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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For a friend to ask me to take her husband on holiday with me?

60 replies

Fletcherl · 20/07/2016 21:57

At the weekend I made a last minute booking for a cottage in Cornwall to go with my teens. I could only book a big place. So I asked a friend who I know is struggling a bit if she wanted to come for a few days with her little girl. She has just texted back to say that she can't get the time off can her husband come instead. What! That seems odd to me.

OP posts:
EweAreHere · 20/07/2016 22:42

I don't think it's odd at all. If you and he are friends, even if your primary friendship is with his wife, what's the big deal? He and his daughter get a holiday, too, and you have help with the costs. You don't have to be glued at the hip if you don't want to do the same things.

sheesh

EverySongbirdSays · 20/07/2016 22:44

It's different with a female mate though isn't it?

You can sit there in your pjs with a glass of wine and some nail varnish and a face mask and take your bra off and wear no shoes and not care what you look like. With someone else's husband who I'd not spent any alone time with I'd be on best behaviour and my bra would be fucking killing me. Grin

Birdsgottafly · 20/07/2016 22:44

Are your Teens girls? If so it might change the dynamic.

Other than that, I think it's no-ones business and completely your choice.

catkind · 20/07/2016 22:44

Well if you know the husband too then surely it's a friend coming on holiday with his little girl. Same situation, different friend. Up to you if you feel he's also a good enough friend to holiday with or not. Sod what it looks like. Sounds like you'll have plenty of chaperones anyway Smile

RosieSW · 20/07/2016 22:45

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irregularegular · 20/07/2016 22:47

I can think if couples where I am good friends with both and this would be fine. But if you think it would be awkward then you can just say no. I don't think it's necessarily that weird though.

BurningBridges · 20/07/2016 22:49

Can you take my husband as well?

Xmasbaby11 · 20/07/2016 22:50

It's hardly their only opportunity to go away. The father and child can go away on their own sometime. Just say sorry you can't make it, catch up soon.

catkind · 20/07/2016 22:51

Private poos Grin. Do teens poo upstairs or downstairs?

badg3r · 20/07/2016 22:55

Some people will think it is odd but friend and her partner obviously don't. So if you and DH are ok with it I don't see the problem.

Notcontent · 20/07/2016 23:00

If you like the guy, then I think it's fine!

RosieSW · 20/07/2016 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marymoosmum14 · 20/07/2016 23:04

I don't think it is odd. You did invite her daughter to go with you and if she can't go with her why shouldn't her father accompany her, why should her daughter miss out on a holiday just because she can't go and you feel 'odd' about her father going with her.

BeauHeaux · 20/07/2016 23:05

I know both of the couple equally well as we share a profession.....We had drinks together for the 1st time last week

You sound like you have the best of intentions, but how well do you know these people? Are they friends or colleagues? If it was a friend's husband there is an argument to be made in its favour, but if you barely know the wife (never mind the husband) then if it were me I wouldn't be inviting him.

Windsofwinter · 20/07/2016 23:08

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GinBunny · 20/07/2016 23:19

I don't see how you can say no to her DH without it sounding like you don't trust him though.
Although if it was me I would feel weird about it. I know my friends' husbands pretty well but wouldn't want to go on holiday with any of them on my own, as others have said, I want to take my bra off when I relax Grin

catkind · 20/07/2016 23:51

Rosie, many of us don't have the luxury of 3 loos at home, let alone on holiday. Hence me being somewhat childishly amused by the concept. How the other half poos... I'm sure there was another thread where it was considered terribly rude and Not The Done Thing to use the upstairs loo in someone else's house if there was a downstairs one available. Maybe it's safer not to visit friends with multiple bathrooms, I haven't had the training for it Wink

RosieSW · 21/07/2016 00:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hazeimcgee · 21/07/2016 00:52

Why is it odd? You're all friends, all married. Is he a creep and a sleaze? Is he a little too hot? Can you blt trust him or you or does DH not trust either of you??

Screw other people's assumptions.

And tbh if i was the friend and said oh actually can DH bring DD and you said bo i feel uncomfortable with that i'd wonder what was wrong with DH

hazeimcgee · 21/07/2016 00:57

EverySongbirdSays
You can sit there in your pjs with a glass of wine and some nail varnish and a face mask and take your bra off and wear no shoes and not care what you look like.

Why are you so concerned what your male friend / friends hubby thinks you look like??

catkind · 21/07/2016 01:47

But why Rosie? What's the problem sharing a bathroom? Are you worried about catching man-germs? You don't have to be in it at the same time you know! As a veteran one-loo-householder I'd be more worried about the teens being in there all morning than the fellow parent.

Joking aside, OP says it's a big place, so you probably have nothing to worry about.

Bogeyface · 21/07/2016 02:16

As long as there are no underlying issues, I think it would be fine.

I am thinking of a family that we know that are our good friends. It would be a bit odd at first if he was to come instead of her because in our set up, she is a closer friend to me, but I wouldnt mind if he came.

I would say that he should come so that their DD can have a holiday but I would also want to have a chat in advance about socialising, evenings etc. I like to have some time alone when I am on hols, even with my own family, so I wouldnt like to feel that I should spend every evening of my holiday making small talk so the "If I fuck off with my book its not because I am being rude" chat should be had before you go!

cornishglos · 21/07/2016 05:50

Why is this odd?

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 21/07/2016 06:09

If you're friends with him as well as her, this isn't odd. Was the original offer just to her, or to all three of them as a family? If it was to all of them then it seems perfectly reasonable that the offer still stands even if she can't make it.

A couple of years ago, dh was planning to go skiing with ds (I hate skiing so didn't want to go), and talked to friends of ours about them coming too. Her dh couldn't get time off work, but she and her two dc could potentially go. In the end it didn't happen due to complications around timings, but I would have been very ok with it if it had. I trust both of them implicitly, and anyway there are limited opportunities in a 2 bedroomed flat with 3 teens in tow!

Its your call, OP, but I would do it.

2nds · 21/07/2016 06:24

Well Rosie IBS sufferers don't limit themselves like that. If I'm downstairs I'll poo in the downstairs loo. We learn to not give a shit as to what loo we poo in (pardon the pun). So really it doesn't matter if there's one loo or ten loos.