Petty War with MIL

[KaceyLacey]

Slightly Lighthearted so don't crucify me

I like my MIL, she's an interesting & engaging woman but she's also quite controlling, I similarly have issues with control so without even trying we've ended up in a war of one upmanship, this has lasted for at least the last 10 years.

Examples

When DH & I first moved in together, she replaced a painting on the wall when I was at work because it was ugly. Instead of doing the reasonable thing, I went out & bought 2 matching ugly paintings & gave one to her as a gift in front of everyone. With a very painful smile she hung it in her bathroom where to this day it still stands.

When we decided that DH would be a stay at home Dad, she was very upset and stopped taking DCs out, instead she took out DNieces/Nephews & posted the pics all over FB tagging everyone. So of course my solution was to convince my own parents to take out the DCs far more then they usually did, post the pics on FB, tag everyone & then write how brilliant it was that DCs now had more time to spend with their favourite grandparents. She quickly stopped excluding them.

We do this with everything. If she goes on a nice holiday, I have to do something even better. If I buy something then she has to top that.

Right before Christmas, I signed up to a gym membership as it was bloody Christmas and it's just what you do, I never actually planned to properly use it, she then went out & got her own gym membership, so now we're in a game of chicken to see who quits first. I hate the gym I want to quit, I'm not even that unhealthy, but my pride won't let me.

I know that I'm a petty person, you don't need to scream it at me. Does anyone have any ideas on how to quit this gym madness without losing face, I can't even pretend to go as we both log in on Facebook to show our damn location.

[Bumpngrind85]

My MIL moves my furniture even when I ask her not to (she usually suggests something would look better somewhere else). After years I have finally plucked up the courage to decline her suggestions only to find that she moves it anyway when I'm out of the room. She moves will move things the slightest amount but I know it's moved because of indents in the carpet. She has major control issues.

[DoloresVanCartier]

Aw OP you've given me a good chuckle!! I can just picture you both seething and trying to figure out how to get the next one up! The picture was pretty good but hanging it in her bathroom was also a good move!

I'm not sure how to get out of it, I think getting to your "goal weight" is the best way to get out of the gym!!

Thanks for giving me a chuckle on a Sunday night!

[toadgirl]

I'll act like the whole point of the gym was to reach that goal weight & that I hadn't even realised she was going as well

And use that extra time on the treadmill to work out your moves for the next round to come up

[toadgirl]

You like each other.

You both enjoy the sparring and competition.

She does sound controlling but you are handling it with humour and a light touch.

You probably have a better connection with your MIL than most!

Making lists is always useful:-

[KaceyLacey]

Bumpgrind, she does that to SIL all the time, she knows that if she does it to me, I'll just move her furniture around.

Toadgirl, I like to think of it as harmless fun, it's amusing/angering to see what she can come up with but never hurtful. I just hate losing & so does she so we push each other in ways other people don't understand/ find insane

[CarlGrimesMissingEye]

It sounds brilliant and as you both know you are doing it it's just an in joke. I bet you'd both stop in a heartbeat if you thought the other was genuinely upset.

[HarryPottersMagicWand]

Do you know what, we are forever seeing threads about MILs who interfere with houses that aren't theirs, or favour other GC so I actually say good for you for not taking it lying down and bloody well showing her she can't do as she pleases without any comeback. She would be horrendous if she did. She has met her match and that is no bad thing.

[coco1810]

If my mil joins facebook I am proper screwed...... Actually, no I wouldn't be she's so up her own arse she wouldn't recognise the rants about her!

[Theknittinggorilla]

I'm in awe of you! I love my mil but she moves my furniture, buys clothes she sees me wearing, there is def an underlying competitiveness! It annoys me but she has many more good qualities. Rather than seethe I wish I was brave enough (and had the energy for) a bit of a passive aggressive battle. I might brave a revenge furniture move at some point....
Please keep us updated, your op really made me laugh

[RhiWrites]

Please tell us some of the times she won? It might might people more sympathetic to you... And I want to know!

[aurynne]

I wish you were part of my family OP, so I could just sit down with some popcorn and enjoy the show :P

[littleprincesssara]

I think it's hilarious!

And OP, I strongly recommend you read the 'Mapp and Lucia' books if you haven't already, because you and your MIL remind me of them so much and you might pick up some tips! :)

[redexpat]

You are queen of paasive aggression! Yes please tell us more stories.

[Thingiebob]

You both sound horrible. How's that for refreshing and honest?

[WanttoStartAgain]

Its made me laugh.

Would bother me though if I knew you and you spoke about it constantly. If its a quiet unspoken competition then there's no harm.

[chattygranny]

There's a soap opera in here somewhere!

[CinderellaRockefeller]

"How's that for refreshing and honest?"

About 20 posts and three hours too late?

Bandwagon went that way ---->

[chattygranny]

I mean a situation comedy 😚 It's late and I'm being bombarded by flying ants! And there was me wondering if my DIL would think me controlling if I bought some party hats for grandchild's birthday party!

[Rinceoir]

I think it's quite amusing if it's not done out of badness (and it doesn't sound like it is!). My lovely MIL and her lovely SIL have been doing this since I before first met them. It's actually driven great results- MIL is slimmer than she was 20years ago (competitive walking), they've both learned new instruments, they've travelled places they never would have considered before and beneath all the competition they are the best of friends. DH and his evil siblings fuel the competition sometimes by dropping ridiculous "information" about what the other is planning to see how long it will be before one or both takes up the challenge! (Yes they are all over 30!). My DBIL has them competitively knitting in preparation for the birth of his first child in a few months.

OP would you consider going to the gym (because it is good for you!) but just going a bit less? I don't really get the goal weight rationale- surely you'd be more motivated to stay at gym if you'd had those results! Failing that I maybe let her have this one?!

[AGirlCalledJohnny]

My MIL is like this with me, I dislike her intensely though and try to just ignore her. She covets every thing I have, my clothes, my dishes, my DD. Not v interested in DS because she only had boys. She is also super high handed, I always have to check her car before she leaves as she'll have stuff belonging to me. "Oh, DH said you didn't want it". She once went into my room and cut off the ends of my curtains because she didn't like the overlong trim. She fucked it up though so she just put them back up three inches short and pretended she knew nothing about it. Another time I got home to find all my cushions with new - hideous - covers. I quietly removed them and put them away. Didn't even them back to her She also took it upon herself to buy DDs communion dress and was fucking raging when I told her I'd rather buy it myself. "I never got to buy one you see!" The fact that I would only get one shot to do it myself was totally lost on her.

I have endless stories about her. First time I visited then DP's family, she left an engagement brochure on our bed. She is the queen of passive aggression. Told me once, "That is one of the nicest lasagnes I've ever had" and when I told her hadn't made it "Oh! I know that!" cue tinkly laugh. Endless comments of the "You are so lucky you don't feel guilty spending that much on yourself!" "I'm so good at laundry because I've always had to be soooo frugal". "Another trip??!" She thinks I'm fucking Marie Antoinette.

[Janecc]

Why not get pregnant and watch her try to one up you then? You could throw in a nasty pregnancy illness for fun. Hyperemesis gravidum, miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, placenta previa, gestational diabetes.........

These aren't serious suggestions. But do you see where things can lead?

I would quietly extricate myself from the game. That will drive her insane. This is what your sil does when she moves the furniture. She is trying to bait her own DD. But she ignores her being the only female grown up in the family.

[diddl]

Sounds ridiculous to me.

She started to favour one set of GC?

I'd have left her to it tbh.

[SlinkyVagabond]

Have you considered Pokemon Go?

[BerriesandLeaves]

Ha ha. Your op made me laugh