To not want to pay SIL to look after DD

[smileygrapefruit]

Arranged with PIL's for them to have DD (2.5 years) for a few hours this Saturday. They have messaged DH today to say they need to pop out for an hour or so and SIL (aged 17) will stay with our DD and we should give her babysitting money. Aibu to think you shouldn't have to pay family to spend time with family? All her food etc will be provided by us.

I babysat when I was 17 for neighbours who we didn't really know, and looked after a 9mo and 2yo. It was fine but I didn't have much clue about babies. I'd never leave my young dc with a random 17yo, but I wouldn't have any qualms in this situation OP.

You can either pay for the babysitting or cancel and make other plans. I'm not used to regular childcare from mine or DH's family so it's always at the back of my mind that plans could fall through with family because they aren't a paid service.

In fairness to your SIL the request for money may have more to do with her relationship with you PIL than with you. They offered to babysit but have found something better to do and dumped it on her. This is not necessarily something she has willingly volunteered for. She may have asked for money to make a point that they can't just offer and then expect her to fulfil their promise without some recompense.

Yabu, my family member is having my Dc for £40, and £20 for spends on the kids as we are at a wedding.
It's irrelevant that she's a family member, you need childcare and she's offering it at a price.

The only way I would of babysat at 17 would of been if I was being paid. At that age children liked me but I wasn't really keen on them

What's £10-£15 for her babysitting.

I'd be more annoyed PIL let me down with 2 days to find a replacement

I wouldn't expect to pay my adult SILs/BILs, but I would pay my teenage niece/nephews if they did a bit of babysitting for me.

It's like if they came over for a couple of hours and washed the windows - they're teenagers, they don't necessarily see it as getting the benefit of "quality time" with the DCs like adult relatives would

Most shocking thing about this thread is the amount of people expecting the PILs to pay! Since when are childcare costs their responsibility??? They could have just said no they can't do it as something has come up. It's nice if gp's help out with childcare but expecting it and expecting them to pay if they can't do it is outrageous!

YANBU to be cross with PIL. They've let you down and should pay your SIL. But pay her anyway and maybe next time you need a sitter ask her to babysit at yours and skip the PIL all together.

Donkey, thank you, DH thinks they're shit too. Neither of us are going to make a song and dance about it though.

To the PP who said "you only want free childcare", that is not the case at all. Like I said upthread, I think I'm more just disappointed they have let us down. If GP's didn't want to or couldn't have her obviously I would have had to make other arrangements!

Rosie, sorry about the childcare/a level thing, but this is 1-2 hours. Not a regular or expected thing.

I'm a grandma btw and wouldn't let my DDs or DDIL down if I'd said I'd look after DGC.

I have a DD17 and plenty of nieces and nephews under 10, on occasions she does childcare for the odd hour and has never been paid or would expect to be. When my DC were young my DH siblings were of uni age or less and they looked after them on the odd occasion, again no money was paid.

People are suggesting the PIL pay because they are the people who hired the 17 year old.

That's how it works.

They undertook too look after a child and now they are passing the responsibility on to somebody else.

If they were reasonable, they would pay.

Well, if tgey were reasonable they would keep to arrangements.

But they certainly wouldn't make other plans and pass on the costs.

The only way I would of babysat at 17 would of been if I was being paid.

This. In fact I did get paid to look after younger siblings, or at least get something for doing so. To be perfectly honest, you'd have to pay me to look after someone else's child now . Honestly though, teenage years are usually about doing what they want to, anything else requires bribery. £10 really is quite cheap, I think I used to get about £20 (and that was years ago).

DoinIt, you've summed it up perfectly. I don't expect them to look after DD but I do expect them to keep to agreed arrangements! Reading through the thread I'm realising I'm quite bitter about how crap DHs parents are compared to my parents who have moved 2 hours away but still come to see us or have DC's at least once a month.

But the ultimate responsibility for childcare lies with the parent! It would have been nice if the gp's could look after the child for free but to suggest that because they won't they should pay for someone else is just
I've looked after other people's kids before and if something had come up that meant I couldn't I would've been if they had expected me to pay for an alternative!

But the ultimate responsibility for childcare lies with the parent!

Well if they agreed with that, presumably they wouldn't have outsourced care of the child without checking if the parents were agreeable.

They have found someone willing to do it. Up to the op if she wants them to.

I babysat my cousins at that age (funnily enough, also usually for a few hours when my DM who was the 'proper' babysitter needed to go and do something) and getting money for it wouldn't have crossed my mind. I think it would have felt weird that they paid me but not my DM. However I would offer money to my 17 year old cousin for looking after DS (if I trusted him enough to do it in the first place)...

bumsexatthebingo

Of course the responsibiltiy for childcare lies with the parents, but in this case the PILs made a decision about childcare without consulting the parents. If the PILs can't now fulfill the childcare duties they offered to do then they should have told the OP and her DH and let them take responsibility for arranging alternative childcare. They could have suggested the SIL and that may be what the OP would have decided to go with, but if they take the responsibility for engaging alternative childcare they should bear any resultant costs.

Is that not basically what they've done? Told the op that the sil is available but will want paying? OP can arrange alternative care if it doesn't suit.

PIL agreed to help, if they couldn't help they should have contacted OP to see if she'd like them to see if SIL was free, but saying that she'd probably want to be paid for the time. Thus, it's then OPs decision.

PIL have reliability and communication issues!

I think it comes down to how close you are with your SIL. If it's not very, and you don't see her that often then I would pay, but if you have a close relationship, I wouldn't bother for a couple of hours, just get some extra snacks in for her!
At 17, I would have looked after my niece/nephew without wanting paid!
It's a bit shit what PIL have done, but at least you're not left in the lurch if SIL is there to babysit for you.
The only thing is, that if they've told her she's gonna get paid, I really don't see how u can get out of it 🙈 X

As I have said twice already, I am more than happy for SIL to look after her and will pay her this time. Think those that said to cut out the middle man next time are probably right.

I think the PILs are sending the message they are not that into providing childcare, and you should plan accordingly.

And of course you should pay the teen, and well. Having her available in the coming few years should be a godsend for you.

They offered lilic