Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset by this woman's attitude on a plane

117 replies

itsgoodtobehome · 22/07/2016 20:41

We flew home from holiday today. It was just me and DS4 on the flight as DH is doing the long drive back tomorrow with all our stuff. We were sat across the aisle from a family of 3 - husband and wife and small baby (I guess about 3 months). When we landed, everyone did the usual standing up to get their stuff out of the lockers. I wasn't in any particular rush, as we had no luggage with us, but of course DS being 4, has to get going, and manages to get himself out into the aisle. The family opposite are getting their stuff together, and the husband then sets off down the aisle. My DS spots the gap/opportunity and goes marching off after him. This means I have to jump up in order to go after him. At this point, the wife who is just holding the baby, but nothing else, says 'can you let me go with my husband'. I look down the aisle to weigh up the situation - DS is now practically at the door, and I'm concerned about him going further and heading off down the steps. So I make a judgement that I need to get to him and say 'sorry - I need to go with my little boy'. At this point, she tuts loudly, rolls her eyes and then shouts down to husband - 'can you wait as this woman won't let me in front of her'.

I was so annoyed. I wasn't trying to get ahead of her - I couldn't care less whether I was the last one off the plane. But I needed to catch up with my DS, and her 3 month old wasn't going to be in any danger by her being separated from her husband for 5 seconds. Once she was reunited with her husband, she was then clearly bitching to him about me. I am irrationally upset about this incident, and I think it's because it felt like she was saying her child was more important than mine, even though hers had no chance of running off anywhere, whereas mine did. Plus she was travelling with her husband, while I was managing it on my own with a 4yo.

AIBU, or was she?

OP posts:
Anandapanda · 22/07/2016 21:54

Please be patient (I'm a flight attendant)
So, the seatbelt signs go off
That is our signal to disarm doors (meaning we switch off the emergency slide so when we open the door that doesn't shoot out)
Then we have to wait until the airport provides either stairs or a walk airbridge
Only then can you leave the plane, preferably in a polite and orderly fashion. You still have to wait for your baggage in the airport

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 22/07/2016 21:59

People saying you should have held your 4 yo's hand at all times must be assuming you are an octopus - how would you get the hand luggage down from the overhead locker while holding a 4 yo's hand?

I've flown alone with a 3 and a 1 yo and luckily neither tried to bolt in that situation, but obviously I couldn't have held on to them both whilst simultaniously getting my luggage down (or putting it up).

I think the people saying it was her "D" H swanning off and leaving her holding the baby that she was actually angry with but didn't want to lash out at the person she was going to have to go home with, might be on to something though!

MrsJoeyMaynard · 22/07/2016 22:03

Bit harsh there, HowToChooseAUserName

Yes, ideally OP would have been able to keep her DS near her. But small children can be slippery little creatures, especially if they're determined to be off somewhere.

Yes, other mum will of course care more about her baby than someone else's child. But I'd expect most people who were aware that OPs child had run ahead to understand that OP would need to catch him. Other mum's child was in other mum's arms and in no danger. Other mum wasn't likely to be majorly inconvenienced by being separated from her DH by another minute or two.

And once OP's DS had run off, what else was OP to do? Let him exit the plane alone and hope he'd have the sense to stay put at the bottom of the steps, while OP politely let everyone else exit ahead of her?

NoMudNoLotus · 22/07/2016 22:11

What a bunch of judgmental unkind people on here.

4yr olds are like a box of frogs. I'm taking it that all those of you with your YABUs are totally on the ball all of the time and have been perfect in your parenting.

No? I thought not .

Ifeelsuchafool · 22/07/2016 22:30

Absolutely agree with NoLotus. All these mums with perfect toddlers, never run off anywhere, always perfectly in control. Who would have thought, eh? She was being a total drip, OP, can't stand at the hip, can't cope for a moment on their own, special snowflakes.

GnomeDePlume · 22/07/2016 22:33

If you know your child to be a bolter then use reins

Original poster
itsgoodtobehome · 22/07/2016 22:38

Thanks again for your comments. To all those who have said that I should have had a better control over my ds - yes, I hold my hands up to that, but that is slightly missing the point of the thread. I generally find that when travelling with small children, there is a kind of 'parent code' whereby anyone in a similar situation looks at each other with a weary expression saying - 'yep, I know what you're going through', and also can be quite supportive. Actually, me and my ds were even entertaining this woman's baby on the flight by waving at him and pulling silly faces. So I then just feel like she didn't help my situation when I (clearly failed in my parenting duties) and needed a bit of fellow parental understanding. If her child had been in any danger, then I would accept that it's every man for himself, but her child was safely held in her arms.

Anyway, I am over it now - but enjoying reading the responses on here!!

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 22/07/2016 22:39

You lost you with your "managing it on your own" comment.
Going on a plane with one child is not really managing anything, is it? Hmm
I think she was mean if she was bitching about you... but your reaction to that is really OTT.
Some random was less than understanding on a plane. Big deal. Why do you still care?

PurpleTango · 22/07/2016 22:46

You allowed your child to head off the plane without you and it is another passengers fault. Ok...!

GnomeDePlume · 22/07/2016 22:47

OP, were you perfectly understanding of parents with 4 year olds when your DS was a few months old?

youshouldcancelthecheque · 22/07/2016 22:47

You let your child run off.

HeyRobot · 22/07/2016 22:48

I never understand why questions like this get so many 'get over it' replies. Doesn't everyone have moments that bother them, even if it's irrational?

SloppyDailyMailJournalism · 22/07/2016 22:56

She'll think if you when she has a runaway four year old, OP. YANBU

Graceymac · 22/07/2016 22:56

In fairness to the OP, she was probably engaged in other activities such as taking luggage out of the overhead locker, picking up bags from under her seat etc. I do think she is being treated unfairly by some here. I would have no issues allowing another passenger go in front of me if their child had entered the aisle.

honeylulu · 22/07/2016 22:59

Something similar happened to me but on an airport bus. A couple of women barged in front of me and my husband (toddler slightly ahead as we struggled with bags) and ignored us when we said excuse me and tried to explain . I called out "can someone grab that child, these people won't let us through! " (with deliberate hint of hysteria). Parted like the Red Sea, they did.

Original poster
itsgoodtobehome · 22/07/2016 23:00

Oh my goodness - yes my child went off. It was nobody's fault but mine. I am talking about what happened afterwards. Asking for understanding from a fellow parent. So all you perfect parents out there - if your child ran off somewhere (which of course they never would because they are as perfect as you), you would happily accept that no-one would help them or you as it was your fault Confused??

OP posts:
bumsexatthebingo · 22/07/2016 23:07

Its not that my kids wouldn't have run off it's that if they had gone ahead of everyone trying to get off first I'd have called them back rather than squeezing through to get to them and letting them get off earlier than others. The woman may have had a bit of a tut and a moan to her dp but it's really not the end of the world. I think I would have forgotten about it by the time I'd got my baggage.

catkind · 22/07/2016 23:16

I doubt the child would even have heard the OP if she tried to call him back in a busy disembarking plane. Anyway, you don't just rely on their perfect behavior in an unfamiliar situation when safety is an issue, you grab them, as quick as you can.
OP, YANBU at all from here.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 23/07/2016 00:03

If Im carrying my child and he is not as risk in anyway shape or form then someone else's child who is takes priority of my wishes and desires.

SloppyDailyMailJournalism · 23/07/2016 01:28

It wasn't your fault - he ran off - they do at that age.

Similarly, she is probably sleep deprived and with a child who can't actually walk yet, can't understand that.

She was massively unreasonable, but probably through ignorance rather than contempt.

kali110 · 23/07/2016 01:45

Why do people keep mentioning op's lugguage? She said she didn't have any!
Just her and ds.

I think yabu to the woman. Why should she care about you and your son? You're nothing to her.
You care about your son, she cares about her family.
I'd be pissed if someone pushed in front of me and in between my partner ( i'd be more pissed if he decided to leave me dealing with everything!) as i wouldn't be able to manage the luggage on my own.
Just forget about it, the grand scheme of things this is nothing!
Sure the woman has forgotten too.

VioletBam · 23/07/2016 02:20

I can't say either were unreasonable really but you definitely should not let a four year old stand in the aisle when it's landed. Stupidity.

Alasalas2 · 23/07/2016 02:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Longlost10 · 23/07/2016 04:22

She'll think if you when she has a runaway four year old, OP

how do you get a runaway four year old exactly? runaway 2 year old, I could understand, if your attention slips for a few moments. Not a 4 year old though.

It wasn't your fault - he ran off - they do at that age

no they don't. Who are all these parents who have 4 year olds they can't call back? Unless he is deaf or something.

while I was managing it on my own with a 4yo

what's to manage? You flew home because it was the luxury option? If you think it is too much for you, join your husband in the car next time.

I'm a single mum, we could never afford a car, or a plane, so every holiday we ever went on involved me alone with DC on long coach journeys, 24 hours being standard, it was fine, because my DC did as they were told.
YABU, control your child.

takingsooty · 23/07/2016 06:06

Air travel makes lots of people bored & crabby.
Your DS should've waited for you, her DH should've waited for her. Neither did.
Next time, roll your eyes and forget about it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread