Play scheme worker forced DS into her car

[Longlost10]

My 8 yo DS is in a holiday playscheme, there are two workers there I know. I employ the first one to drive DS home for me at the end of the day. The second one is her boss.

Two days ago, the first one was called away by a family emergency, and unable to drive DS home. The second one made him get into her car against his will, and she drove him home.

I rang her up that night, very very angry. I have taught DS never to get into anyone's car without my express permission, even if he knows them. He was very distressed, and said he had tried to resist and argue, but she had irresistibly over ruled him and forced him in.

When I spoke to the second worker on Friday, she got very offended, and said she thought she was doing a favour for a friend. I am however going to make a formal complaint. She probably was a friend, of sorts, we have been using that play scheme for years,and got to know each other well.

Even so, AIBU to think she should have rung me, and given me the option of leaving work early as a one off emergency, or giving DS permission to get in her car

[KoalaDownUnder]

I thought the 'safe word' thing was for going with someone you didn't know. Not, like, your Aunty, or your best friend's mum. Or the woman who looks after you all day.

Telling your 8-year-old child never to get in a car with anyone, without your express permission, is scaremongering silliness of the highest order.

[Sunshineonacloudyday]

Some of the reply's are shocking hasn't anybody heard of safe guarding he is an 8 year old boy. The playscheme should have called you and given you the option its their duty and part of their job they are not friends.

Telling your 8-year-old child never to get in a car with anyone, without your express permission, is scaremongering silliness of the highest order.

REALLY are you serious there is nothing wrong with boundaries children want it.

[amarmai]

Either of the two workers shd have called you and you cd have talked to them and your son. This shd not have happened. Perhaps you can get assurance that in future they will contact you and not force your son to be in a sit that he has been taught is not safe.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Yes, I am dead serious, Sunshine.

The 'boundaries' children want refers to discipline and structure. It has nothing to
do with this.

[amarmai]

I wd use role play with my dc to re enact what happened and brain storm what he cd do if this sit were to happen with someone who meant him ill. As it stands he does not know what to think about what you have taught him. Help him process that this happened by mistake as there was an emergency and the workers did not think about calling you. Wd you consider him having a phone so he has a way to feel safer?

[FuriousFate]

The playscheme should have called you and given you the option its their duty and part of their job they are not friends.

Definitely. I've covered safeguarding in many countries but pointing out upthread that (a) the contingency was the OP herself as parent, and (b) there are obvious protocols in place regarding what to do with an uncollected child, designed to protect all parties, got me branded a drama llama

Imagine what would happen if this were a school...

Child's regular caretaker can't collect.
School calls parent.
Parent collects or arranges for someone else to collect. Child is informed of who this is.

OR

Child's regular caretaker can't collect.
Child is yelled and yelled at by a teacher until he gets into their car. Child is then driven by teacher with no one else in the know about his whereabouts. His parents haven't given permission and his regular caretaker is none the wiser as she is dealing with an emergency.

In many countries, forcing a child into a car like that, against their will, would be considered abduction.

[TheMaddHugger]

FuriousFate Exactly.

Who do you all think kidnap kids, It is rarely a stranger. RARELY

besides this lady could have had a car accident. and she had NO permission to drive the child. That's a legal minefield alone

A phone call to the OP would have avoided all this angst

((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) OP. stay Firm.

[APlaceOnTheCouch]

Furious but you missed option 3 which is actually what happened ie child's caretaker couldn't collect and authorised someone else to do so.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Oh fgs. Talk of kidnapping is ridiculous.

If we're talking statistics: yes, it's rarely a stranger who kidnaps kids. It's just as rarely their child care worker.

It's usually one of their own parents, in a custody dispute.

[LynetteScavo]

Maybe the OP is earning money to support her child nutella while she's at work. Just a thought.

I would be concerned about the play workers lack of child protection knowledge. Anyone who works with children should know best practice wasn't happening here.

[Believeitornot]

I think your anger is misplaced. The playscheme as an organisation haven't really done anything wrong, but your pick up person has done. She had no contingency plan (which is also your fault). I think all of you have messed up tbh - you for not being specific with worker1, worker1 for not calling you or having a clear back up plan, the boss for not calling you and the playscheme for not having rules about staff doing private work for parents.
^This

You were a bit silly op as were the other adults.

[UnexpectedBaggage]

So this woman did you a favour and you're going to get her sacked?

She made an error of judgement in trying to be helpful.

Maybe you should quit work and look after your own DCs,

[LynetteScavo]

And we'll done to Longlosts DS for being so sensible.

[callherwillow]

Everyone insisting OP is BU seems to act as if we have been transported back in time to the 70s.

Phones.

A quick phone call, - hi there, X can't drop DS off tonight, is it ok if Y does it.'

Sorted.

THAT'S where they went wrong.

[trufflehunterthebadger]

The situation the OP described is worryingly dangerous

What a hysterical overreaction.

Worryingly dangerous would be a small child playing unsupervised near a bonfire, a child climbing on the ledge outside a window on the 4th floor, a baby left alone in a car on the hottest day of the year, three children left in the care of a paedophile (yes, all calls to the police I have taken),

It most emphatically is not a playworker having a family emergency and delegating the driving home of a child to her boss.

I think some of you need to get some perspective on life

[SofiaAmes]

YANBU
My dd is 13, has her own smartphone and Ubers all over town herself. She still has the instruction to check in with me before getting into anyone's car, even if it's someone I know. It's just wise and in dd's case, it makes her feel secure to know that I know where she is all the time.
In addition her summer camp director always checks with me before she leaves in someone else's car even if it's someone she knows. It's a very normal safeguarding. No different than as an adult, I would not go out clubbing on my own (back when I was young and had energy) and would always check in with friends before going off with someone.

[insancerre]

You can't complain to the play scheme really
The arrangement was with worker 1
She let you down
Worker 2 was trying to do you a favour
Worker 2 should have phoned you but would that have made any difference to your sons behaviour? He wouldn't know that you had been informed of the change in plan and would still have refused to get in the car

[SofiaAmes]

The issue here, is not that the worker did something in and of itself that was dangerous. What she did that was wrong, was to contradict a parent's instructions to her child. I would be more inclined to ask the worker to explain to the child that she should not have encouraged him to disobey his mother's instructions.

[UnexpectedBaggage]

I take it you won't be sending your DC today or ever again, OP, given how untrustworthy they are.

[HeffalumpHistory]

Yes she should have called you but clearly thought she was being nice bringing him home as planned rather than disturbing you over something she probably saw as fairly minor.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I'm sure she'll not be in a hurry to do it again if you've called her up & had a go!

Making a formal complaint is def ott & tbh I think you need to get a grip!!

However I hope she apologises to your ds for her intimidating behaviour. That's out of order.

[IceMaiden73]

Wow OTT in my opinion

So you are happy for your son to spend all day with this woman, but she does you a favour and brings your son home and you want to report her !

[SavoyCabbage]

Did she know that the first worker was bringing your DS home from the scheme or did she not know until he was left at the end when everyone else was collected?

[Ememem84]

I agree that they should have called you to let you know the situation. But you trust then enough to look after your son during the day. And they have done you a favour - you didn't have to leave work early.

Afaik all play scheme workers are crb checked. Many may be teachers (certainly here a lot of teachers do a few weeks at local play schemes in the summer). By raising a formal complaint you risk said person potentially losing their job.

A friend of mine (a PE teacher) has recently lost her job following an 18 month suspension for something similar. She was with her school netball team after school at a match. It started chucking with rain. One girls parent was late picking up. Teacher couldn't contact them so drove girl home. parent had forgotten. Parent finds out teacher has driven girl home and kicks off at school. My friend has lost all her confidence, has had rumours spread about her and has lost her job. She probably won't work in teaching again. They found she did nothing wrong (they actually said she should have left the child in the rain.....) but because people talk the damage has been done.

Think carefully about making a formal complaint.

[Longlost10]

I take it you won't be sending your DC today or ever again

no, luckily I am part time so have some time to make alternative arrangements without having to be absent from work.

Just to answer some questions, the first worker is a registered childminder, and the contract for her care of DS is formal and legal, she sometimes has him after school too. She is also insured to drive him. She had left in the morning as her grandfather was admitted to hospital. She is very close to him

The second worker is not a child minder; I have no idea what her insurance position is. The second worker's reason for not calling me is her phone was out of credit and out of charge, and the land line was in a different room. She does have my number on her phone, but wasn't sure if she could get it without charging the phone. However, my son knows the organisation I work for, and directory inquiries would have had the number.

Having read the replies on here, I have decided against making a formal complaint. This specific playscheme is one of several run by the same company, so it was the owner of the company I was thinking of going to.