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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU that mumsnet should intervene in a child protection post?

105 replies

bellybuttonfairy · 21/07/2016 07:44

I've read a couple of worrying threads on here recently. One was when a husband forcefully pushed a child and another very recently where a husband sprayed hairspray into a stepson face as in anger/punishment.

The post really upset me and when I checked the thread has been removed. Imy hoping that mumsnet were able to involve support agencies or do cases like this get lost in the ether of Internet anonominity?

OP posts:
LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF · 21/07/2016 08:29

I love the fact that MN has famous trolls! I've been pretty disappointed this week in that several threads I was following/ hooked on have been deleted - in particular the lady who read her 'cruel and bitter' friend's diary, and the one with the mortgage advisor who made a plaster cast of his bits as a gift.....🙁

MollyTwo · 21/07/2016 08:29

You're sounding sillier by the post. You need to step away from chat forums if you really can't have another perspective - that it might be a troll!

Roussette · 21/07/2016 08:32

Oh no! Lorelei I was going to catch up with those threads this morning and offer my job lot of clay to anyone who wanted to make plaster casts of their DH's knobs!

IRegretNothing · 21/07/2016 08:33

I'm intrigued, what happened when MN intervened on a thread?

wherethewildthingis · 21/07/2016 08:34

difficult woman I'm not naive at all and assure you I have a better idea than most of just how stretched those services are!
Here's the thing - any information suggesting a child is being harmed HAS TO be passed on. It may be part of a bigger picture on the family. Police have information that we don't. It's not up to the person who is informed of the worry to decide if it merits action being taken - their clear job is to pass it on to people who can weigh it, decide if it needs investigation and what should happen next

I find the attitude to safeguarding on mumsnet quite out of date to be honest. Often see posts saying "don't report to SS mind your own business" or similar. Day to day I try to get people to move on from those attitudes

Again though, I know there are a lot of troll threads. It's problematic. On balance anything that suggests harm to a child - and those are relatively few and far between- needs reporting.

ABloodyDifficultWoman · 21/07/2016 08:35

difficult woman they are absolutely definitely legally obliged to have a child protection policy

Excellent. Can you direct me to it's location on the site so that I can read it?

mrgrouper · 21/07/2016 08:36

There was one thread on Netmums where a woman announced she had overdosed and then breastfed her baby so the baby would overdose on the drug in her breast milk so they could both die. I know Netmums reported it because she later posted and told people not to trust the site as social services knocked at the door with a copy of the deleted thread.

wherethewildthingis · 21/07/2016 08:37

Be interesting to count actually how many threads there are suggesting direct harm to a child - I feel like its a small ish number but would like to know more accurately!

Houseconfusion · 21/07/2016 08:37

What about a mother posting about her son being diagnosed with leukemia and then being treated with aggressive treatment protocols? What mum would make that up yeah? Been Done. Tick.

Trolling is massively popular on MN boards.

Not sure what and how you expect MNHQ do anything about these threads.

wherethewildthingis · 21/07/2016 08:38

No I can't difficult woman but I imagine they would provide it if you ask!

Original poster
bellybuttonfairy · 21/07/2016 08:39

I'm not that naive - I've worked alongside child protection for many years. I've heard some pretty terrible things and worked with those people in supporting them. Maybe this has clouded my judgement but I'm well aware that child abuse is much more prevalent than most people think.

If a poster does want advice on abuse - I do think that mumsnet should contact them and give standard advice on child abuse with contact numbers for support. ?It also should be reported/logged to an in-house register.

It may well be a troll - but do you think that every thread like this on mumsnet is written by a troll? There will be genuine cases out there of a person at loss who has done a post for clarity and unbiased advice.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/07/2016 08:40

Has it House? Missed that one, was that here or elsewhere?

PurpleDaisies · 21/07/2016 08:41

Wasn't that the Oliver's army thread house?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/07/2016 08:41

No bellybutton - of COURSE we don't think every thread like this on MN is by a troll - the trouble is, you can't tell which ones are and which aren't, although there are often clues.

WellErrr · 21/07/2016 08:42

There will be genuine cases out there of a person at loss who has done a post for clarity and unbiased advice

There probably are.

However, if they thought that MNHQ would then trace them and pass their details on to SS they probably wouldn't bother, would they?

WaitrosePigeon · 21/07/2016 08:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MollyTwo · 21/07/2016 08:47

No you really are naive to not be able to differentiate that rl cases are not chat forums. You worked alongside child protection so it means that you actually know this happened. What's so difficult to grasp that a chat forum thread might be made upConfused

Original poster
bellybuttonfairy · 21/07/2016 08:48

wellErr I am NOT suggesting they send details to SS or police. Everyone has jumped to the conclusion that that the only way to deal with these threads is to send a policeman or social worker over to knock on the door!!!°

OP posts:
Curioushorse · 21/07/2016 08:48

A few years ago (maybe more than ten?) one of the exam boards asked a question on an English paper, which was something along the lines of, 'Describe a scary childhood experience'. They got LOADS of child abuse disclosures.

It was really difficult for the following reasons:

  1. Exam papers were supposed to be anonymous
  2. The children who had made these disclosures had not thought that they were disclosing anything
  3. They could well have been made up- as students would have been told by teachers that they were being assessed on style, rather than content
  4. Loads of the kids did quite badly, because they'd got carried away with this question and not focussed on the assessment criteria/ other questions.

In the end, nothing was done, as it was felt that the right to anonymity was really important. Several of the examiners were given counselling though.

Roussette · 21/07/2016 08:50

What about those who NC and post here in complete anonymity wanting advice and someone thinks the post should go on "in house register". There is no confidentiality then is there? (which I now realise after posting that WellErr has just said much better than me!)

Bonkers idea. Besides which, you don't know that there isn't an "in house register" and you will never know. Quite rightly too.

MollyTwo · 21/07/2016 08:50

And besides on those types of threads more than most of the posters advise to report, with links. What do you want mnhq to do??

WellErrr · 21/07/2016 08:52

wellErr I am NOT suggesting they send details to SS or police. Everyone has jumped to the conclusion that that the only way to deal with these threads is to send a policeman or social worker over to knock on the door!!!

But you said in your OP you thought MNHQ should be able to 'involve support agencies.'

wherethewildthingis · 21/07/2016 08:53

Also I would extend that comment about odd attitude to safeguarding to this thread! Poster comes on to say " I felt really worried anout that child and I am hoping something could be done to help them"- only to be disparaged and mocked and totally shot down in flames. There is room here for a dialogue about what could - if anything- be done about this issue without people being mocked and told they are naive.

londonrach · 21/07/2016 08:54

Yabu. For two reasons...one...not everything on mn is true....two...if someone is having problems and reaches out for help on mn that fact that no one knows if they are means they do reveal alot and 9 times out of 10 get excellent help on what to do. If that poster knew mn could find them they may not reach for help.

PurpleDaisies · 21/07/2016 08:55

I am NOT suggesting they send details to SS or police

From your op...
I'm hoping that mumsnet were able to involve support agencies or do cases like this get lost in the ether of Internet anonymity?

Can you see why people are confused?

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