To want to act like a loon to put renters off next door ?(lighthearted )

[Doinmummy]

I heard someone knocking at the house next to us . It's empty and is to be rented out. I went out to tell them no one lives there and they said they're trying to get a viewing but the agents have arranged an open house that starts at 3 o'clock . This couple were on their way to Nottingham and couldn't wait til 3.

I said they could have a look round my house as the layout and room sizes are the same.

They are a lovely couple and I'd be happy to have them as neighbours. So what can I do to put the other viewers off ?

I was thinking of sitting outside with a bottle of gin wailing 'I miss you Fred , I'm sorry you died ' (Fred was the last tenant and I found him dead in the house )

Any other ideas ?

Do you play any loud musical instruments? Actually playing them doesn't matter so much - do you have access to any?

Dance naked around a totem pole in your front garden

Play loud opera and sing along when there's a viewing.
Rent some (extra) noisy children.
Have a recording of a large and vicious dog barking and snarling ready to play.

A trash fire in your front garden would be good. Do you have a metal bin?

Keep the flames about 4ft high and toss random paper into it. Periodically screech over your shoulder, "I'm burning the evidence, Reginald. I'm burning the evidence!!"

Do you have any face paint??

I'd go wait outside and very over enthusiastically great every viewer, talk about all the things you'll do together when they move in. How you could get the garden fence removed and share gardens. 'Jokingly' tell them you expect a good long catch up every morning. Be way too interested and nosey, kill them with kindness

Dirty mattress in your front garden?

I've always fancied playing the violin - no time like the present to get started eh ?

And it is very warm here so it would be entirely reasonable to practice it in the garden whilst naked !

Pretend to be cleansing the house next door as Fred's spirit will not be at rest until you realign the the chakra points of the hedge.

Then begin to sprinkle some water at the door with a home made voodoo doll whilst muttering the lyrics to 'Never gonna give you up' under your breath

Oh and don't let them go even when it's obvious they want to stop talking now. That will put almost anyone off.

Periodically screech over your shoulder, "I'm burning the evidence, Reginald. I'm burning the evidence!!"

This made me laugh and cough a bit and I had to run for a wee! pregnancy bladder but I could honestly see my MIL doing this.

Borrow a herd or yappy dogs and stick them in the garden to bark? Sit outside with bongos and play loudly to "welcome all neighbourhood newcomers". You could accompany this with singing?

Stage a loud argument with dh/partner complete with lots of swearing, slamming doors and throwing crockery?

I love these !

Or do what Meowli said but without your partner.
Have the argument with yourself whilst being two people and then as the neighbours come out go and greet them with messed up hair and a mad look in your eye, say "sorry if you heard that but Tracey (my alter ego) isn't behaving herself at the moment"
Then mutter under your breath (as Tracey) restart your argument there and then whilst trying to punch yourself in the face and rolling around on the grass.

Perhaps I should rustle up some cakes and tea and stand at the front door with them on a tray Mrs Overall styley.

Arniechops that is hilarious

I've got some teenagers, three guitars, a drum kit, a microphone and several amps you can borrow. Please? They've been practising for HOURS now!

Send 'em round Alpa

Play a soundtrack of barking dogs really loudly up against the wall.

Ditto with drum practice sounds.

Sit in the back garden with binoculars trained on their back bedroom windows.

arniechops lol i love that

i need to tell me dsis some of these she likes a certain house but i dont think the owner will be forthcoming

I could put on a hard hat , hi viz jacket and carry a clipboard, tell them I'm measuring up for the sewage works that's due to be built at the end of our gardens .

Just tell them Fred died in the house. Should put a few off. If not mention the weird knocks and bumps heard in their since then. Then cross yourself multiple times.

*there

The agent has turned up ! I'm nosing out the window to check them out !

My uncle has a set of bagpipes if you're anywhere near Blackpool?

If anyone's in Essex please pop round , we can put flowers in our hair and dance round naked in the garden singing 'this is the dawning of the age of Aquarious'