to be upset by this woman's attitude on a plane

[itsgoodtobehome]

We flew home from holiday today. It was just me and DS4 on the flight as DH is doing the long drive back tomorrow with all our stuff. We were sat across the aisle from a family of 3 - husband and wife and small baby (I guess about 3 months). When we landed, everyone did the usual standing up to get their stuff out of the lockers. I wasn't in any particular rush, as we had no luggage with us, but of course DS being 4, has to get going, and manages to get himself out into the aisle. The family opposite are getting their stuff together, and the husband then sets off down the aisle. My DS spots the gap/opportunity and goes marching off after him. This means I have to jump up in order to go after him. At this point, the wife who is just holding the baby, but nothing else, says 'can you let me go with my husband'. I look down the aisle to weigh up the situation - DS is now practically at the door, and I'm concerned about him going further and heading off down the steps. So I make a judgement that I need to get to him and say 'sorry - I need to go with my little boy'. At this point, she tuts loudly, rolls her eyes and then shouts down to husband - 'can you wait as this woman won't let me in front of her'.

I was so annoyed. I wasn't trying to get ahead of her - I couldn't care less whether I was the last one off the plane. But I needed to catch up with my DS, and her 3 month old wasn't going to be in any danger by her being separated from her husband for 5 seconds. Once she was reunited with her husband, she was then clearly bitching to him about me. I am irrationally upset about this incident, and I think it's because it felt like she was saying her child was more important than mine, even though hers had no chance of running off anywhere, whereas mine did. Plus she was travelling with her husband, while I was managing it on my own with a 4yo.

AIBU, or was she?

[mouldycheesefan]

Forget it.
Read the thread in classics about threads people didn't start, it's refreshing and funny.

[AppleMagic]

Ignore the perfect parents on here whose four year olds are always well behaved and never exercise selective deafness in exciting situations.

[ailith]

OP:
I imagined your child was much older but as an under-five he should have been under your control! The other woman had a young baby and I would have let her move ahead of me. Your child should have been with you.

[MrsJoeyMaynard]

I'd have done the same as you in that position. It's clearly not ideal - in an ideal scenario the 4 yr old would be sticking to you like glue - but once he'd bolted, I'd be after him as quick as possible in case he ran off outside the plane and got himself into bother.

[Lilaclily]

I agree with applemagic
She sounds stressed and pissed off with her thoughtless dh

[Lorelei76]

Did she even realise that your DS had gone ahead?

[Graceymac]

My dds would do exactly the same! I agree that those who are saying you should have managed your child better are quite unrealistic in their expectations of the behaviour of a 4 yr old, sometimes they run away! This woman sounds like a pain in the a*, and probably probably behaves in this entitled manner on a daily basis. I wouldn't occupy your mind with her any more.

[Funnyface1]

In my opinion you should have been more responsible with your child. I admit that once he had "run off" your need to go ahead was greater than hers but it shouldn't have come to that if you were in control of him. Disembarking a plane is an area where I wouldn't let my small child get even the smallest opportunity to get separated from me and be in harm's way.

[PersianCatLady]

She was BU but perhaps you shouldn't have let your son run off. Also some people get very precious about their whole family staying together when they are travelling. You never have to see this woman again so don't let this tiny event spoil the memory of a great holiday.

[Waltermittythesequel]

You're being a drama queen. Why are you even still thinking about this?

She was being a bit of a dick. You shouldn't allow your 4 year old to run off down the plane. Unless he's The Flash, you could have stopped him.

All in all, a real non-issue.

[swelchphr]

She was BU, but maybe she didn't see your son. Either way, I have an almost 4 y/o son and I could see this happening and would have done exactly the same.

[Heidi42]

OP YADNBU my dear but yabu in feeling upset over the stupid woman ...forget it now

[Italiangreyhound]

She was being unreasonable but don't think any more about it. Let it go.

[SparkleSoiree]

To be honest, those situations can be chaotic with lots of people getting up, pulling bags down, etc. With that in mind, if DS was sitting on my lap, I would have had my arm tight around him to prevent him going anywhere. In actual fact, I probably would have told him to remain in his seat until I said he could get out because I wouldn't be able to stand up and get bags down with a 4yr old on my lap.

So yes, an unpleasant exchange, but as your situation with DS could have been managed better thereby preventing any exchange with the woman, YABU.

[Blu]

She probably wasn't bitching about you, she was probably chewing off her DH's ear for marching off without her. Though quite why she needed to be shackled to him for the short journey between seat and door, I can't imagine.

People are weird. She had probably had an unrelaxing holiday.

[HeyRobot]

Maybe give yourself a break - I imagine you're dwelling on the whole thing because it was a stressful moment and you're replaying it to try and work out what went wrong.

You did the right thing.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

under-five he should have been under your control! The other woman had a young baby and I would have let her move ahead of me. Your child should have been with you

You would seriously ignore the fact that a 4yo was near the plane exit potentially about to walk out of it before you could get to him in in order to be polite to someone else? On the basis that oh well you dropped the ball so fuck the consiquences.

Wow

[UterusUterusGhali]

I had a "bolter" so I get where you're coming from.
I just used to frantically call him so people could see I was trying to get to a child. (It happened quite a lot, not on planes though. In crowds.)

[anotherdayanothersquabble]

She was wrong. You needed to follow your child. Chalk it down to stress and move on.

I remember travelling with my three children (4,6 and 8) and had queued to be near the front when they called 'families with children' forward. A woman with a non walking baby, travelling with her husband and what was either a relative or au pair, attempted to push in front of me. I gave her a Paddington bear hard stare and she backed off realising how ridiculous she was being when her husband declined to follow her.

Sometimes you are just so sure you are in the right and other people should put your needs first that you are completely blind to anyone else's needs.

(I was travelling on a train with my 3 and they were bored having been travelling for 16 hours, I put an audiobook on low for them and told the nearby passengers I would turn it off if it bothered them, not really meaning it. When one asked me to turn it off, I suggested she move to the quiet carriage, but did turn it off huffing slightly, she was right, I was wrong but part of me did think she was being a tad unreasonable!)

[Rainbunny]

Vashta - Do tell! ;)

[PastaLaFeasta]

I have a bolter (probably ADHD in fact) so understand, although many will judge you for not being able to control the child at all times, because they are oh so perfect parents. The woman was being a precious entitled twit. Hopefully the tiny baby will be a fellow bolter and she'll be in the same situation in a few years - and so the cycle continues. I would've just retorted 'can you let me go with my son - who is far less able to be safely away from me than your husband from you' ('selfish fuckwit' muttered under my breath).

[HowToChooseAUserName]

I am irrationally upset about this incident, and I think it's because it felt like she was saying her child was more important than mine

FFS grow up. This exemplifies why people without children think that people with children behave like entitled sociopaths.

You are totally BU to allow your child to run off down the aisle without you. Your explanation is like a sieve and holds no water. A plane is a small dangerous environment. You should have been in total control of your child and the fact he ran off / had the opportunity to do so is a big failing on your part.

Having done so and got yourself in the situation you were in, you are utterly unreasonable to take issue with the other female passenger. Guess what? her child and her husband ARE more important to her than yours. Can you cope with that shocking information? MOTHER RATES HER OWN CHILD MORE IMPORTANT THAN STRANGERS.

Seriously, grow up; get a grip and honestly try and instill a bit more discipline and exert more control over your child on a plane. Imagine that had been an emergency evacuation situation. By your lax control you could have endangered other people by allowing a child down an evacuation aisle alone.

So yes 200% YABU.

[KP86]

Far out. I have a 2yo "Flash" (as a PP so helpfully said above, and if he wanted to be off, he would have been off. He's bloody quick, too. Nothing much I could do about it. And I would have had to chase him because otherwise you end up with everyone giving you dirty looks for not trying to catch them! 4yo is older of course but at the current rate I am expecting DS to still be the same. It's not necessarily poor parenting, he just has ants in his pants.

The other woman should have calmed the hell down, what difference does it make to her, her DH should have waited until it was clear she could join him (the irony being that he, too, was so keen to get off the plane instead of waiting patiently...)

Try not to worry about it, OP. Nothing you can do either way now.

[LottieDoubtie]

HowToChooseAUserName

Blimey are you having a bad night?

What an exceptionally rude post! The OP did not deserve such vitriol from you.

OP fwiw I think the other mother was in the wrong BUT I mainly think the whole thing is a bit trivial and you are right to just resolve to relax with your holiday messages and forget it.

[53rdAndBird]

Guess what? her child and her husband ARE more important to her than yours.

Suspect the grown adult husband of the angry lady is a teensy bit more able to safely manage on his own than a 4-year-old.