To not want him in my garden

[BillyNotQuiteNoMates]

I have a neighbour, (not next door, but opposite and down the road) who I know has some special needs. He lives alone, so obviously reasonably capable, and a job. I don't know what "label" his special needs would have. Just to put you in the picture.
He has a cat. His cat likes wandering. He likes to knwk where his cat is. This involves crawling around under the garden bushes (in my garden), under the trampoline, trying to get under my sons car (which if he scratches it, my son will kill him, as it's his pride and joy), walking down the side of my house as if it's a public right of way and looking in through my windows. (We have a gate, which is kept shut, at front and back, which he just opens and walks in) I frequently have friends children here to play. AIBU to not want him to just wander in my garden, and if so, how do I go about stopping him. I've asked nicely, and pointed out that it's my garden and that it isn't public property.

I really think the best thing would be to try and 'befriend him'

Really! Why on earth should the OP be obliged to do that? People on here are high-handed about having to speak to people at the school gate, so why is it conversely ok to have to "befriend" a local man about whom the OP knows nothing and what is more is invading her garden?

I think the best thing, as others have said, is to contact the community support police. Or, and their name should be available online, the local councillor who will do it on your behalf. I think it would be better for the man if the advice not to enter the OP's garden or shout outside it came from an authority figure.

LEM the police don't have much training in SN. So they may well go in with wrong approach. They aren't all kind and fluffy.

armaimi - what a vile post

The milk of human kindness is in full flow on this thread as usual (not directed at you LEM)

fanjo - point taken

The man reminds me of my DD. Finds a good practical solution to not doing something and does something else, seriously instead.

In this situation I would put a bit of effort into working with the man to solve this. Not call police as I "shouldn't have to put up with it" or assume he's a pervert or say SN is irrelevant, if someone else was in my garden I'd call police.

Because I have a tiny bit of humanity.

Again not directed at you LEM, you were trying to help

Who knows....Maybe saying please don't shout for cat might work.

Well I'd take that as a step forwards surely?! You wanted him to stop coming into your garden. He has.

You've also learnt that he does listen and learn from what people say to him.

So instead of seething silently and hoping he somehow 'gets it', be clear and firm, and say 'no making a noise' I was going to write 'it's too early' but I think that might mean he would do the same thing but later.

Im so glad you aren't going to go to his place of work, so instrusive. Imagine if someone went to your place of work to complain, or to ask for your families contact details. Maybe if you'd eaten smelly food on a train, or used a lawn mower when they were trying to sleep! I think it does help to think of it like that, as although he clearly has some kind of learning difficulties or special needs, he's still an independent adult.

I'm saying that not as a criticism but as an agreement as you mentioned going to his work but haven't brought it up again so I don't think it's a solution you're wanting to pursue :)

Community police sounds like a really good idea if it starts getting really tricky... After all, if he is getting really anxious when he can't see his cat, and he doesn't have the same understanding of social rules, then he's going to continue to be distressed.

Have reported that other post btw. Of course adults of all kinds are sexual beings, but that's completely irrelevant here, and painted this chap as some kind of sex pest says an awful lot more about the poster than the man himself. (Shudders).

You could call the local council social services team and be clear that you are not asking for any information about your neighbour but you want to pass on your concerns. Whilst nobody in your house may be the shouty/punchy type, he may not be so lucky in other gardens. If he has a care package or social worker they may be able to speak to him about it, outside of police or PCSO involvement.

If he does have a social worker they will also know better than the police (hopefully anyway...) what helps your neighbour to modify his behaviour, whether he needs written or verbal cues/reminders, etc

He probably doesn't, IME

Is there a reason why his cat likes other people's gardens, apart from just being a wanderer? Ponds, bird-feeders perhaps? Great clumps of catmint?

What is his garden like?

It sounds like you're making a little progress...

Yep, Community police officer should be quite helpful. Our local one has been very helpful with issues like a local man who had a stroke and it has affected his understanding and personality and he was upseting people and driving with a license, etc. The police are there to support not to just arrest so don't be afraid to involve them.

*miscellaneous" the reason I suggested going to his place of work, is because his colleagues are also his friends, and I know them well. He trusts them, rather than a stranger. Not as a work complaint, but as asking a trusted friend to advise him.
No sign of cat or man today.
Furry no idea what makes the cat wander, it just spends its time harmlessly siting under the trampoline or car or hedge. Maybe it wants a bit of piece and quiet 😉

Or maybe it's not a judgy cat

A specialist in wrongfully accusing innocent people of being perverts?

Specialist using the word handicapped?

Squinting very hard to see a good side, the best I can think is that the poster is from the U.S. and her learning and professional circles didn't stray beyond those borders. Though quite how that fits with the Internet, I'm unsure.

There is a culture of refusing to allow disabled people sexuality and sexual relationships, as part of a general infantilism.

But that's not what's being talked about here, is it?

I have asked MNHQ what in particular caused them to delete my posting

Clearly MNHQ aren't keeping up their promise of emailing disablist posters like yourself.