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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should my friend replace sunglasses she lost?

108 replies

Onesieisthequeensselfie · 20/07/2016 13:30

More of a WWYD.

I left a pair of designer sunnies at my friend's house the other day.

Friend has just phoned to say terribly sorry but she borrowed them and has lost them. Sad

She was hugely apologetic but hasn't made an offer to replace them.

I don't know if she realised that they are quite expensive and that's why she hasn't offered.

AIBU to think that she could have at least asked how much they were/offered to contribute towards replacing them?

OP posts:
pictish · 20/07/2016 14:39

Even if she can't manage to see you right (and I agree the friendship is more important than the glasses) she will understand that she should replace them and it's not really on that she hasn't.

TheyOnceSaid · 20/07/2016 14:40

Well it actually depends on the cost, if they were less than £400 me personally I wouldn't worry about it as she has been apologetic.

EatsShitAndLeaves · 20/07/2016 14:42

Friendship = more important argument

Well that goes both ways doesn't it?

If the friend valued the OP she wouldn't want to risk the relationship by not replacing them.

diddl · 20/07/2016 14:42

"Surely your friendship is worth more than a pair of sunglasses"

But the friend obviously doesn't think so!

Propertyquandry · 20/07/2016 14:44

But if she can't afford to replace them why isn't she telling the op that? Why also would an adult borrow another adults property without considering what would happen in the event of damage.

IceRoadDucker · 20/07/2016 14:46

The old one way street argument hmm

Depends how the cost of replacement would affect the friend. The OP has the minor inconvenience of no longer having her sunglasses. If the friend pays money she doesn't have in order to replace them, the consequences could be awful. I wouldn't force the issue on principle in that case.

If the friend can afford it without detriment, then both are only suffering a minor inconvenience.

Objectively of course the friend should replace them. But I don't look at things objectively when it's a friend or even just another human being!

Propertyquandry · 20/07/2016 14:49

But it's difficult if there's resentment. I lost a friendship after her 4yr old took a marker pen from her bag in the hall, went upstairs and drew all over my daughters new white bedroom furniture. The furniture was very expensive wooden painted. Friend refused to even accept responsibility ssying it was ridiculous to have expensive children's furniture and that 4yr olds draw on stuff. None of my 4yr olds would ever have done that. At 2 maybe but not at 4! I'm still angry about it years later but I'd be more angry if I had to see her.

Quills · 20/07/2016 14:49

Nice stealth boast there TheyOnceSaid Hmm

OP, YANBU. Unfortunately, if your friend had any intention of paying up as she should, she would already have mentioned it.

101handbags · 20/07/2016 14:49

I wouldn't really consider this a true friendship unless the one who borrowed the glasses without asking offered to replace them in full. If that was me, I simply cannot imagine doing anything else. You might as well say someone borrowed your car, crashed it & then said oh, I'm sorry. Once again, it's not the value of the item at all, it's the principle. Your 'friend' is rude. Even if she offered and then you then said no, or said let's go half - fine. It's just the fact that she hasn't even offered.

blindsider · 20/07/2016 14:50

Depends how the cost of replacement would affect the friend

Maybe that is the conversation she should've been having with herself before borrowing them without permission.

I work on the treat others as you would expect to be treated and if I lost a mates sunglasses I would say replace them and send me the bill.

blindsider · 20/07/2016 14:52

Nice stealth boast there TheyOnceSaid

You reckon that is boasting? I reckon anyone who thinks £400 is a reasonable amount to spend on sunglasses needs to give their head a wobble.

Propertyquandry · 20/07/2016 14:53

And I'd sell whatever I had to pay for the furniture had it been the other way around. That's what I cannot get my head around. I'd have had frugal Christmas, sold jewellery everything. If my children wrecked someone's else's property it would be my responsibility to pay for it however. So I completely get that the op's friend may not have the money to hand but to not even offer ir explain is appalling.

ADishBestEatenCold · 20/07/2016 14:54

"I can't see why OP should be claiming on the friend's insurance Surely she should claim on her own insurance, as she left them there in the first place?"

I'm guessing, but I would not expect that OP would be able to claim on her own insurance, in these circumstances.

OP left them in a safe place (albeit unintentionally) from where she should be able to retrieve them, so the only way she could claim them from her own insurance would be if they had been stolen from that safe place. Can't really imagine OP reporting this as a theft.

Whereas the friend took an object out of her home in the course of it's usage and lost it. So quite probably could claim on her insurance.

"Sunglasses aren't worth more than a good friendship."

That's a really valid point, however of equal validity is to consider whether a 'good friend' would disregard a couple of hundred quids worth of one's property, in this way.

amusedbush · 20/07/2016 14:54

The OP has the minor inconvenience of no longer having her sunglasses. If the friend pays money she doesn't have in order to replace them, the consequences could be awful

Then she shouldn't have borrowed them! Accidents happen and she shouldn't have taken them if she couldn't afford to replace them.

george1020 · 20/07/2016 14:57

WTF to £400 on sunglasses, don't be so fucking ridiculous I can't for a second imagine you own glasses worth £400 or you wouldn't be desperate to boast about it.

OP your friend should pay up, I think asking to claim on insurance is a great idea, I bet as soon as you suggest it they turn up!

pictish · 20/07/2016 14:57

Propertyquandry omg!! Oh wow that must have been terrible!

Propertyquandry · 20/07/2016 15:05

Pictish, actually as they were expensive wood, we managed to have them (the bed and wardrobe) stripped and repainted. The two marks on the heat of drawers had to stay but have faded over years of jiff. But that wasn't cheap and made me angry for a long long time.

Hockeydude · 20/07/2016 15:17

I'd text her asking where she went with them and ask her to phone that place/go there and check for items handed in. Reiterate that they were very expensive and you want to get them back.

It sounds like she stole or sold them and I would end the friendship if no further information and offer of payment is made.

People these days seem to thing apologies excuse shitty behaviour. Her apology cost nothing and yet she expects it to make up for her taking an losing an item costing £££.

TheyOnceSaid · 20/07/2016 15:18

george1020

Oh and you know how much my sunglasses cost right? I don't own raybans.

itmustbemyage · 20/07/2016 15:19

My son broke a friends very large, fancy TV by accident (Wii controller mishap) we immediately offered to pay for a replacement (prob about £800) in the end my friend claimed off her household insurance and we paid the excess, we are still friends.
Another friends baby broke my husbands glasses by grabbing them off his face, friend offered cost of replacement / repair we refused because it was an accident and paid the cost ourselves, but we appreciated the offer, we are still friends.
I would not want to be friends with cheeky people who help themselves to my belongings.
Missing point of thread but my prescription sunglasses cost way more than £400, because of the cost of the special lenses. It seems crazy but £400 is not expensive for glasses, my regular ones cost in the region of £450 - £500.

EttaJ · 20/07/2016 15:23

Laughing at people who bitch about how much money spent on sunglasses. A good pair costing a lot of money will last for ages. They may think you spend your money unwisely on whatever you spend it on blindsider

george1020 · 20/07/2016 15:23

Theyoncesaid

I have prescription glasses that cost nearly £400 so know how expensive glasses can be, but if you paid £400 or over on sunglasses as a normal thing you wouldn't be feeling the need to boast about it on the web! It would be normal, everyday thing and wouldn't need to be covertly mentioned in threads.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 20/07/2016 15:25

I paid over £100 for designer glasses, they are prescription. I they were lost I'd be really pissed off because I need them!

Why should OP have to justify what she spends her own money on because someone else borrowed and lost her glasses?! Friendship is a two way street, if the friend can't afford to replace them it doesn't mean she is exempt, it means she should work something out with OP to cover the cost!

george1020 · 20/07/2016 15:27

Who's bitching about the amount OP spent? I'm bitching about the covert boasting by another poster.

LagunaBubbles · 20/07/2016 15:29

Sunglasses aren't worth more than a good friendship

What does the friendship mean to the friend however if she loses something expensive belonging to her friend (that she shouldn't have had in the first place) and doesn't offer to replace them? Friendships take two people.