Petty War with MIL

[KaceyLacey]

Slightly Lighthearted so don't crucify me

I like my MIL, she's an interesting & engaging woman but she's also quite controlling, I similarly have issues with control so without even trying we've ended up in a war of one upmanship, this has lasted for at least the last 10 years.

Examples

When DH & I first moved in together, she replaced a painting on the wall when I was at work because it was ugly. Instead of doing the reasonable thing, I went out & bought 2 matching ugly paintings & gave one to her as a gift in front of everyone. With a very painful smile she hung it in her bathroom where to this day it still stands.

When we decided that DH would be a stay at home Dad, she was very upset and stopped taking DCs out, instead she took out DNieces/Nephews & posted the pics all over FB tagging everyone. So of course my solution was to convince my own parents to take out the DCs far more then they usually did, post the pics on FB, tag everyone & then write how brilliant it was that DCs now had more time to spend with their favourite grandparents. She quickly stopped excluding them.

We do this with everything. If she goes on a nice holiday, I have to do something even better. If I buy something then she has to top that.

Right before Christmas, I signed up to a gym membership as it was bloody Christmas and it's just what you do, I never actually planned to properly use it, she then went out & got her own gym membership, so now we're in a game of chicken to see who quits first. I hate the gym I want to quit, I'm not even that unhealthy, but my pride won't let me.

I know that I'm a petty person, you don't need to scream it at me. Does anyone have any ideas on how to quit this gym madness without losing face, I can't even pretend to go as we both log in on Facebook to show our damn location.

[GoblinLittleOwl]

Do what my friend does; she spends three hours at the gym most Sundays, reading the papers. She's awfully well informed.

[milliemolliemou]

There are so many delightful ways this could go. What about competing with arts and books as well?

[amusedbush]

I love this thread. I have a 'frenemy' like this. We've had matching haircuts, identical glasses, the same dress on more than one occasion. I moved in with then-DP, she got engaged. I got engaged, she announced her wedding date. I got married, she had a baby.

I showed DH the birth announcement and he said, 'we're not having a baby just so you can win'

[Poppyreefs]

Download fake gps location app on your phone and then you can check in at the gym on Facebookf rom the comfort of your own home

[scootinFun]

I second the Pokémon Go suggestion. You could pop a post on Facebook along the lines of 'jacking in the gym to go run free and catch Pokemon' Then see how long it takes before she succumbs! Even better if you can combine with the 'wild running' mentioned before eg Found a 'Pokémon name' on top of Ben nevis - yay me....

[Gaspard]

Don't stop going to the gym, start taking MIL with you. Good for both of you and you may well end up really good friends.

[nousernames]

Oh my god this is me. Everyone thinks I'm so chilled out but I can't back down ever. I'm so glad I'm not the only one.
Keep it up is my unhinged advice. You can win this!!

[FinallyHere]

And breathe. YY to e f benson's Mapp & Lucia

Meanwhile, thinking about your statement 'it's anger & pride that fuel me'

How would you react if a DC came home from school, with tales of doing things she really doesn't want to do, just because she has got caught up in insane competitions with a 'friend' and can't back down?

Could you spend some time thinking about what really you want for yourself, and set about doing that?

[NeedACleverNN]

Pokemon could be a good idea actually.

You can compete to who gets the best Pokemon

[BerriesandLeaves]

Ha ha. Your op made me laugh

[SlinkyVagabond]

Have you considered Pokemon Go?

[diddl]

Sounds ridiculous to me.

She started to favour one set of GC?

I'd have left her to it tbh.

[Janecc]

Why not get pregnant and watch her try to one up you then? You could throw in a nasty pregnancy illness for fun. Hyperemesis gravidum, miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, placenta previa, gestational diabetes.........

These aren't serious suggestions. But do you see where things can lead?

I would quietly extricate myself from the game. That will drive her insane. This is what your sil does when she moves the furniture. She is trying to bait her own DD. But she ignores her being the only female grown up in the family.

[AGirlCalledJohnny]

My MIL is like this with me, I dislike her intensely though and try to just ignore her. She covets every thing I have, my clothes, my dishes, my DD. Not v interested in DS because she only had boys. She is also super high handed, I always have to check her car before she leaves as she'll have stuff belonging to me. "Oh, DH said you didn't want it". She once went into my room and cut off the ends of my curtains because she didn't like the overlong trim. She fucked it up though so she just put them back up three inches short and pretended she knew nothing about it. Another time I got home to find all my cushions with new - hideous - covers. I quietly removed them and put them away. Didn't even them back to her She also took it upon herself to buy DDs communion dress and was fucking raging when I told her I'd rather buy it myself. "I never got to buy one you see!" The fact that I would only get one shot to do it myself was totally lost on her.

I have endless stories about her. First time I visited then DP's family, she left an engagement brochure on our bed. She is the queen of passive aggression. Told me once, "That is one of the nicest lasagnes I've ever had" and when I told her hadn't made it "Oh! I know that!" cue tinkly laugh. Endless comments of the "You are so lucky you don't feel guilty spending that much on yourself!" "I'm so good at laundry because I've always had to be soooo frugal". "Another trip??!" She thinks I'm fucking Marie Antoinette.

[Rinceoir]

I think it's quite amusing if it's not done out of badness (and it doesn't sound like it is!). My lovely MIL and her lovely SIL have been doing this since I before first met them. It's actually driven great results- MIL is slimmer than she was 20years ago (competitive walking), they've both learned new instruments, they've travelled places they never would have considered before and beneath all the competition they are the best of friends. DH and his evil siblings fuel the competition sometimes by dropping ridiculous "information" about what the other is planning to see how long it will be before one or both takes up the challenge! (Yes they are all over 30!). My DBIL has them competitively knitting in preparation for the birth of his first child in a few months.

OP would you consider going to the gym (because it is good for you!) but just going a bit less? I don't really get the goal weight rationale- surely you'd be more motivated to stay at gym if you'd had those results! Failing that I maybe let her have this one?!

[chattygranny]

I mean a situation comedy 😚 It's late and I'm being bombarded by flying ants! And there was me wondering if my DIL would think me controlling if I bought some party hats for grandchild's birthday party!

[CinderellaRockefeller]

"How's that for refreshing and honest?"

About 20 posts and three hours too late?

Bandwagon went that way ---->

[chattygranny]

There's a soap opera in here somewhere!

[WanttoStartAgain]

Its made me laugh.

Would bother me though if I knew you and you spoke about it constantly. If its a quiet unspoken competition then there's no harm.

[Thingiebob]

You both sound horrible. How's that for refreshing and honest?

[redexpat]

You are queen of paasive aggression! Yes please tell us more stories.

[littleprincesssara]

I think it's hilarious!

And OP, I strongly recommend you read the 'Mapp and Lucia' books if you haven't already, because you and your MIL remind me of them so much and you might pick up some tips! :)

[aurynne]

I wish you were part of my family OP, so I could just sit down with some popcorn and enjoy the show :P