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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To eat cake in front of friends who are on a diet?

101 replies

FireLamp · 21/07/2016 19:17

I made friends with 3 other mums at baby-yoga and we all went for coffee afterwards. In the queue, I recommended the cakes from this particular coffee shop and they all laughed and said they couldn't eat cake as they were trying to lose baby-weight. One added that she is diabetic. They ordered skinny-lattes/flat whites and I ordered a frescato thing with cream and a slice of chocolate cake, without thinking anything of it. I'm underweight and find it hard to gain any, so I always get cake and high-calorie drinks.

They all watched me eat it and kept making slightly sarcastic comments (eg must be nice to be able to eat cake, that cake looks amazing etc) and I started to feel like I'd commited a faux-pass Blush

Was I insensitive? Should I have just ordered a drink? Please be honest, as this is likely to be a weekly thing and I don't want to upset anyone.

If you were on a diet, would it upset you if a friend ate cake in front of you?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 21/07/2016 19:42

Saying that, if no one else ordered food I wouldn't have ordered food and would have just ordered a drink

Really? I can see not getting a starter at a restaurant if the group agreed not to but in a coffee shop I wouldn't hesitate to order a piece of cake. I'd announce I was going to get some in case anyone else was feeling shy about being the only one eating.

MrsDoylesTeaParty · 21/07/2016 19:43

I don't think they were being sarcastic, just genuinely jealous! Grin But they shouldn't have kept commenting when you're the only one eating. When I'm healthy eating I don't care at all what people eat infront of me, infact my ideal situation is to not affect anyone with my restrictions and to not make a big deal of it. And when I'm in cake eating mode, I don't want that heavily focussed on either.

SonicSpotlight · 21/07/2016 19:46

If they were all making 'I'm on a diet' noises I wouldn't order food. I would sit and drink my drink and silently resent them for depriving me of cake.

Peppapogstillonaloop · 21/07/2016 19:48

They were jealous and desperate to eat the cake. No faux pas on your part, but suspect they will do the same next time. Ignore them and eat the cake!! My mum has the same issue and I am constantly trying to feed her cake despite trying to avoid it myself!

gamerwidow · 21/07/2016 19:50

You should eat what you like. When I'm on a diet I don't expect everyone else to go without. It would be different if you were trying to get everyone else to eat cake then banging on about what they were missing when they declined. What you describe is fine.

RufusTheReindeer · 21/07/2016 19:51

Eat what you like Grin

With my friends i seem to have the opposite problem, they say "oooh i am having a cake, what about you?"

And when i say no they say "oh but that means that i can't have one Sad"

Why the fuck should i eat something i dont want to eat just to make you happy!

Farmmummy · 21/07/2016 19:53

Nope the whole point of losing weight is to then readjust your mind to maintain the loss by eating healthy after and enjoying a little of something for a treat so are they never going to eat cake ever again? Eat what you like I have been on diets both for weight loss and since reaching goal and maintaining also for migraines and IBS and never once found it odd someone else eating anything in front of me. Have to say though now I want cake lol

nannybeach · 21/07/2016 19:56

Eat what you like, its like going out and finding you are the only person drinking alcohol!

MrsDoylesTeaParty · 21/07/2016 19:58

Rufus That is so annoying, putting the pressure on the dieter just because they can't cope with doing anything alone.

user1467976192 · 21/07/2016 19:58

Eat your cake and theirs too

WoahSlowDown · 21/07/2016 19:59

You were not rude but they were.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 21/07/2016 20:00

Sonic Starters at a meal and cake at a coffee shop are not comparable at all, people generally don't order a starter if a group aren't as it slows down everyone else's order but in a coffee shop it doesn't effect anyone else.

Op yanbu, they are rude, if it happens again I'd laugh it off but at the same time letting though "I love cake girls so your going to pass comment everytime I eat it we will have no time to talk about anything else" or something similar

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF · 21/07/2016 20:01

They could have asked for a five-calorie nibble! I bet they call cake 'naughty' and wine 'cheeky', too. Yawn!

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 21/07/2016 20:01

You weren't rude. They were. I hate people who comment on someone eating or not eating - I get it all the time, "Why aren't you eating that cake?", I mumble something about gluten and then I have to spend the next half an hour explaining the ins and outs of coeliac to them.

Why can't people just focus on their own plates (or lack thereof?)?!

YANBU, OP.

toadgirl · 21/07/2016 20:02

I need to diet, but wouldn't want a slim friend to go hungry.
Learning to live in the world just as it is (i.e., reality) is part and parcel of dieting.

Furiosa · 21/07/2016 20:03

You should have ordered three other slices of cake.

One after the other. All enjoyed with a smile.

TopazRocks · 21/07/2016 20:03

OP, you did nothing wrong. Your friends were rude. A coffee date with no cake. Pah, what a miserable thought!

It reminds me of years ago, out for a meal with several friends. Only two of us ordered dessert - I was one; the other who is 'nice but dim' was clearly embarrassed - i was slightly too, but chose not to show it. She chuntered on about how she'd not have ordered if she'd known the Queen Bee (every group has a QB, no?) wasn't having dessert. She said thsi several times. I said nothing and chomped through my ice cream (Does anyone have Italian food without ice cream after?), and nobody pointed out she wasn't actually alone as Fatty Topaz was having dessert too. It changed my view of a few folk that night. The ice cream was braw though!

toadgirl · 21/07/2016 20:04

PS: I used to be extremely tall (well, still am!) and very slim (nope, no longer!) and I had sarcastic friends who commented on what I ate.

You couldn't win.

Eat something fattening "ooh, it's alright for some....". Eat something remotely good for you "ooh, watching your weight - some people are so vain, you are already so thin".

Bugger them. Enjoy your cake! Cake

DoreenLethal · 21/07/2016 20:05

eg must be nice to be able to eat cake, that cake looks amazing etc

'Yes I struggle to put weight on, it's a curse'.

Allyoucaneat · 21/07/2016 20:06

I'm trying really hard to lose weight following the slimming world plan. Other people can eat and order what they want around me, I just need to have the willpower to say no. This situation wouldn't bothered me at all.

What does annoy me is when people keen offering me stuff I shouldn't be eating and saying 'oh go on one won't hurt' etc. My colleague who knows how hard I am trying bought me a cupcake from the niace bakery next door and left it on my desk Angry it was so hard to avoid that temptation.

ShebaShimmyShake · 21/07/2016 20:08

Eat what you like and if they're snarky about it, eat them too.

BadToTheBone · 21/07/2016 20:09

Whether I'm in a diet or not it wouldn't bother me if you ate cake. I don't like cake. You should hear the comments I get about that. Bloody hell, get over it!

Katedotness1963 · 21/07/2016 20:10

Eat and drink what you like! I've lost my sweet tooth over the years but I'd feel horrible if I thought I was putting someone else off eating what they fancied.

toadgirl · 21/07/2016 20:14

You should have ordered three other slices of cake

^^ This.

'Yes I struggle to put weight on, it's a curse'

Followed by this ^^^.

Goingtobeawesome · 21/07/2016 20:17

They are making you feel crap to make themselves feel smug.