How much tiredness is normal?

[Onlyonce]

So I work Ft and have one DD. work is admin based. I do all drop off, collection as Dp works in a different town. I do 90% housework. Shopping, laundry, cleaning. Dp does the garden, car maintenance and monitoring our finances etc, also decorating when we are doing any. Today and quite often I just feel bone achingly tired. So much so I am starting to wonder if this is normal level of tiredness for my situation or not. I am thinking of seeing my GP just to check bloods and things. Honestly I feel like my eyes hurt with the exhaustion. I have no motivation for anything but I just do things because they have to be done. I get no appreciation at all. Have posted before that Dp can't deal with my emotions at all. I just don't know how tired is normal? Putting the matter of Dp to one side really as that isn't going to change

I haven't got any real advice but just wanted to give you a bit of virtual support - and to say I think your life does sound exhausting! I only work pt and have a toddler and I'm usually ready to collapse by the end of most days. And I think it feels more exhausting when life is a grind and you're not appreciated or supported enough...I know you said that's not going to change, but you probably should still think about it even if you don't want to go into it here.
If I was you I probably would speak to a gp and see about getting some tests done just to make sure. Also how is your diet - could you look at ways of maybe boosting your energy a bit that way? Do you get chance to exercise much? Not easy things to do I know when you're working and keeping everything else going too. Take care of yourself x

Diet is totally random. Don't get me wrong I cook from scratch most nights. Dp takes left overs for lunch and dd. Just food and I have a bad relationship. Exercise has gone down hill the last few months. Some weeks I will do a spin class and a weight class. Other weeks nothing. I could weep today.

Do you shop online? Could you afford a cleaner? Maybe you need to let things slide a bit - it's not the end of the world if it's not perfect after all :)

Can't afford a cleaner. I use different shops ao don't spend enough to do online shop without hitting the charges for an order from one shop iyswim

Only that sounds awful, and while I think what you describe would leave anyone feeling emotionally burnt out, the physical description you give of being bone tired suggests a GP trip would be sensible.
You know that in the long term you need to tackle the lazy husband thing though. His behaviour will breed resentment which will destroy your relationship, and your daughter will grow up thinking women should skivvy for men. The mental stress has such a negative impact on your physical health.
Best advice I heard on here was asking the man whether he wants to swap roles. Car maintenance is nothing compared to the daily grind of laundry for example. There are some great threads about it that made me realise it's totally unacceptable for anyone to treat their partner like this.

He will never understand. Whenever he has had to take over for a day (rarely, only if I have been flat on my back being ill or something) he just makes out like it's all so easy. He has no idea what it's like every single day. I shouldnt be complaining about him. I am not going to leave so it is what it is. I just needed to vent. Think I will get checked over though.

Worth getting checked - I went to gp and described my tiredness as being the early pregnancy exhaustion where you could fall asleep on the loo at 3pm. She took bloods and I had borderline anemia and a vit d deficiency. Started on supplements and ft loads better within a couple of weeks.

Do review what you spend your time on too, can anything be cut back?

Sorry to lecture. It just winds me up these men claiming that mowing the lawn once a week is equivalent all of the housework!
I was in a similar situation (toddler, full time work, lots of the housework + all admin, serious family illness) and I felt totally burnt out emotionally (lots and lots of crying) but not so much physically, if that answers your question. I then got pregnant and by god I felt it in my bones, there was a noticeable difference, so there is something different about mental and physical exhaustion.

Interesting about the difference between physical and mental. I think this feels physical at least partly. Even if I get seven or eight hours sleep I don't feel refreshed for any length of time.

Just out of interest, do you have the mirena coil? I had one for 1.5 years and I've never known tiredness like it.

I think eventually the mental takes a physical toll, but there was a stark contrast once those preggers hormones hit. I just couldn't get off the sofa, the 3pm toilet sleep from drop sounds familiar!
Even if you just rule out a physical cause then you can focus on lifestyle changes.

No coil, no. It might not be physical at all but I will check I think

He may not understand but if he loves you why can't you re-negotiate? I think the traditional division is problematic because it is so hard to fully understand another's point of view until you've walked a mile in their shoes. Good idea to start with physical causes though.

One thing that's really helped me in the past was to have 24 hours off. I literally left DC with DH and checked into a hotel by myself for a night. Slept insane amounts. Read a whole book. Listened to the quiet. Was amazing.

Re online shopping, I spend £6 a month on a delivery plan with tesco. There is a £40 min spend but I can get the choicest slots for £1.50 pw. I give myself "breaks" by scheduling the occasional week of chicken kievs, ready meals, or dishes DH cooks.

I am thinking of seeing my GP just to check bloods and things.
I think that would be a good idea as your tiredness could be something so easy to treat like anaemia. Also even if there is nothing wrong with you it will be a weight off of your mind.

Another thought - stress, anxiety and depression can have a really debilitating physical effect too. When I've had bouts of depression even the smallest of tasks have seemed like mammoth challenges, and the physical exhaustion brought on by depression is very real. You don't sound very happy so it would be a good idea to talk to your gp about that too if you feel you can.

little fluffy clouds
That's interesting. I've got a mirena and have been terribly tired all the time. I think I may have a chat with my GP. Thanks for putting that out there.

I'm not saying I am perfect and that Dp is totally to blame for the workload. It's just he is shut off from having any kind of conversation about feelings on my part. He says that because I tend to get upset if we have a row he just doesn't bother talking to me when I'm upset. I'm not explaining this very well but that is kind of the jist of it. It's hard to put into words. I was trying to tell him something the other day, just in conversation about having a bit of a crappy time when I was a kid and he just told me to stop talking about it. That was just me talking, not a row. He says he has no time to do anything he wants to do, which I do think is actually true but neither do I.

Don't think I would mention being unhappy to my GP. Have seen a counsellor privately before. Having to take a break at the moment for financial reasons

Ask your doctor to run some blood tests - anemia for definite but ask to get your b12 levels checked along with thyroid function tests. Hypothyroidism is very common in women and can present as grinding fatigue. As a PP stated low vitamin D can also cause fatigue but not all doctors will test for it unless you persuade them.

In your situation I would do a lot less housework too. If it's so easy then your husband can do a lot more. If he won't, then stop doing his laundry at the very least.

Yes definitely ask GP for blood tests if you are feeling bone achingly tired. How are you sleeping at night? I suddenly felt really really tired a couple of months ago and was on the verge of seeing GP when I just as suddenly felt better again. In hindsight it might have been because I'd been getting 5/6 hours sleep a night instead of the 8 I normally need.
You might be anaemic, or could have developed a food intolerance. My friend felt awful for a few months and it turned out she was gluten intolerant. She changed her diet and felt better in a few days. Generally eating too much bread, pasta etc can make you feel sluggish so it's worth cutting down on these anyway to see if that makes any difference.
But please go to GP - there is a (very very small) risk that excessive tiredness can be due to a more serious illness.