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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to pay SIL to look after DD

130 replies

smileygrapefruit · 20/07/2016 22:21

Arranged with PIL's for them to have DD (2.5 years) for a few hours this Saturday. They have messaged DH today to say they need to pop out for an hour or so and SIL (aged 17) will stay with our DD and we should give her babysitting money. Aibu to think you shouldn't have to pay family to spend time with family? All her food etc will be provided by us.

OP posts:
2rebecca · 21/07/2016 16:05

I was an eldest child and never forced to look after younger children apart from the escorting younger sibs to school sort of thing. I do think that is using children. In years gone by before family planning with large families it was fairly normal but these days I think parents shouldn't use older children like that. The only babysitting I did age 17 was paid for.
It's different if a teenage relative asks to look after a smaller child or to play with them unsupervised.

DragonsEggsAreAllMine · 21/07/2016 16:36

Your children your responsibility. It's that simple. You see to think both sets of parents should be at your beck and call as its a honour to be asked.

Pay your niece, it will be cheaper than formal childcare and then set up something for working days in future rather than expecting others to do it. It's likely they are fed up so saw this as an opportunity for a teen to earn some money and for you to realise the responsibility of children.

Older children in the family, siblings/cousins etc shouldn't be expected to do the parenting for others.

EwanWhosearmy · 21/07/2016 17:17

I feel your pain OP. My ILs would offer to help, then back out at the last minute when it was too late to ask anyone else.

In the end I just made sure DH didn't ask them, and sorted something else out.

Some posters seem to be a little hard of understanding on this thread.

Original poster
smileygrapefruit · 21/07/2016 18:49

Dragons, I'm amazed at how accurately you can describe my attitude and thoughts towards who should be looking after my children from the few sentences I've wrote Hmm

They spoke to DH saying "we haven't seen the children for so long, do you think we could have her for a few hours one weekend soon" "Yes, DW would love to be able to get some work done, that's great, thank you" replies DH. So I have booked clients in and they back out last minute. They have her for a couple of hours every month or two (because they want to, not because we ask) so hardly at our beck and call. Get a grip.

Anyway, I am paying SIL so thanks all.

OP posts:
RosieSW · 21/07/2016 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
smileygrapefruit · 21/07/2016 19:45

Where did I say I was working from home?! Confused by some of the comments on this post. Was prepared for people to I was BU by not wanting to pay her (which I now am) but I just have to laugh at some of the other assumptions/judgements.

OP posts:
Illias · 21/07/2016 22:53

FWIW OP I think there's no way you should even have to consider paying. SIL is covering for in-law's poor organisation, not yours!

2rebecca · 21/07/2016 22:54

If they asked and arranged it then they should be paying SIL. I still don't understand why they both have to go out. I would be telling them you are glad SIL is looking after the kids as you had booked clients but they had asked to have the kids and you do feel they can't be relied on if they'll change their plans if something more exciting comes along and you're disappointed one of them couldn't have looked after your daughter.

Jessikita · 22/07/2016 17:31

I agree with AlpacaPicnic. If you'd asked her to babysit a couple of quid wouldn't go amiss but you didn't. Your PIL committed to babysit therefore it's their responsibity to arrange cover if there's a problem.

Craigie · 22/07/2016 17:51

I would rather have done ANYTHING than spend time with a 2 year old (or indeed any member of my family) when I was a teenager. I think you should be grateful and give the girl a tenner.

Shona52 · 22/07/2016 18:15

I agree that the pil should pay as they are changing the arrangements but things like this have a habit of getting out of hand and if money is not an issue I would just pay £10 to keep the peace

KellyElly · 22/07/2016 18:24

I find the attitudes on MN so weird. Grandparents are the next closest relatives to children bar the parents and the closest relatives to the parents. This your child your responsibility thing, as if extended family are just some neighbour you are asking for a favour is so weird!

They agreed and have suddenly decided they have something else to do at short notice. That's really not on at all. They are so rude to even suggest you pay. However, she should be paid, because of her age. Should just be them doing it not you.

Just bung her a tenner to keep the peace and don't bother asking them again...ever!

BummyMummy77 · 23/07/2016 01:58

She's paying her, she's paying her, SHE'S GOING TO FUCKING PAY HER.

Jesus wept, read the bloody thread people.

There should be a check box like you get when you do a phone software update that says 'read and agree' and you have to have read all posts before posting. GrinGrinGrin

MilliesMum15 · 23/07/2016 02:22

My sister's almost 17 and I wouldn't even think to pay her for watching DD for an hour. She always knows that if she wants something I will get it for her, but age gap she was the baby for a long time so have always spoilt her, but to say 'I want to be paid to watch DD for an hour' well that's another story.

If she watched DD in the evening so OH and I could have a couples night (very rare) I'd make sure there was food for her to snack on, and a dinner. Obviously DD would have everything she needs. I might give sister a £20/£30 as a thank you and a surprise as she doesn't expect it but if she demanded payment for an hour I'd probably say no thank you I'll look elsewhere. But that's just me x

MilliesMum15 · 23/07/2016 02:25

Edit:- big age gap not but age gap bloody phone! Hmm

Original poster
smileygrapefruit · 23/07/2016 18:43

Well it all went well, DH gave her £10. They all had a lovely time and we will do it again in the future. SIL enjoyed it and got a bit of pocket money, which she bough DD an ice cream with.

OP posts:
LilacInn · 23/07/2016 18:52

For how many hours?

Original poster
smileygrapefruit · 23/07/2016 21:21

Does it matter Lilac?

OP posts:
LilacInn · 24/07/2016 03:44

Well, yes, because that sounds like a very small payment.

PaulDacreCuntyMcCuntFace · 24/07/2016 08:35

Erm, Lilac if SIL was happy with payment then what business is it of yours?

emilybrontescorset · 24/07/2016 09:26

I'd give her a tenner and you never know she might offer to do it more often.

pollymere · 24/07/2016 09:57

You asked your PIL to babysit for a FEW hours (2-3 max??) and they have to pop out for an hour or so (2 hours?!) so basically they're doing what exactly? They agreed to babysit and now they've got plans that can't change to accommodate the few hours you asked for? I can understand why your SIL wants paying. She didn't agree to anything and its only fair to her. However, I would question why your PIL think it's okay to do this to you and that they should be the ones paying for it! Sadly, I'm not sure I'd trust my PIL to babysit my little one after that. I had some similar happen and I never left my dd with them until she was old enough to almost look after herself.

LilacInn · 24/07/2016 14:37

Well, Paul, the OP posted on a very public discussion board asking for opinions. Given that, "what business is it if yours?" Is, "erm," a rather silly thing to chime in.

WildRoses · 24/07/2016 14:46

I pay my 16yo dd for babysitting her 2 sisters. I wouldn't dream of expecting her to do it for free. It becomes a job rather than a chore to her.

NayaDeles · 24/07/2016 15:35

Did you pay her with a cheque op? And has she cashed it yet? If not I think you should cancel the cheque Wink

(tongue firmly in cheek)

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