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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Leaving nearly 2 year old with grandparents for 4 nights?

24 replies

Maisy313 · 19/07/2016 23:09

In laws are looking after ds1 for 4 night over summer hols and are really keen (and pushing quite a lot) to have my youngest ds too, it's really lovely that they want him but in all honesty he's a bit of a nightmare at the moment, has molars coming through, and won't even let my dh put him to bed. I think it's quite nice for ds1 to get some one on one and really don't want to distress ds2, they live a 4 hour drive away so can't really come and get him without an 8 hour round trip if it doesn't work out! I think they think I'm some sort of possessive psycho mum, to be honest I would love the break but just don't think he would be happy...

OP posts:

KayTee87 · 19/07/2016 23:11

Yanbu - just explain exactly what you've said here and if they're reasonable they'll understand.

Heratnumber7 · 19/07/2016 23:11

Hell be fine. They'll be frazzled, but what the heck. Enjoy some time off!

constantlycuntinglyconfused · 19/07/2016 23:14

When DD was 9 months I had to leave her for a night with my mum. I worried and worried about it. At this point she still needed nursed to sleep. My mum kindly reminded me that she had successfully brought up two children and that she would manage. She did. Actually, she got DD to sleep easier than I could! All that worry for nothing. Now DD calls her gran and asks when she can have a sleep over.

so, I would say go. They will manage and he will have a good time. it's worth a try at least!

Original poster

Maisy313 · 19/07/2016 23:15

Haha, yes they should be careful what they wish for! I had to go for a very short work trip recently leaving children with dh, and ds2 was very anxious and clingy after I got back for over a week. He's a funny one as very sociable and easy going in some way but quite neurotic in others...

OP posts:

Original poster

Maisy313 · 19/07/2016 23:18

I'm wondering if it would be good for him to stay... Is anxiety in toddlers normal? My first son wasn't like this at all, but ds2 had a very traumatic start and was given a very bleak outlook at first which made me very anxious about him, to be honest I think I have inadvertently passed my anxiety onto him

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 19/07/2016 23:28

I've been hands on from the start, with my GC.

I had her overnight from around six weeks old.

At around 14 months, she went through the natural clingy stage, so I went back to just babysitting.

I have her three evenings a week, minimum. If she falls asleep aftet 7 pm and wakes again, she wants her Mum.

Me having her overnight isn't essential, so we've agreed that it's not in either one of their interests.

My GC wouldn't settle for her Dad, whilst cutting her main teeth.

I'm having her overnight in November, to build up, so my DD can go away, just after my GC is two.

Do what you feel that you need to. I think four nights away, with someone who isn't in regular contact, will be very distressing for the child.

Birdsgottafly · 19/07/2016 23:32

""I'm wondering if it would be good for him to stay... Is anxiety in toddlers normal""

It can be personality, or health related. It "won't be good for him", he has no conception of you coming back.

Babies and toddlers can have anxiety and if he was anxious when you left him, for a day, for weeks afterwards, he could have it for months, if left for, four days.

Witchend · 19/07/2016 23:37

I'd look at it from the other way round. It will be really nice for your dc1 to have time alone with grandparents being the special one. When he can choose what to do and they don't have to consider dc2's naps/age etc.

It's what mine love about staying with grandparents. That they get some one-2-one time.

Original poster

Maisy313 · 19/07/2016 23:52

The thing that makes me tempted to leave him as that there he will have his brother and grandparents and be doing nice day trips and here he will be in nursery for the 3 days, but I just do think he would struggle and would still be happier here in his normal routine... Thanks for comments everyone.

OP posts:

MrsMook · 20/07/2016 03:15

There's no right or wrong for this.

At the weekend I'd made arrangements for the first night out in years with a pair of friends with a family of similar age to our DCs. The reasons why it was years was because we share the same babysitter, so our DCs did a "sleepover" at their house so they were all looked after together. DS2 is normally fine, however recently he's been tired and clingy and frequently gate crashed our bed, so I was less comfortable about it than usual and at the point we made the plans. He ended up having a good night. He was sharing a double with his brother so had immediate company and didn't need to seek comfort in the night. Sometimes the break in routine can help, although 4 nights and that distance could feel like an awkward gamble.

ohlittlepea · 20/07/2016 06:09

Trust your instincts. My Dd Is anxious and something like that would not be good for her.

hastheworldgonemad · 20/07/2016 06:17

He's your child op. Do what you think is best.

Like Birds I am a hands on gran and had my dgs overnight at around a few months and now do overnights around once/twice a month to give dil/ds a break.

Toddlers are trickier though and I think it would be lovely for your older one to have the me time with grandparents.

I think 4 nights with a 3 hour drive would have been too much for me to bear as a mum.

Sierra259 · 20/07/2016 06:27

Can you book a hotel or something a bit closer to your inlaws? Then you and DH can have a night or two break (or hopefully more) but are close enough to pick up ds2 if he really doesn't settle?

HmmHaa · 20/07/2016 06:28

Follow your own instincts, remembering that you don't need permission!
I would leave him, but others wouldn't. Depends how happy your DPs are with the tears and the tantrums. During the awful non-sleeping stage with DD, I left her with my DPs for three nights. I knew that DM would rock her all night if needs be, and that they would be happy to do so.
Said no to leaving her with Dsis at the same stage because I think she would have struggled and I then would worry about DD.

So do whatever you think. Enjoy a break if you can!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/07/2016 06:39

I disagree that a 2 year old won't know you're coming back. Mine can be told where people are and when they'll be back and understands fine. I think you go with your instincts.

Original poster

Maisy313 · 20/07/2016 06:46

Sierra sadly we have to work otherwise that would be a good plan! I think we will go up the weekend before stay to settle ds1 in and see how ds2 does over the weekend, I will tell in laws I think it's unlikely he will stay so expectations are down. Thanks everyone, I think going with instincts is the key thing... His language and understanding is pretty high so I think he would understand we were coming back but 4 days is a huge amount of time for a 2 year old.

OP posts:

Ilovenannyplum · 20/07/2016 06:47

I've just left my nearly 2yr old for 5 nights with MIL and went to Spain
He is usually complete mummy's boy, only wants me and nobody else will do but he was absolutely fine.
He got totally spoilt rotten and had a lovely time.

I love him more than I can explain but it was nice to have a few child and Peppa free days and relax with DP.

I agree with PP though, he's yours and only you know if it's the right thing to be leaving him. Perhaps as his brother is there too, it'll be a comfort to him though?

Sierra259 · 20/07/2016 07:28

Sounds like a plan! Hope it goes well!

Kwirrell · 20/07/2016 08:39

I agree with trust your instincts. I have 8 GKs who have all stayed at various times. They are happy confident kids but some of them have had the occasional homesickness when they have been here.

I think that the older one will enjoy having his GPs to himself and they will be much freer to do things. It is very tiring looking after the little ones. As GPs we forget how much cooking, cleaning and entertaining is required. I know people say they have had children of their own. But and it is a very big but, these are not your own. They have a different home, different routines and, while some thrive on the change others don't.

grannytomine · 20/07/2016 09:42

If you had a crystal ball you would know the answer but unfortunately you probably don't. He might find it really difficult and so might GPs. On the other hand I had my GS for a week at this age as his parents were exhausted with him and work. Very demanding child. They warned me how hard it would be and worried about leaving him. He was an angel, none of the tantrums, screaming at night etc.

If you want to leave him and they are willing then fine, if it is going to stress you out then probably not worth the bother.

Sorry, not alot of help I know.

DoinItFine · 20/07/2016 09:48

How old is DS1?

I'm guessing at least 3.

I wouldn't want to spoil his time away with his grandparents doing big boy things by influcting a toddler on them all.

The younger child is likely to be happier at home with you anyway.

I wouldn't even consider it.

ToastyFingers · 20/07/2016 15:12

I wouldn't do it personally.

I spent most of my free time staying at my grandparents as a kid, and whilst I adored staying with them I was very aware that my parents had very little time for me.

I'm not saying your situation is anything like this, but I think an anxious toddler needs his mum/dad, not to be at granny's for the best part of a week.

catbasilio · 20/07/2016 15:24

If you trust your parents I would leave no doubt of it. You can always skype and talk on the phone even with 2 year old. It is so much better than going to nursery especially when his brother will be with him.

Kwirrell · 20/07/2016 16:31

catbassillo I disagree. From a GPs point of view I think 4 night is too long at 2 years. I think if he is happy in nursery he is better off.

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