to be upset by this woman's attitude on a plane

[itsgoodtobehome]

We flew home from holiday today. It was just me and DS4 on the flight as DH is doing the long drive back tomorrow with all our stuff. We were sat across the aisle from a family of 3 - husband and wife and small baby (I guess about 3 months). When we landed, everyone did the usual standing up to get their stuff out of the lockers. I wasn't in any particular rush, as we had no luggage with us, but of course DS being 4, has to get going, and manages to get himself out into the aisle. The family opposite are getting their stuff together, and the husband then sets off down the aisle. My DS spots the gap/opportunity and goes marching off after him. This means I have to jump up in order to go after him. At this point, the wife who is just holding the baby, but nothing else, says 'can you let me go with my husband'. I look down the aisle to weigh up the situation - DS is now practically at the door, and I'm concerned about him going further and heading off down the steps. So I make a judgement that I need to get to him and say 'sorry - I need to go with my little boy'. At this point, she tuts loudly, rolls her eyes and then shouts down to husband - 'can you wait as this woman won't let me in front of her'.

I was so annoyed. I wasn't trying to get ahead of her - I couldn't care less whether I was the last one off the plane. But I needed to catch up with my DS, and her 3 month old wasn't going to be in any danger by her being separated from her husband for 5 seconds. Once she was reunited with her husband, she was then clearly bitching to him about me. I am irrationally upset about this incident, and I think it's because it felt like she was saying her child was more important than mine, even though hers had no chance of running off anywhere, whereas mine did. Plus she was travelling with her husband, while I was managing it on my own with a 4yo.

AIBU, or was she?

[flumpybear]

I'd have said sorry no my child is in danger - ignore her, if they were that bothered perhaps her husband shouldn't have gone off without her!!
Btw I have a 4yo DS and he runs off too at times so I feel for you

[53rdAndBird]

Could the other woman not have called her husband back, if she needed to be next to him so badly? Maybe she should keep him on reins in the future.

[Highlandfling80]

Wow harsh replies here. I have an almost 4 year old and sadly she does run off at times. I am clearly a bad parent who can't control her. Maybe she needs permanent reins. The other woman was bu. Her child was safe but your child potentially wasn't so you take priority.

[VashtaNerada]

Ah but Highland clearly yours and the OP's 4yos are clearly defective unlike the perfect robot children some of the other posters have, who always obey instructions and are pragmatic and sensible after a flight

[londonrach]

Both of you were being unreasonable but sounds like you both in a stressful situation. Her dh shouldnt have just walked off (bet she was more upset with him than you) and im surprised at 4 you couldnt call back or ask ds to wait. However forget this situation just relax and enjoy your holiday.

[blinkowl]

What ridiculous responses. Are the people here saying the OP is U for allowing her DS to run off actally parents?

Children run off sometimes. They're not fucking robots or trained monkeys. Nor can parents be expected to control their every waking move. Even with the best will in the world, children will occasionally give you the slip.

OP ignore the people saying you were unreasonable for letting him run off when you have clearly explained he took you by surprise. Having a go at people seems to be sport for certain people who hang out in AIBU.

[Rarotonga]

You did what anybody would in catching up with your little boy.
It really annoys me when adults can't cope with being separated for a short time in situations like this. I've been tutted at a few times for getting on the escalator at train or tube stations and "splitting up" families, with passive aggressive shouts of "I'll see you at the top, wait for me won't you" or similar. I ignore, if that's a big thing to them I just think they're lucky in life.

[eurochick]

You were both BU. You should have stopped your son from running off. Once he did she should have let you run after him regardless of the usual practice of letting groups disembark together.

[blinkowl]

eurochick are you a parent? Don't tell me your DC have never run off?!

How on earth is the OP U for being taken by surprise by her DS running off? It's not as if she was encouraging him to do it or not paying attention to him at all.

Sometimes DC take us by surprise.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

I would just move on from it.

Am used to this scenario as DD runs off and can't call her back do have to charge after her.

Guess some people are judging me very harshly on this.

Some way OTT responses here, worse than the woman's.

[Loafingaround]

Just remember it (sounds like) her first baby, you feel as if the world should watch out for you and your DC - this woman is in this weird dimension of being so in love with her precious baby that obviously is more important than any other child ever- crossed with being so tired/emotional- probably her first time flying too so very on edge. My DS near 3 would definitely be up and away like a shot if saw an opportunity like that so understand completely- those who say better control him have clearly never had an extremely hyperactive, fast DS!

[mum2Bomg]

I think you did the right thing. Why can't people be just a tiny bit more empathetic?

[PenelopeChipShop]

I agree with Loafing, I remember with my pfb I was so anxious and going anything with him for the first time magnified it.

I now have a 4yo AND a 3 month old! In that situation I definitely would have seen that you needed to chase your DS and given you a wry smile. Four years ago I wouldn't have got it.

She will realise she was an idiot in future!

[PenelopeChipShop]

Though to clarify I definitely still wouldn't have tutted at you! I just think she's in her own world at the moment and lacking empathy for anyone else!

[DesolateWaist]

Is it possible that she didn't realise you were chasing after your DS?
I imagine that she was so busy getting ready to get her baby off the plane that she didn't notice that you had a child with you or that he had done a runner.

She might have just thought that you wouldn't let her go in front as you were being difficult, not that you were chasing a child.

[blinkowl]

"Aibu is getting more and more stupid. And boring."

Isn't it. So many small minded people hanging about just waiting to stick the boot in any chance they get.

I reckon there should be a code of conduct on MN. If you're not a parent you're very welcome to join in discussions but criticising other people's parenting should be off limits till you've done it yourself!

Obviously not very easily enforceable, but I still reckon it should be a thing.

[trafalgargal]

Yes you should have held on your four year old , yes once he had bolted you had to get after him quickly, yes she was probably in a strop cos she has a bolter too (her husband) and you caught the flack -however YABU to complain that another Mother thought her child was more important than theirs as ALL Mothers think their own child is more important than anyone elses . It's a primitive instinct designed to ensure a child is always protected..

[trufflehunterthebadger]

Why didn't you call your ds back? It's not a big deal really.

I guess you have a magical child that always does as they were told, even when you are half a plane length away and unable to stop them.

[insancerre]

I that nk the op is unreasonable to allow her child to run off down the aisle and not call him back

I work with 4 year olds and have done for 25+ years, so have met hundreds of them

I think 4 year olds are more than capable of following instructions and stopping when they are told to. Then op should have instructions d her son to stasstasy with her on the plane and if he's not capable of following instructions then she should have had more control of him.
An unsupervised child on the steps of a plane could have caused an accident.

That's why the op feels upset with the other mother. She realism she wasn't in control of the situation, like she should have been and is projecting her feelings of inadequacy on to the other woman and blaming her. If the child had hurt himself of somebody else, the poor woman with the baby would have made a perfect scapegoat to blame
Op yabu

[53rdAndBird]

the poor woman with the baby

Who, let's not forget, was temporarily separated from her husband by about ten yards while getting off a plane. OH THE SUFFERING!

AIBU is really getting ridiculous these days.

[catkind]

Insancerre, maybe he would have come back if he had even heard Op calling. Would you rely on good behaviour in a noisy unfamiliar situation to keep one of your charges safe? Certainly hope not for your Ofsted rating's sake. OP has held her hands up to making a mistake letting him get away in the first place, that's not the question here.

[blinkowl]

"I work with 4 year olds and have done for 25+ years, so have met hundreds of them"

Ha fucking ha.

Are you a parent? If so you should know full well that being a parent is totally different to working with DC.

In a work situation the DC are your only concern. You and them are usually in a predictable, familiar and safe environment. If you go out it's planned and risk assesed. If you are too ill to work you stay home. You get breaks and get to go home and sleep when you want. Heck you get a whole evening off every night and every weekend!

As a parent your job doesn't have breaks. You often can't sleep when you want and still have to step up to the job even if you're shattered or sick. Plus you look after the children at the same time as doing a zillion other things that need your attention and often in unfamiliar and unpredictable environments where you and even the DC themselvea have no idea of how they will act or what is expected of them. Having the luxury of being able to give the DC your focussed attention at all times is the preserve of childcare workers, part time "Disney parents" and people who can afford and choose outsource the majority of the parenting to other people.

Being a parent means juggling a zillion things and sometimes children run off!

If you don't understand this you are doing a disservice to the patents whose DC you loom after IMO.

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

I work with 4 year olds and have done for 25+ years, so have met hundreds of them

I worked with 4 year olds for a few years and have met hundreds of them too.

My 4yo was still a bolter and wouldn't listen sometimes if in a new and exciting situation.

In work my only job was to look after the kids, with my own dc I have to juggle a million other things too.

The op isn't inadequate at all, she is a normal parent who simply took her eyes off her child for 5 seconds.

The op also isn't a sanctimonious arse.

[TheDuchyOfGrandFenwick]

Yanbu once your kid had run off but it shouldn't have got to that really.