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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should my friend replace sunglasses she lost?

108 replies

Onesieisthequeensselfie · 20/07/2016 13:30

More of a WWYD.

I left a pair of designer sunnies at my friend's house the other day.

Friend has just phoned to say terribly sorry but she borrowed them and has lost them. Sad

She was hugely apologetic but hasn't made an offer to replace them.

I don't know if she realised that they are quite expensive and that's why she hasn't offered.

AIBU to think that she could have at least asked how much they were/offered to contribute towards replacing them?

OP posts:
Original poster
Onesieisthequeensselfie · 20/07/2016 15:30

The sunnies were fairly new, about a year old. And they were ridiculously expensive Blush
which is one of the reasons why I'm not necessarily expecting my friend to pay for a new pair.

But I don't think she should have borrowed them without asking.

TBH though, whilst it is galling to not have them anymore I'm actually more annoyed by the lack of responsibility she has shown. If she had even mentioned contributing towards then I wouldn't be feeling this way.

And that's more damaging to our friendship I think.

Although I do think she is genuinely sorry for losing them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Onesieisthequeensselfie · 20/07/2016 15:32

Another friends baby broke my husbands glasses by grabbing them off his face, friend offered cost of replacement / repair we refused because it was an accident and paid the cost ourselves, but we appreciated the offer, we are still friends.

This

OP posts:
blindsider · 20/07/2016 15:33

EttaJ

They may think you spend your money unwisely on whatever you spend it on blindsider

They may well do although unless I brag about it on the internet they won't get the chance!!

MadisonMontgomery · 20/07/2016 15:43

Have to admit my first thought was that she'd decided to keep them! I think you need to press her a little - ask her where she lost them, can she retrace her footsteps etc, as they were X amount and you really want them back.

RhiWrites · 20/07/2016 15:49

Text her back and say "it's going to cost £XXX to replace. Shall we split it?"

cozietoesie · 20/07/2016 15:51

If a friend left something at my house by mistake, I would put it aside after quickly letting them know in case they were concerned. I wouldn't use the item in any way.

She should replace them.

Danglyweed · 20/07/2016 16:10

Id be livid and fully expect her to replace them.

My friend left a galaxy bar in my fridge weeks ago. Since then Ive moaned several times at having nothing sweet to eat, I wont eat it, its hers!

CoraPirbright · 20/07/2016 17:25

I'd be Facebook stalking your friend for a while - don't want to suggest that you may spot her in them, but it's possible...

Lemonlady22 · 20/07/2016 17:36

apparently i broke my sisters sunglasses.....they were on her head at the time, but my getting in the taxi too slow made her hit her head on the car door and they got a crack in them Confused

StrangeLookingParasite · 20/07/2016 17:45

Another friend asked to borrow my case for her ski holiday (mine being bigger than her's and on wheels). I'd only used it twice myself. Came back broken. She offered to have "the blokes at work have a look at it" but I had a look at it and it was not repairable and quite frankly, as it was almost brand new and unused, a bodge-up wouldn't have been on. She didn't damage it herself, I am sure it will have been the airport luggage handlers. But in her shoes, I'd have apologised profusely and immediately offered to buy a replacement.

In that situation I wouldn't even be offering to buy a replacement, I'd just turn up with the new replacement case. Massively rude.
And yes, this friend should replace the sunglasses.

LyndaNotLinda · 20/07/2016 17:56

I would text her back and ask her to claim on her house insurance.

I don't believe she didn't realise they were expensive, sorry. Every expensive pair of sunglasses I've ever seen likes to make it fairly clear on the arm. Plus you can tell with the quality of the lenses.

You don't borrow your friend's stuff without their permission - it's dreadful. And if you do and you damage/lose it, you replace it. Actually you replace it if you damage/lose it if you've borrowed it with their permission

ailith · 20/07/2016 17:58

She should not have borrowed them and she should replace them - without you having to say or hint or whatever.

Hissy · 20/07/2016 18:04

Absolutely ahe needs to replace them.

How much did she flog them for on eBay?

Rainbunny · 20/07/2016 18:24

Well she was very honest about it, I agree she probably doesn't realise that they're expensive and that's probably why she didn't think to offer to replace them if she thinks they didn't cost much. I left a cardigan at a friends house once after a party. Nothing was said and a few months later I saw her wearing it! I figured it was my fault for leaving it and forgetting to follow up with her about it. On the flip side it's very annoying when someone leaves something at your house and keeps saying they'll get it and don't. I've gone through three moves now and had to lug around a a framed picture that a friend left years ago but insists that she still wants to collect...

be honest and explain how much they actually cost and ask for half like other pps have suggested?

MatildaTheCat · 20/07/2016 18:30

OP has said they were ridiculously expensive which indicates a well known designer brand ie Gucci or Chanel. Her friend is mortified...of course she fucking knows they were expensive!

She just doesn't fancy paying for them having only had one day's wear out of them.

Pestilence13610 · 20/07/2016 18:33

But I don't think she should have borrowed them without asking.

TBH though, whilst it is galling to not have them anymore I'm actually more annoyed by the lack of responsibility she has shown. If she had even mentioned contributing towards then I wouldn't be feeling this way.

Your friend has let you down by not being the sort of friend you thought she was. You must feel a bit gutted.
In some ways it is a bit like finding out DP has cheated on you. Obviously not on the same scale, but similar feelings of loss, betrayal and even grieving (for the friendship not the sunglasses).
Good luck on getting something sorted, you may have to be direct to the point of rudeness. Demand Ask for a substantial portion of the money (allows for negotiation).

Original poster
Onesieisthequeensselfie · 20/07/2016 18:48

Spot on pestilence.

I am disappointed in her, our friendship and what the future holds for us. We are very old friends, going back to student days.

I used to be very hippy, happy-go-lucky, and wouldn't have batted an eyelid about her borrowing (or losing) a pair of sunglasses 10 years ago. But I also wouldn't have bought a pair of designer frames back then either.

She is either ignoring and dropping my calls or is very busy today. Sad

I have a horrible feeling that the truth is, she knows just how expensive they are and is terrified/has no intention of being forced to cough up.

We hardly see each other as it is and I'm starting to think it's going to be an even longer time until we next catch up. Sad

OP posts:
Propertyquandry · 20/07/2016 19:08

You need to text and ask her to claim on her home insurance.

Becky546 · 20/07/2016 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pillowaddict · 20/07/2016 20:55

Sounds like she's hoping you'll 'forget'. Difficult to see how she can't know she's in the wrong. Even if she believed it to be your responsibility she could at least ask about your insurance situation to ensure its not just a case of "oops my friend's amazing expensive sunglasses are gone because I -got pissed- accidentally left them sone where. Poor behaviour.

whois · 20/07/2016 21:42

I think a text like Becky546 wrote would be good.

No reasonable person would refuse going halves.

mickeysminnie · 20/07/2016 21:58

Send her a link to a page where she can buy a replacement pair.
And say something along the lines of "the sunglasses are available on this site, but if you want to buy them elsewhere, no problem! I was talking to someone today and they said you might be able to claim them on your house insurance policy. Let me know the estimated date of delivery so I can keep an eye out for them."
It is not ok that she 'borrowed' them and then lost them. I bet she will look a lot harder for them if she knows she has to replace them.

BifsWif · 20/07/2016 22:05

She should pay for them.

She won't be covered on home insurance unless she says they were hers. You can't claim money for things you never paid out for in the first place. I work in insurance.

I would text asking her to replace them. I think you'll feel differently about her in the future either way, so you may as well ask.

Eminado · 20/07/2016 22:23

I cant get over using something that some accidentally left at your house. I just cant get past that point. Confused

Eminado · 20/07/2016 22:25

*someone