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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want him in my garden

145 replies

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 19/07/2016 17:38

I have a neighbour, (not next door, but opposite and down the road) who I know has some special needs. He lives alone, so obviously reasonably capable, and a job. I don't know what "label" his special needs would have. Just to put you in the picture.
He has a cat. His cat likes wandering. He likes to knwk where his cat is. This involves crawling around under the garden bushes (in my garden), under the trampoline, trying to get under my sons car (which if he scratches it, my son will kill him, as it's his pride and joy), walking down the side of my house as if it's a public right of way and looking in through my windows. (We have a gate, which is kept shut, at front and back, which he just opens and walks in) I frequently have friends children here to play. AIBU to not want him to just wander in my garden, and if so, how do I go about stopping him. I've asked nicely, and pointed out that it's my garden and that it isn't public property.

OP posts:
bumsexatthebingo · 19/07/2016 19:09

If your child is playing in a garden with an unlocked gate and not being supervised then a stranger could always walk in. Potentially not someone who is just looking for their cat either. I didn't let my children plat out unsupervised until I was confident they new what to do if someone was acting strangely around them.

stillstandingatthebusstop · 19/07/2016 19:12

Also Billy although you are being considerate of your neighbours SN and are trying to resolve the cat/trespass situation gently, not everyone is like that. What if the next garden he wanders into has residents who hurt or exploit him? Your neighbour is a vulnerable adult and is entitled to support to help him live independently and safely.

DotForShort · 19/07/2016 19:21

To those few saying that I should be more undstanding, how would you feel about your child playing in a friends garden, knowing that a stranger may just walk through?

But he isn't a stranger. He's your neighbour. Surely you would just tell any visiting child and/or parents of said child that you know this man. I do agree that it must be somewhat annoying for you when he enters your property, especially as you have asked him not to. I hope you find a solution. But in your place I certainly wouldn't involve the police.

Fomalhaut · 19/07/2016 20:11

Lock on the gate and a secure postbox at the front where postie can reach it.

SpiceLinerandHoneyLove · 19/07/2016 20:13

Trespass is a criminal offence confused
No, it isn't. Criminal damage by a trespasser is; burglary is; going equipped is. Trespass itself is not. It's a civil offence.

Marcipex · 19/07/2016 20:13

We have a community policeman who would walk round and talk to him, not arrive with blue lights and handcuffs.
Don't other places have them? They sometimes stand outside the primary school at home time and chat to the children.

ScrewyMcScrewup · 19/07/2016 21:29

Honestly, in this situation I would let it go. He's not a threat, he's not doing it maliciously, and him being in my garden wouldn't bother me.

But clearly it bothers you and that is perfectly reasonable. If he has a steady job he can obviously understand and follow rules, at least to some extent, so it's probably just finding the right words to make it click with him. PP have great suggestions for other phrases to try.

Original poster
BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 19/07/2016 21:30

Who puts a lock on their front gate? How do guests get in?
Yes Marcipex we also have great community officers who would have a quiet word, without putting the fear of God into him, if I asked them to.

OP posts:
Fomalhaut · 19/07/2016 22:10

Silly me...I'm thinking of a front/side gate to get into the garden - where you can access the front door without going through it.

Glovebug · 20/07/2016 00:33

We have a lock on our front gate. Doorbell and mail box next to the gate too so people can ring the bell and postman has somewhere to put the post

2rebecca · 20/07/2016 08:39

You said you had front and back gates. Can you not lock the back gate?

HermioneJeanGranger · 20/07/2016 09:30

We lock our gate. Guests either know how to unlock or if we know they're coming, we unlock it for them.

NellyMelly · 20/07/2016 09:37

Does he have anyone helping him that you could contact. It's very nice how you are handling things. Could you paint a line on the ground to show the boundary that is ok for his cat to step over (as cats don't see the line) but not for him. Community police should be able to help on ideas and to keep him safe. He could injure himself following his cat somewhere. You can get go pro cameras for cats and other tracers and this could be an idea if he uses the internet.

Kenduskeag · 20/07/2016 09:42

Peering in her windows is not an act of some gentle soul looking for a cat.

101 can advise. It's what they do. I had a local SN man banging on my front door shouting 'wanky, you're wanky' and I didn't hand-wring about how sad it all was, I rang the police. They knew of him, had a word, no more issues.

It is for the safety of the person in question just as much as of others - the police noted this man had already been punched by a man he'd accosted in the street to shout at.

x2boys · 20/07/2016 09:44

Not sure wether the police would help or not and how would the op find the number of the mans carer or relativeConfused fwiw i have a child with significant special needs and i wouldnt want him to be roaming peoples gardens and making a nuisense of himself when hes an adult.

MyKingdomForBrie · 20/07/2016 10:11

Please don't ask his work, that's really invasive.

NoSquirrels · 20/07/2016 10:11

Seems like you could attack this from a couple of angles.

  1. Stop the cat from coming in. Get a sonic cat repeller (and you don't even like cats anyway, so probably a good idea.)

  2. Ask him to knock on your door and ask permission to look for the cat. "You cannot come into my garden unless you ask me first." You can then look yourself/tell him the cat is definitely not there.

  3. Put a lock back on the gate & a postbox outside.

  4. See if you can contact his supporters.

ApostrophesMatter · 20/07/2016 11:23

Community police is the way to go. He shouldn't be peering through your windows or wandering around your garden.

Marcipex · 20/07/2016 13:30

As there are no carers apparent, I think it's fine to ask the community police to have a chat with him. He may well recognise them as authority figures and remember their instructions better iyswim.
I don't think that's unreasonable.

RandomMess · 20/07/2016 13:38

I'd go with what Squirrels said.

I know it's a pain to have to lock your gate etc but you may only have to do it for a few months until he truly understands and accepts he has to stay off your property even though his cat will do what it likes!

Arfarfanarf · 20/07/2016 13:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 23/07/2016 07:01

New development! I think we got through and he's not coming into my garden, BUT he's now standing at my gate calling the damn cat, loudly - since 6.30 am!! Wine

OP posts:
Original poster
BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 23/07/2016 07:02

And he's still there 1/2 hour later!!

OP posts:
TheMaddHugger · 23/07/2016 07:46

And................. You've done nothing to stop him ?
Your Neighbours have done nothing to stop him ?

Call the Police on the Non Emergency line, they have lovely people that can have an effective word with him

TheMaddHugger · 23/07/2016 07:48

He wants to keep the kitty, it has to live inside his house. Immagine how bad it would be for him and everyone if kitty got hurt on the road