51

My DS was being bullied for his hair colour, a couple of months ago, things were sorted. I'm not really sure if that's relevant as this doesn't seem like it's related, but the headteacher has been really great and like a mentor to him, has been checking in with him everyday. Can't knock him.

I'm really, really, really frustrated that this happened on the last day of term (Friday) as the head didn't seem fussed at all.

DS told me about this incident in the playground, they were doing a dress up day for the last day and DS went as Thing 1, without a thing 2 (unfortunately his friend was unwell) but there was 2 girls the year above who did the same thing. The girl 'Thing 2' was following around DS. They don't even know each other, DS is in Yr 4, she is in Yr 5.

DS is quite shy and tried to avoid conversation, but she was very persistent and ended up aggressively touching him in an inappropriate way. If that makes sense, really no need to go TMI.

I phoned up the head, who said that he hadn't checked in with DS as it was the last day, which wasn't even the issue, but he seems to think that if he would have checked in with DS it wouldn't have happened so was too focused on that.

I'm not really sure what to do...

I would have posted this on Friday, but then DD got ill . Any advice would be great

OP posts:
Ebony69 · 25/07/2016 07:48

And the police are unlikely to take action, quite rightly, due to the age of the 'perpetrator', rather than the fact that the victim is a boy.

LynetteScavo · 25/07/2016 07:49

What do you all think the police will do that the school won't?

Sparklingbrook · 25/07/2016 07:54

I don't know of any school here that would have staff in now and would be replying to emails the first week of the 6 week break.
If by chance the head did reply there would be nothing they could do right now anyway.

Maybe send the email and see what happens. If it doesn't get picked up until they go back then there's not much you can do.

BaggyAndWrinkled · 25/07/2016 08:02

OP, take action. Send an email ASAP so that there's a chance someone relevant may read it. Ask around in your parent social group - a parent governor will be known to someone and that governor should have the details of the Chair. A Chair will have contact details for the Head.

user7755 · 25/07/2016 08:03

I'm Shock at some of the replies on here. Essentially minimising what is a sexual assault, it's not the 80s anymore, kids don't have to put up with being assaulted because most of the world have woken up and realised that it is wrong.

Sadly I don't think there is anything that can be done over the summer (perhaps other than log it with the police but I guess they can't really do anything at the moment

MeMySonAndl · 25/07/2016 08:19

Send an email. Whoever picks it up, will have the emergency contact details of the head.

Don't enter into details, just say that your son has been sexually assaulted at school and you would like to speak to the head before you contact the police.

Schools have staff popping around, they are never totally closed for the lenght of 6 weeks. They won't be dealing with non-urgent queries, but I'm pretty sure that you will hear back from them pretty soon considering the nature of the issue.

BaggyAndWrinkled · 25/07/2016 08:21

And if ANYONE tries to minimise this (be it the Head, other staff, fucking dinner lady on duty, child's parents if they become involved, you firmly ask them how they'd feel if the gender roles were reversed.

Sorry about the swearing - I'm Angry because I was touched up on the school yard at the same age and whilst it didn't alter my existence (as far as I know), the memory of it is
Strong and often creeps back in.

BaggyAndWrinkled · 25/07/2016 08:24

Actually OP, one sure way of getting the Head to contact you is to phone your Local Education Authority today and ask to speak to the Chief Education officer for them
To contact the Head for you.

IJustAteTheKidsFoodAgain · 25/07/2016 08:25

Absolutely contact the school, and the police if no reply. I hope action is taken, the problem I think youre most likely to face is acceptance because of which way the genders are, and that's not right

PotteringAlong · 25/07/2016 08:29

Actually OP, one sure way of getting the Head to contact you is to phone your Local Education Authority today and ask to speak to the Chief Education officer for them
To contact the Head for you.

Unless it's an academy then it no longer has anything to do with the Local Education Authority.

fourkids · 25/07/2016 08:30

TBH I'm not sure what I'd be doing in this situation (except I wouldn't be involving the police) so not going to get into that, but wanted to say that if you wanted to complain through/to the school now the holidays have started, you could call the LEA (call the council and ask them who you need).

UnexpectedBaggage · 25/07/2016 08:37

Most HTs head off on holiday as soon as the schools break up and use the rest of the time the schools are closed to prepare for the next term so it's quite likely that the HT isn't around.

As I said, leave a message to get in touch on his return.

BaggyAndWrinkled · 25/07/2016 08:38

Yes, Pottering, fair point.

Ebony69 · 25/07/2016 08:41

But what would you expect the Head to do at this stage? Other than notifying social services?

branofthemist · 25/07/2016 08:41

And the police are unlikely to take action, quite rightly, due to the age of the 'perpetrator', rather than the fact that the victim is a boy.

This is incorrect. If she is in year five, she is likely 10. So they will do something. Even if she was under 10 they would possibly visit and speak to her and her parents.

The age of criminal responsibility in England and Wales in 10. However police can still intervene of the cooks is less than 10

branofthemist · 25/07/2016 08:43

However police can still intervene of the cooks is less than 10

That should say

However police can still intervene if the age is less than 10

youarenotkiddingme · 25/07/2016 08:46

I'd contact police to have it reported and on record.

A child pulled a knife on DS and it was reported. I asked that no charges were brought but felt that police needed to be aware of potential problems involving the child. If they do something like it again in years to come then it becomes a pattern not one off inappropriateness.

The police weren't interested TBH. Just told me school dealt with it correctly (even though school changed story and lied that police were involved) but in your case if school haven't dealt with it having police turn up will spur them into taking it seriously.

Also if police are involved then child can get support through victim support. They have good services for children including helpful websites.

I hope your DS is ok.

Ebony69 · 25/07/2016 08:48

Bran, I'm aware of the age of criminal responsibility and that's why I've said they're 'unlikely' to. They will still have discretion as they do in all cases.

RedHelenB · 25/07/2016 08:50

You need to make sure that your ds tells someone AT THE TIME. Very difficult to do anything about it now as others have said because the children are not in school to be spoken to. Did any other children see anything?

davos · 25/07/2016 08:51

Bran, I'm aware of the age of criminal responsibility and that's why I've said they're 'unlikely' to. They will still have discretion as they do in all cases.

He was sexually assaulted. I would say they are likely to do at least 'something'.

Same as my daughters bully was charged at 10.

CitySnicker · 25/07/2016 08:59

I would say there would very likely be someone around first week of the holidays..they may not answer the phone though. I would suggest going to the school. If the head isn't there, people in prepping classes or the janitor will no doubt be able to contact him. Make sure you go between 9 and 3 to be sure. Of course, the head might be away..in which case, phone local council Edu dept.

Isetan · 25/07/2016 09:06

The Op's son was SEXUALLY ASSAULTED at school! Some of the replies have been extraordinary, not being taken seriously is the reason that so many don't report sexual assault. The Op has a son who had the courage to tell (isn't this what we should encourage children to do) and the responsibility of adults, is to act.

The education system doesn't completely shut down during the summer holidays, the LEA will have the HT and the DHT contact details. This is far too serious to be left for six weeks. In addition, contact the NSPCC for advice on supporting your son and yourself.

BaggyAndWrinkled · 25/07/2016 09:09

But what would you expect the Head to do at this stage? Other than notifying social services?

I'd just feel a bit better about knowing that the Head is aware tbh and that while school is 'out' so to speak, it's something that will be addressed when everyone returns. At least it's an indication that a wheel is in motion.

Loopy22 · 25/07/2016 09:12

A child I know goes to a religious school. If behaviour like this happens the young individual in question are made to write a statement explaining there actions. They then have to read it out to the whole of the teaching staff. Some schools in Europe would out rightly say to this little girl " carry on like that and your going straight to hell". Works every time.

BaggyAndWrinkled · 25/07/2016 09:12

NSPCC is a good idea I think - they'll be able to give practical advice and at the very least, OP will have some validation that she isn't over-reacting.

YY to the PP who says about encouraging our DC to tell an adult when something like this happens. How fucking depressing that some here feel that the answer is to do nothing.