WIBU to patio DH over washing up offences. Light-hearted. Sort of.

[Carrados]

DH does most of the washing up as I cook (time wise that's usually 30-45 mins of my work versus 20mins of him washing up). Most nights, he leaves 1-2 of the big dishes involved in the cooking either on the side or on top of the oven where they've been left after use. Oven and sink 1m away from each other.

AIBU to patio or ltb? I've said it so many fucking times and I don't take any enjoyment being a nag so I'm sometimes left washing the greasy shitty dishes like the wok or pan. This week, he left a pan out there and I'd been working late in the evening. When I saw it the next day it had ants on it. I'm pretty militant about keeping everything packed up so no ants.

How do I encourage him to finish ALL the dishes without whacking him with a shovel? Or do I get him to dig his own patio?

All suggestions gratefully received.

Full marks for using 'patio' as a verb

No idea - but watching with interest.

I would be interested to know if this is normal DH behaviour. In every other way he's brilliant, we split everything else including DD's bedtimes etc 50/50 but this petty one is really getting on my grill and the next time you'll hear about it is on the news.

My dp doesn't do this but I'm quite guilty of it. He does however put glasses and mugs in gross used washing up water when everyone knows you must start with the glasses in fresh water!

Is he leaving it to soak, or just leaving it?

Just leaving it. It's usually either a used wok, slow cooker or oven pan

So when you say "You've missed a pan " what is his response?

Oh another classic was when he left the slow cooker on warm all night with a bit of leftover Hungarian beef goulash in it he said he was going to pack up in the fridge.

Yes that's my fault too. But I mean, honestly.

'I'll make an effor darling' in a pissed off tone.

I've spoken to him directly about it, that it annoys me and I end up doing it. A couple of days after he'll start doing it again. He's got no problems washing anything else, and there is a lot, it is quite literally the bigger dishes that are a mind fuck for him.

Can you leave the pans in the sink so he can't miss them? I tend to miss pans that aren't on the side by the sink

Gizlotsmum that's a good idea.

I'd be saying "I don't want you to to make an effort, I want you to finish the dishes in one go!" But I'm sure you've had that conversation!
Can you share the cooking so he isn't always doing the dishes?

i would leave them in the sink.

i kind of forget stuff i've left on the cooker top, and then when i think i've done, and then spot it, i think fuck it, and leave it.

I would dish up, then immediately soak the dish - so its ready for after dinner washing up.

I have been known to booby trap casserole dishes - they look all innocent on the side and then you open them to find a pharmocological cornucopia.

I enjoy listening to the variety of swears.

It's because they're the biggest, greasiest and dirtiest, and make the sink/sponge dirty and he can't be arsed with the extra cleaning involved.

I do all the dishes in our house but I feel like leaving the grimy ones too. I get it. I don't though, because I'd only be punishing myself

It's just laziness.

Ooh, using patio as a verb, I must try that!

And YANBU, any normal jury would acquit you immediately. He is a lazy knobber who is clearly doing this on purpose to avoid the most difficult to clean items.

He does however put glasses and mugs in gross used washing up water when everyone knows you must start with the glasses in fresh water

My partner does this too and I hate it. But I hate washing up more so I grit my teeth, keep quiet, and rinse every glass before I use it.

Options. He is either not seeing them. Or he is deliberately leaving them.

I suspect he is not seeing them (or you are married to a knob who is choosing to make your life difficult)

After serving put dish in sink to soak whilst you eat. But other cooking bits on side next to sink. All in one place he won't miss them.

Re leaving slow cooker on. If you are the cook then that ones on you. Turn off and put empty pot in sink. Or if left overs (and his job to put in fridge) put pot next to sink where he piles up the washing up before doing it.

Plus buy some of those ant bait systems to keep the blighters down. They really do help