To ask if you think membership OLD sites would provide a better chance of meeting someone than the free ones?

[RedHareWithBlondeHair]

For one or two reasons I've become quite reclusive and I'm taking steps to rectify that. I have a bad history wrt relationships, one was abusive and the other got someone pregnant whilst I was in hospital. I think I'm ready to meet someone but don't want a casual tinder-esque hook-up. I'm wondering if I paid for membership with for example match then I might meet someone rather than POF.

In fact I'm actually not even aware of many dating sites bar the two I've mentioned so any pointers welcome. I know this isn't necessarily in the spirit of AIBU but I'd appreciate the traffic and henceforth will be posting about a woman at the bus stop that dared to touch my dd

Unsure but I would be interested in replies too, as at some point I would like to date. I'm going to give it a bit longer as only 7mths out of a 2 decade relationship/marriage.

My gut instinct would be to try paid sites as freebees may be full of men after one thing.

I couldn't understand the last bit of your post.

I could. I thought it was funny 😁

Definitely paid for. POF is mainly people looking for one night stands. Any site that requires a smidgeon of effort and money I found much more fruitful. Highly recommend eharmony (met DH on there!) Took a while to set up and won't take separated people only divorced but got a much better matchance from there. Less about looks in a way.

Also used to get lots of offers once registered. Last time I did it was pay for one month get two free!

I think OP acknowledges that her post wasn't quite spittle flecked enough for AIBU and promises to post proper rants in future :-).
As regards the question- I have no idea, never having done OLD- but you get what you pay for I suppose. I'm friends with one couple who met on a country/farmer-y type OLD site. My DH has known him since college, he is nice and was looking for a genuine relationship not multiple shagging opportunities, negging and all that shit. They're married with 2 children now. Dunno if other niche type sites exist eg sites for arty types or whatever you're into. Might be worth a go.

I met my now husband on Ok Cupid. Don't believe in paying for anything you can get for free so only tried free sites. Lots of people just looking for a hook-up on many sites, but you just be selective, ignore anyone who's pushy, or who jumps right to sex talk, or who won't have a proper conversation full stop. Went on dozens of first dates (always somewhere public, with a friend who knew where I was and never gave out phone/address details). Most didn't go beyond that. But I did meet a few nice people, and one who I think is rather fantastic...

Good luck!

Another vote for OKCupid here. The free version is very good - you can answer as few or as many questions as you like - but the more you answer, the more accurate your matches will be. If you're clear in your profile you're looking for a relationship and not casual sex or FWB, you should be fine. You can always block and delete any inappropriate messages.

Would also suggest you don't pay until you've tried OLD for a couple of months. Membership is expensive and you might find it's not the right medium for you. Try before you buy!

Good luck

Everyone I met on Match was also on POF, but I agree, chancers are less likely to bother paying membership for a paid site when they can sign up free to others.

What worked for me was to hide my profile on POF (had to wait 24 hours, during which time I allegedly had 100 men wanting to meet me!!) and then do the searching and contacting yourself so that you remain in control of it and avoid getting hundreds of "hey sexy, how's you?" messages!

Btw, 4 years now with DP I met on POF. (He was also on Match but I found him on POF).

He was articulate (able to string a sentence together and use the correct 'your/you're!), chivalrous and turned out to be the love of my life.

In amongst the low life there are also some lovely people!

I met my bf on POF. He's a very nice chap.

I'm on eharmony (paid) and zoosk originally as a full profile but now just as a bare profile with no pic (pay for site but not paid to join).

Eharmony tend to get people genuinely wanting to meet up and see how things go.

Zoosk - I've had more messages since I took my pic down I'm not that ugly honest

I would say I preferred paid. The free ones seemed to just be dick pics for me.
I met someone special on match and we have been together for 6 years.

Met my DH on a paid for. Paid for excluded the dick pics, one night stands and affairs - the blokes were generally looking for a serious relationship.

Doesn't mean you won't meet someone lovely on POF but it's an easy way to cut through the dross.

I met dh using a paid site. 1st person I got in touch with.
He joined Maxim dating and I joined something else - on the face of it 2 completely different companies but both part of a bigger company (White Label Dating I think) so I wondered if, when you join a paid-for site, your details go into a big pool that's shared across a load of different sites.

Met DH this way, on UDate (prob doesn't exist any more!) 17 years ago. At that time men had to pay, women didn't. I would think that you are much more likely to get genuine people if they have to pay ....